Fatherless

[Engineer_Dude]

@tdn

In short, though, it’s all about your boundry. Your boundry is basically what defines you, what makes you you. It’s your likes and dislikes.

Picture it as a circle. Go ahead, draw it.

Inside the circle is your gold, your good stuff. Among other things, it’s your emotional energy. If there is some aspect of your life that you’re wishy washy on, you have a hole in your boundry. And someone can just reach in and take your shit. Ever known an emotional vampire that just sucks the life out of you? They’ve found a hole in your boundry. Or someone that knows how to push all your buttons? They found a hole.

Some people have lots of holes. They’re like swiss cheese. These people are complete doormats. Picture the circle as being made of a broken line.

I suspect that someone who has given up has a circle made up almost entirely of holes. If you were to draw that circle, it would just look like a couple of dots. There’s no shape, no structure, and all of their gold has long since been taken away.

You need to have a strong boundry, with as few holes as possible. Now, some people have been so beat up by life that all of their holes are covered in scar tissue. These people are emotionally dead and they basically die of emotional malnutrition.

What you need on your boundry is doors. And (here’s the important thing) the doorknob needs to be on the inside. You can pull the door shut, but others can’t pull it open.

There’s a lot of symbolism and mixed metaphors in there, but I think it describes things nicely.

Do you want this nice check for a million dollars? Yes. Door opens.

Can I get all up in your shit and be an abusive jerk? No. Door shuts.

A lot of people don’t have the brains to know when to open the doors. A lot of people don’t have the courage to shut them. A lot of us open and close them at exactly the wrong times.

Thank you, Dr. Paul

[tdn]

@Engineer_Dude

Thank you, Dr. Paul

[Marley23]

@Hennessy

I am real cool with the VP at my company and on the way to the post office he said “I don’t like telling people what they should do, but I think you should establish a relationship with your father, you may regret it in the future. I just think you should give it some thought.” He never explained why but said he was happy he connected with his father in the last 5 years of his life. Discussion ended

You don’t know why he was estranged from his father and it sounds like he doesn’t know why you have no relationship with yours. I’m sure he means well, but if he doesn’t know about the specifics, the advice doesn’t mean much. It’s your decision but I don’t think having your father in your life would be a good thing for you right now. Sort through your own issues first and then decide if you want to be involved with him.

I’m seconding what a bunch of posters said about your age. Everybody has things they need to figure out at 19. You’ll get there, and try not to beat yourself up too much in the meantime. Whether you want to go into therapy or not, you do have some issues to deal with and I hope you’re willing to deal with them unflinchingly, find out where they come from, what they mean and what their effects are, without just dismissing them as “excuses.”

[Chessic_Sense]

There’s no magic recipe for becoming a man because there’s no set definition of ‘man’. You want my take on it, though? Ok.

There are 6 billion people in this world. Unless you’re one of a handful of famous people, those 6 billion are not going to know you. They don’t care about you. When you die, they won’t know you existed. You’re a tiny, insignificant speck on a tiny insignificant speck that revolves around a tiny, insignificant speck. Now that I have you feeling worthless, pay attention, because this is how you become a man:

You realize that it’s ok to be completely meaningless. You realize that there is no preset objective to obtain. There’s no Prime Directive on how to live one’s life. There are 6 billion opinions in this world, and you become a man when you realize that your opinion, thoughts and feelings are equal to everyone else’s. YOU set the goal. YOU are responsible for accomplishing it. That’s all there is to it. When you realize (or assert) that you are equal to other members of the human race, you are an adult. No longer a child, but a man…whatever that means to you.

[Hennessy]

Strangest thing happened today, I’m starting to become normal again. I’m guessing I had severe trust issues or maybe I just wasn’t comfortable in my own skin. I actually talked to my mom last night and was nice to my younger sister for the first time in years. I’ve been taking life for granted.

I haven’t been real with anyone in a long time including myself. I started with myself and then almost immediately that same girl I mentioned and I connected for the first time since lord knows when. I am a made man, I just didn’t know. I also was real with a stranger and sorta made a new friend. It feels good to be back. I just got to make sure I take my time and don’t rush into anything so that the fake reality doesn’t return.

I really wish I knew what specific event transpired to cause this because I would love to help the millions of people who are depressed. Self consciousness is a life eater. Thanks all

[sandra_nz]

Fantastic! Sometimes we’re too busy worrying about who to be, that we forget to just be. Sounds like you’re realised you can just be.