I am a pretty easy going person and apparently after reading this thread, have had very considerate house guests.
Really what annoys me the most is people that don’t take my word for it when I say “make yourself at home…take any food, use whatever you want, here are the towels…soaps…blah blah”.
I know they are being considerate but after a while I get tired of being asked…“Do you mind if I go in your refrigerator? May I use that big blue towel? I am going to use a glass if that is okay? Do you mind if I make coffee? May I use your stove?”
Make yourself at home means make yourself at home. After saying it four times, I get tired of being asked about every little thing. I guess it makes me feel like the guests are more work than I would really like them to be.
Oh and it doesn’t bother me a bit when guests smoke in my house as long as it doesn’t bother the other guests. I can understand if someone has an allergy but I was surprised how many people this annoyed. The smell only lingers a couple of days with overnight guests and I’d rather they be comfortable than have to constantly be going outside and being without their company unless I follow.
There are a few households I have never returned to and continue to decline inivtations to visit now that I know their pets are completely out of control. Eg/ small dog jumped onto my lap, stuck his slobbering snout into my dinner, stole food from my plate and later the butter off the table. The pooch continued to dive into the crotches of other dinner guests from under the table as we tried to dine.
One of the startled women screamed when the dog’s front paws slid up her skirt and actually snagged her panties. The host didn’t think it was a big deal that “he jumps up a little”. People who visit that household, generally do so only once, then never return.
I would never slap or pysically discipline anyone else’s pet, but you can expect that I will verbally reprimand an animal that is harming me. You can probably expect me to say something if I find your kid going through my wallet too (that happened once too).
In which case I certainly hope the realm of behavior that you personally allow your pets is far more conservative than those of my former hosts who evidently didn’t mind that the dog licks the butter while they’re eating.
It certainly is! I would have some fairly harsh dealings with my own dogs were they to behave in that manner, but they do not. They are well trained animals. My dogs do NOT get table scraps, they have to sit and stay to get dinner, and they know that “go lay down” means “leave the room and find somewhere quiet to be” and do so when told.
I would never ask anyone to submit to “assault” or any kind of bodily harm. If someone’s dog bit me in their house, I would certainly shove the dog away (so that it was no longer biting me - if shoving was not enough to bring that about and the animal was actually hurting me, I would certainly escalate to whatever it took to get free) and then leave immediately.
But having a nose in your crotch is assault? Please. If you’re that high-strung, then no, it’s certainly best we meet elsewhere. Harm is harm, inconvenience is another.
My parents got a rescued Schipperke that simply had no manners. He had been crated his entire life and simply DID NOT KNOW that it wasn’t ok to take food from your plate, or from your hands, or from wherever he found it. The answer to that was not to beat this little animal, but simply to teach him better manners, which he now has.
I too am appalled by the behavior of a lot of people’s animals (and children) when I visit them, but you are never permitted to take matters of discipline into your own hands on other peoples’ children or pets. Discipline does not include, in my opinion, being actually physically harmed by the animal and doing whatever it takes to make it go away. I’ve suffered some serious dog bites (from dogs not mine) and there is no way I would do less than necessary to escape and make sure I would not be further harmed.
OK, you can hit my cats if they attack you without provocation (but only enough to stop the attack- you can’t hit them more to punish them after the behavior has stopped). I’d be in there trying to help you stop the attack. But I know my cats, and they’re not likely to do that. If you’ve been provoking them, and I told you to stop doing it, and then they attack you, you got what you deserved, unless you really are too young to know any better.
My cats trying to get in your lap (which they won’t do unless they know you) is not assault. I’m OK with you pushing them out of your lap if they do, but don’t hit them for it. It is not assault if they sniff you. It is not assault if they meow at you. It is not assault if they rub against your legs. If you fear or dislike cats enough to freak if something like that happened, or are allergic enough that that would cause problems, we’d probably be better off meeting somewhere other than my house.
I was responding to Feyrat, who said “do not discipline my pets.” Discipline does not mean “hit” in this day and age. If Feyrat’s pets are so well-behaved and disciplined, I’m not really sure why anyone would feel the need to hit them, much less discipline them.
Perhaps “accost” or “molest” would be better words than “assault.” I’m not a lawyer. I have every right to say “get down!” or “stop that!” to an animal that is invading my person.
I’m actually the guy in whose lap dogs & cats usually end up, and I love animals. But I reserve the right to “discipline” an animal that is taking liberties or misbehaving. I’m not going to come to your house and start conducting obedience training.
That’s what dogs do - the crotch bit, anyway. That’s how they tell whether the human-thing they’re meeting is male or female, if male how masculine it is, if female whether it’s in season or not. All useful stuff if you’re a dog.
Personally, if they start chewing me, I’ll smack their faces and say, “No”. About the only time you should smack a puppy on the face.
This kills me. People eat veggies all the time as a side (and sometimes tofu as an appetizer). Why are veggies and other food groups delicious as side dishes, but when you try to serve them as an entree, some people act like you’ve just attempted to serve them brains?
I also hate when people come over with little kids and get irate that the house isn’t fully baby proofed. I mean, I’ve got a toddler of my own, so I happen to have socket plugs. Plus, the solvents and pointy objects are put away. But there’s no way I’m buying padding my coffee table or fireplace for some kid’s one visit. (I wasn’t even aware that people did this until after I had my kid and was dressed down by a guest for not having padding around our coffee table. That guest was never invited back.)
Before this goes too off-topic, I agree taking discipline “into your own hands” (implying spanking, slapping, or any other physical discipline) is totally off-limits. I’m a pet owner, you’d be thrown out if you were to strike one of our critters. We don’t use physical force with our well-trained pets (that’s messed up), and if you were to strike one of them as a form of punishment, you would be an ex-guest immediately.
However, I have and will say a firm “no” to a pet that is trying to get into my lap, and set him/her back on the floor, if I’m in a suit and we’re supposed to go somewhere later. There’s a degree of “discipline” there. “Discipline” does NOT mean “stirke”.
And you bet your ass when I found that kid taking cash out of my wallet, he got a very stern: “And just what do you think you’re doing? You are absolutely NOT to go through another person’s wallet or take money without permission.” I would say that qualifies as “discipline” too. I’d do it again in a heartbeat.
But “punishing” the child? Nope, no way, not my prerogative. It was the kid’s father that gave him shit for misbehaving and sent him to his room for the rest of the night.
Same deal with pets. If the pet does something “naughty”, it’s completely the owner’s responsibility. Not my house, not my pet, not my rules. (Unless I have the owner’s consent and guidance on how they are reinforcing specific training.)
That is exactly what I meant. Striking or yelling at (some people seriously freak out and overreact to something like “crotch sniffing” or the animals leaning/rubbing against them and go on a very loud tirade at the animal) the animal isn’t acceptable to me. Saying “No” and pushing a cat out of your lap is fine. Picking the cat out of your lap and throwing it across the room (which a friend of mine did) is not ok.
I guess I wouldn’t feel comfortable even saying “No, don’t do that,” to someone else’s child unless it was something like the wallet situation, or they were running around with a knife or something. If their parents let them climb up on the counters like monkies and knock over the trash, well… it’s not my place to tell them they shouldn’t, I guess, as long as it’s not in MY house.
It blows my mind that some people don’t bother to find out what the consequences of their actions will be. I don’t begrudge anyone for not having a mastery of Web browsing if that’s not what they’re into, but you’d think these people would take a moment to find out if they’re going to leave a trail behind them. I mean, really–do these people not see the “History” button and wonder what it does? The last thing I would want to do is to leave a record of all my fetishes on my friend’s computer. Jeez.
One of my friends has a dog that pissed all over me once when it was a puppy. To his credit, he was mortified and did everything he could to defuse the situation, but his girlfriend thought it was “cute”. Fuck you, bitch, getting pissed on is NOT cute. I’ve been going to that place less and less.
The inability to discriminate between the potential meanings of this word and the way they constantly screamed me down and threw accusations in it’s wake was the #1 reason that I walked away from some friends a few years back.
Oh, I should have walked away a long time before that, but when their dogs would hurt me or destroy my property, or their kids would hit me and I’d respond by saying “You need to discipline your (kids/dogs)”, having two people jump up and scream in my face that they’re not going to HIT their kids or animals, and scream down any attempt on my part to explain that I, a man who was severely abused as a child, certainly DID NOT mean “hit”…well… They’re just too big of assholes for words. Or for continued friendship.
Oh yeah, the bitch physically attacked my 12 year old declawed cat, after taunting it several times while I was repeatedly telling her to stop. The cat was smart enough to run when she flipped out, but she literally dove over the back of the couch trying to go after it. Then when I asked what the hell she thought she was doing, she sputtered for a good five seconds before declaring that she was protecting her 2.5 year old son, who was 6’ away and wrapped up like a little Michelin Man in his winter gear. Oh sure, my 12 year old declawed cat is going to leap past you and savage your child because you taunted him. :rolleyes:
Oh yeah, and when their dog bit me in the crotch and I had to FUCKING PRY HIM OFF, she sat nearby without a single word or movement to help me, then yelled at me for “kicking” her dog (because it fell backwards against her after I pried it off my crotch), THEN blamed the entire thing on ME because I was “stupid enough” to put a napkin on my lap while I was eating and the dog liked to eat paper.
Amazingly enough, there are people who think that I am the bad guy in that whole End-of-Relationship deal.
Anyway, sorry for the hijack, but it’s that whole “discipline must equal hit” assumption that sets me off. Discipline means setting and enforcing rules of behavior.
I’m wondering how the hell you were supposed to know not to put a napkin on your lap while you were eating. Even if this is common for dogs (I have no idea if it is), not everyone is an expert on inappropriate canine eating habits, nor should we be if we aren’t particularly fond of the smelly mutts and want as little to do with them as possible in the first place.
We stayed at some friends’ apartment in New York last year while they were out of town.
During our stay, my wife managed to discolor one of their towels. She must have had some residual makeup or something on her face. Anyway, first thing next morning we went to the store, bought an identical towel to replace the discolored one, and took the discolored one home with us.
I really can’t believe some of the crap that people are describing in this thread. It really is astonishing how inconsiderate some people are.
FWIW, I’ve been around dogs all my life. I have never heard anyone excuse a dog bite with such spurious reasoning, ever. If ever I met a dog owner who did think that was a reasonable explanation, I’d have left so fast I’d have left skid marks.
BTW: Anyone who hands a non-dog person a puppy, without warning him or her that puppies have notorious bladder control, is a bit of an ass in my eyes, too.
This can’t be stressed enough. It’s not only disrespectful to your host, it can be embarassing for the person you’ve brought with you when they discover that their presence – though not necessarily unwanted – was unexpected.
When I say, “Please don’t try to pet Oliver’s belly. I know he is cute and all but he has issues with people touching his stomach and he will bite the crap out of you if you try to rub his belly” it is because I know my cat well enough to know that he hates that. You have been warned and if you choose to pet his belly anyway and you draw back a bloody stump instead of a hand that is your own damn fault.
When I say, “Please don’t feed Joey table scraps” it is because he has a sensitive system and is fed nothing but prescription food after spending several days in the cat hospital not long ago. If you feed him stuff that is not on his diet and he has to be rushed back to the emergency room again I cannot promise that I won’t force feed you rocks until you also have to go to the emergency room.
I make a point of asking guests for any food restrictions with enough time to come up with alternate meals. Between coeliacs, allergics, observant jews, vegetarians, vegans, people who are any of the above and refuse to accept takeout, and basic old dislikes, I think it’s easier for all involved to just ask beforehand. When people answer (and why do they do that?) “oh, I’ll eat anything!” I ask “no allergies or pet peeves?” and amazingly many remember that they are, say, lactose intollerant (ok, and why did I have to ask twice). In cases where I still didn’t think the message had gotten across, I ask whether bull’s balls will be ok - that usually makes them take notice and finally give me the list of Stuff I Do Not Eat.
We had a woman staying with us who had a little Maltese. She was staying with us because she was in town for a month for work, and she had been unceremoniously tossed out of the place she’d been staying at after allegations of viciousness on the part of her Maltese. We believed her claims that the allegations were unfounded, because how could this cute little dog be such a terror? We had extra space so agreed to sub-let it to her, because she really needed a place to go.
This fucking dog bit one of our friends, TWICE. Same friend. Unbelievable. We tried to coach her in dealing with the dog and giving it boundaries, etc. We have a very friendly pit bull and my partner used to live with a nasty Rhodesian Ridgeback (who also used to bite his friends … shudder) so we are somewhat knowledgeable on the subject, and gave her quite specific instructions about how to prevent dog bites (keep the dog under strict control at ALL TIMES when guests are around, etc) but she wasn’t really interested in listening. I guess she didn’t understand that it is unacceptable for any dog to bite a person, even one so small and cute.
So our houseguest’s dog bit another one of our houseguests, twice. She (or at the very least, her dog) will not be invited to be a houseguest again. It’s really too bad because I quite like the dog, it’s not his fault he’s mismanaged. If he lived with us and our pit bull, I am sure he would turn out fine, but he’s kind of *canine non grata *around our place.
(I’m pleased to report that the pit bull was generally disgusted by the Maltese, and did his very best to comfort the bite victim friend. I think he was embarrassed by it all.)