“Makes me glad we live here in Los Angeles.”
“Morbo agrees.”
<both chuckle>
“So, puny humans have easily injured knees…my race will find this very useful indeed. MWUUUHAHAHAHAHAHA!”
“Morbo is pleased but sticky.” (I can’t wait to use that one in another thread now that I’ve changed my username)
“I’ll…always…remember you…Fry… MEMORY DELETED.”
“Thus solving the problem once and for all.”
“But-”
“ONCE AND FOR ALL!!!”
Zap: As I’m sure you all know, the key to a battle is the element of surprise. So SURPRISE!
presses button and drops soldiers out of the ship onto the planet
Farnsworth: Goodnews everyone. The university is bringing me up on disciplinary charges. Wait. Thats not good news at all.
I am going to cheat and not use a quote, but one of my all-time favorite Futurama moments is from the episode “Amazon Women in the Mood” when they tell Zap, Fry and Kiff they are sentenced to death “by Snu-Snu” which is of course sex…with htese giant women…whch wil be painful…annd sex. The expressions on Fry and Zapp’s faces as they alternate between horror and excitement is gut-bustingly funny.
You can’t forget the Bear ‘‘Hospital’’:
http://www.progressiveboink.com/archive/futurama.htm (scroll to #10)
Best moment ever.
Zapp: We know nothing about their language, their culture, or what they look like. But we do know this: They stand for everything we don’t. Plus, they told me you guys look like dorks!
Bender: They’re the dorks!
Robot Devil with Fry’s hands : “They keep touching me in . . . places” < shudder >
Zap Brannigan : “What makes a man . . . neutral ?”
Professor : “No one must open the box ! It’s forbidden, do you hear me ?! FORBIDDEN ! ! . . . still, it’s such a nice shiny box, isn’t it ?” < pets box > *
Alternate Farnsworth : "And when you create a parallel universe it’s almost always populated by evil twins. "
Alternate Bender : "This is awful. Somewhere there’s a more evil Bender than me! I do my best, damnit! "
Fry about Bender : < gasp > “Benders turned evil !” < pause > “Alright, eviller.”
Morbo to Zap : "Stop eating our children ! ! < Zap keeps munching >
Not Morbo; the Zeta Persei guy.
Male Nibblonian : “Does he not know ?”
Nibbler : "He does not know. "
Female Nibblonian : “He knows not ?”
Nibbler : “Knows not does he.”
Nibblonian : “Not he knows ?”
Femputer : “The Amazonians will be divided into three groups. The one called Zapp will be snu-snued by the large women. He that is designated Fry will be snu-snued by the petite women. And Kif, as the most attractive male, will be snu-snued by the most beautiful women of Amazonia. Then the large women. Then the petite women. Then the large women again.”
Fry : “Goodbye, friends. I never thought I’d die like this. But I always really, really hoped”
Farnsworth : "Buddha! Zeus! God! One of you guys, do something! Satan, you owe me! "
Sex-changed Bender : “Men make much better women than women do !”
Bender: Many said I was too extreme when I first called for the annihilation of the human species, as well as some of the more cunning monkeys, but after living on Earth, I can tell you that I am, if anything, too merciful!
Fry: Remember, Scooty Puff Junior suuuucccckkkkssss.
Nibbler: In a thousand years, I’ll get right on it.
From “The Lesser of Two Evils,” which introduced Bender’s “evil” twin Flexo:
***Flexo: ***Hey Fry… think fast!
<blows cloud of green gas in Fry’s face; Fry sputters and coughs>
***Flexo: *** Get it? It’s chlorine!
***Zoidberg: ***Hahahaha! It’s funny because it’s poisonous!
And from the same episode—Bender, Flexo, and Fry in a robot strip club called “Electric Ladyland,” watching a huge fembot on-stage:
Bender: Hubba hubba, she is built! … in Mexico, I believe.
Flexo: And that ain’t silicon! It’s tungsten, and plenty of it!
Fry: Uh, yeah. Look at that… exhaust fan!
<both robots react with “eeeww!!”>
Bender: Pervert!
Fry and Bender enter room, see 110110101 written in blood on the wall.
Fry: Bender, what does that mean?
Bender: Nothing. It’s gibberish.
Bender turns and sees writing reflected in mirror.
Bender: 101011011? AAAAAAH!
There are too many for me to know where to start, but there was a Scary Door episode where a man is alone after an apocolypse; he finds a library but then he breaks his glasses. He finds large print books, but his eyes fall out. Then he finds the Braille editions, but his hands fall off and he falls completely apart.
Bender: “Cursed by his own hubris.”
Fry approaches an old cheap fortune telling robot. I forget exactly how the exchange goes, but here’s the gist:
Fortune Teller: Have you heard of the God-searching monks of Tibet?
Fry: (as if being helpful) I’ve…not heard of them…
“Kif! I have made it with a woman. Inform the men.”
Linda: In what has become a winter tradition, members of the Zarlon 7 “Polar Bear Club” today took the plunge into a river of liquid ammonia.
Morbo: There were no survivors.
“Once again, today’s winning Lotto number was 4.”
“In lighter news, the city of New New York is doomed. Blame rests with known human Professor Hubert Farnsworth and his tiny, inferior brain.”
“And I’m his friend Jesus!”
“Would you like some human with your salt?”
Walter Cronkite’s Head: Season’s Warnings, Linda and Morbo.
You left out:
Fry: Is it any good?
Lela: It varies from person to person.
HA! Get it? Person to Person in the Soylent Cola! That’s just some funny stuff!
[QUOTE=Der Trihs]
Not Morbo; the Zeta Persei guy.[/QOUTE]
<snip>
Lor of Omicron Persei 8
Leela: “Burn on the old crew! The only things they did better than us were suck and die!”
Morbo: “…And that’s why the third graders of PS139 are Morbo’s ‘Vermin of the Week’”
Bender: “Gee whiz, Santa. You want me to help you?”
Fry: “Don’t do it! He’s evil!”
Robot Santa: “I know he is, but I have no choice.”
The fact that Fry is talking to Bender, but Robot Santa answers is hilarious.
Fry: “Drugs are for losers, and hypnosis is for losers with big, weird eyebrows!”
Probably the best Futurama quote ever:
“You watched it, you can’t unwatch it!”
From the same episode:
Bender: You’re no femputer! You’re a fembot!
Fembot: It’s true. I disguised myself as a femputer so I could rule the Amazonians.
Bender: But why?
Fembot: Why? Why? I came here from a faraway planet. A planet ruled by a chauvinistic manputer- that was really a manbot. Have you any idea how it feels to be a fembot living in a manbot’s manputer’s world?
Bender: What?
Half the fun is in the way Bender says “What?” It’s perfectly pitched between “I don’t understand” and “I don’t care.”
You mean… Lrrr?
“No beer until you finish your tequila!”
“I guess that’s why Sarge says no hugging.”
“That dance wasn’t as safe as everyone said.”
“Kids have names?!”
Fry: What’s so wonderful about Leela being normal? The rest of us aren’t normal and that’s what makes us great. Like Doctor Zoidberg! He’s a weird monster who smells like he eats garbage, and he does!
Zoidberg: Damn right!
Fry: And the Professor’s a senile amoral crackpot.
Farnsworth: Ohhh, ye-eh-eh-eh!
Fry: Hermes is a Rastafarian accountant.
Hermes: Tally me banana!
Fry: Amy’s a klutz from Mars.
Amy: [drops wine glass] L’oops!
Farnsworth: And Fry! You’ve got that brain thing!
Fry: I already did!
My favorite quote (the quantum finish) was already hit (twice).
So I’ll go with one from “Fear of a Bot Planet”:
Guard Robot #1: Administer the test.
Guard Robot #2: Which of the following would you most prefer? A: A puppy, B: A pretty flower from your sweetie, or C: A large properly formatted data file?
Guard Robot #1: Choose!
Fry: Is the puppy mechanical in any way?
Guard Robot #2: No. It is the bad kind of puppy.
Leela: Then we’ll go with that data file.
Guard Robot #2: Correct.
Guard Robot #1: The flower would also have been acceptable.
After Nibbler & the Niblonians describe how Fry’s brain is composed of cobbled together delta waves…
Leela: Or like a prom dress made of carpet remnants
Nibbler: YES! Like your prom dress!