favorite provincial sayings (non-American)

I am interested in reading some of the local expressions from all you overseas Dopers. If appropriate, please include a loose translation (in case it is impossible to break the code and determine the meaning).

If you have a really funny/unique American regional one, throw that in as well.

Just a few from Australia (my aplogies

I need to go for a pee:

“Gonna drain me dragon.”
“My back teeth are floating.”
“I’m off to drain the main vein.”
“Time to splatter the bladder.”

I’m hungry:

“I could eat the crotch out of a dead leper’s undies.”
“I could eat the horse and chase the jockey.”
“So hungry I could eat the arse out of a low flying duck.”

I need to do a poo:

“I gotta go give birth to a politician.”
“I’m takin’ a stroll to the gravy bowl.”
“It was like giving birth to Kim Beasly (politician).”
“Time to snap off a grogan.”
“Have to hang a brown bear in the porcelain cave.”
“There’s a brown dog barking at the back door.”
“I’m going to give birth to your twin.”
“Need to choke a brown dog.”
“I gotta back one out.”
“Release the Chocolate hostage”
There’s more but I’ll leave it at that

You forgot; “there’s a turtle head in my underpants”

"Release the Chocolate hostage."


Thanks so much, I enjoyed them all. I knew that Australia would chime in with some classics.

I’m not exactly overseas (canuck) but I’m given to believe that the phrase “fucking the dog” (being lazy, particularly when one is supposed to be working,) is not widely used in the U.S.

A few years ago, we had a house-guest from California stayin’ for a week or so, and you should have seen his face after this exchange with my roommate–

Jake: Haven’t seen ya all day-- what’ve you been up to?
Jason: Oh, just downstairs, fuckin’ the dog.

(There was a spaniel in the house.)

Also dog-related – “Hungry enough to eat an old dead dog in a ditch.”

A peculiarly Melbourne saying, of someone who is a bit brash, is:

“He’s got more front than Myers”.

(Myer is a department store in central Melbourne that was, for many years the largest and took up much of Bourke St.)

Then there’s another one that is of more controversial origins:
When somebody is not given much of a hope of succeeding at something, he is said to have…

“Buckleys chance”.
Now this could have derived from an old convict who escaped the clutches of the colonial penal system to live out his days with a tribe of local aborigines, William Buckley.
Or there was yet another departments store in Melb. called “Buckleys and Nunn”, and perhaps the adage came from there.

That local enough for ya??

From central Pennsylvania, about a thin person:

“He hasn’t got enough fat on his ass to fry his ears”

From Texas, I believe:

“It’s rainin’ like a cow pissin’ on a flat rock”

“It’s darker than the inside of a cow” (hmmm, a pattern here)

Since you liked the last lot:

I’m thirsty:
(hope these don’t offend anyone)

“I’m dry as a dead dingo’s donger.”
“I’m drier than a nuns nasty.”
“I’m dry as a f*%# with no foreplay.”
“I’m as dry as a pommie’s bath mat.”
“I’m as dry as a bulls bum going up a hill backwards.”


“I was driving the porcelain bus this morning.”
“I left him a lawn pizza.”
“Toss a tiger on the carpet.”


“I hope your ears turn into arseholes and shit on your shoulders.”
“About as useful as tits on a bull.”
“He had a head on him like a sucked mango.”
“May your chooks turn into emus and kick your dunny down.”
“He’s got a few roos loose in the top paddock.”
“As ugly as a hat of arseholes.”
“Got a face like a bashed in shit can.”
“About as useful as a one-legged man in an arse-kicking competition.”
“A stubbie short of a six pack.”
“Seen better heads in a piss trough.”
“So tight that he wouldn’t shout if a shark bit him.”
“Face like a smashed crab.”
“As ugly as a bulldog chewing a wasp.”
“You’ve got a head like a half-eaten pastie.”
“She’s been hit with the fugley stick too many times.”
“You’ve got a head like a dropped pie.”
“Wouldn’t know if someone was up him sideways with an armful of deck chairs.”


“Ya bloods worth bottling!”


“Does a fat dog fart?”
“Does a Koala shit in a gum tree and wipe his ass on a Cockatoo?”
“Bloody oath!”
“No wucking furries.”


“Going off like a frog in a sock.” (try to picture this one)

From the Canadian prairies:

“he’s sucking slough water” - someone engaged in a fruitless or silly exercise.

“he’s playing hockey with a warped puck” - a variant on the “brick short of a load” type of comment.

“don’t let it rent space in your mind” - it’s not worth bothering about

“I’m fuller than the Pope’s balls” - After a satisfying meal
“Someone’s smugglin’ peas!” - A woman with erect nipples is in the vicinity
“Get a dog upya!” - An insult and expression of disapproval

There is a family in my town called the Baulkits, who are unashamedly into incest. So, “baulkit” is an insult in my town now.

It’s sad that I thought of that one, and I can’t think of any other (that haven’t been mentioned) at the moment. :frowning: