The Simpsons -
Smithers: “…what’s this about a fisting?”
(Context - Flanders is trying to get Homer to punch him in the face. He says “Come on Homer, I’m insisting on a fisting!” and Smithers suddenly appears.)
C.J. Cregg: “I can’t believe we’re the same species.”
George Costanza: “It didn’t take.”
“This tape will self-destruct in five seconds.”
“Kiss my grits!”
“You know how sometimes after a long day you’ll come home and toss your coat over a chair? Well, imagine if instead of a chair, it’s a pile of garbage. And instead of a coat, it’s a pile of garbage.”
- Ross, describing the slovenly habits of a woman he has recently started dating
“Wreckers of law and order. Communists, Maoists, Trotskyists, neo-Trotskyists, crypto-Trotskyists, union leaders, Communist union leaders, atheists, agnostics, long-haired weirdos, short-haired weirdos, vandals, hooligans, football supporters, namby-pamby probation officers, rapists, papists, papist rapists, foreign surgeons - headshrinkers, who ought to be locked up, Wedgwood Benn, keg bitter, punk rock, glue-sniffers, “Play For Today”, Clive Jenkins, Roy Jenkins, Up Jenkins, up everybody’s, Chinese restaurants - why do you think Windsor Castle is ringed with Chinese restaurants?”
"You realise the sort of people you’re going to attract, don’t you, Jimmy? Thugs, bully-boys, psychopaths, sacked policemen, security guards, sacked security guards, racialists, Paki-bashers, queer-bashers, Chink-bashers, anybody-bashers, rear Admirals, queer admirals, Vice Admirals, fascists, neo-fascists, crypto-fascists, loyalists, neo-loyalists, crypto-loyalists.
Homer (grumbling): Take thy beak from out my heart and take thy form from off my door.
Narrator: Quoth the Raven–
Raven Bart: Nevermore.
Homer: Why you little–
Raven Bart: Uh, oh!
Sir, are you absolutely sure? It DOES mean changing the bulb!
There’s a brief dialog at the end of a Kojak episode that impressed me. Kojak has just gotten off the witness stand where the judge scolded him for failing to read defendant his Miranda rights, etc. In fact Kojak’s failure was deliberate: the defendant was a nice guy propelled to violence against a loanshark.
Capt: “Internal Affairs is going to want to question you.”
Lt. Kojak: “I’ll tell them: To err is human.”
Capt. “They don’t pay us to be human, Theo.”
Lt. Kojak: “Well how about: To forgive is divine.”
“Turn right at rock that look like bear. Then turn left at bear that look like rock.”
George Gobel, many years ago: “If it wasn’t for electricity we would all be watching TV by candle- light.”
How about Max at the top of Hart to Hart: “I take care of both of 'em, which ain’t easy, 'cause when they met, it was murder!”
“Shazam! Go-o-o-o-o-lee!”
“Surprise, surprise, surprise!”
“Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me!”
“Pvt. Pyle looks up to you. He considers you a father figure.”*
*Yeah, right! :rolleyes:
“We-e-e-el, doggies!”
"A typical case, whom we shall refer to as ‘Mr A’—although his real name is this:
ARTHUR JACKSON
32A MILTON AVENUE,
HOUNSLOW, MIDDLESEX."
“I know NO-THING, I see NO-THING!”
“You know nothing, Sergeant Schultz”
--Ygritte (in a very weird alternate reality)
from Archer: When they’re alive they’re call girls, Cyril! When they’re dead, they’re hookers!
So go already, bag with which one douches!
“What’s goin’ on, Mr. Peterson?” “I’d rather talk about what’s goin’ IN Mr. Peterson.”