Favourite "Archer" lines

“Balls! Ha, I was laughing at your name.”

Cracks me up every time…what are yours?

Just the tip!

It’s like meow-schwitz in there.

Okay, then, I guess just pout.

Call Kenny Loggins, cause you’re in the Danger Zone.

>I’m from Germany, where the age of consent is 14.
>What is it, the Alabama of Europe?

No! Lana! The helium!

Why don’t you get your daddy to buy you a roll of quarters?

Archer: No Cyril, when they’re dead they’re just hookers!

“…and then the drool hits you right in the eye!”
“I know, right? HOT!”

I didn’t invent the turtleneck, but I was the first to recognize its potential as a tactical garment. The tactical turtlemeck. The tactalneck.

5 in black and 5 in a slightly darker black.

Cheryl: And now we’re on the brink of World War Two.
Pam: Three.
Cheryl: It’s not a competition, Pam!

Holy shit snacks!

And ‘the wee baby Seamus’ gets me everytime.

“My car’s slowing down… for some reason… I think it’s all out of carburetor…”

The opening scene from the first episode still cracks me up.
“…and the go-cart battery…”
“Golf cart!”

Pam’s more full of crap than she is of carbohydrates!

Archer: Cause you blew the drop!
Lana: I blew jack shit!
Archer: Name-dropper.

You’re not my supervisor!!!

“Well, the core concept, obviously.”

The Mister and I have taken to shouting “Yup!” and “Nope!” at appropriate moments about the house.

Oh yeah, if one of my friends or I leave something in a mess or whatever, someone always yells, “Do you want ants? Cuz that’s how you get ants!”

Mallory: “If I wanted to be a grandmother, I’d scrape together all of your ‘accidents’ into a pile and knit it a onesie!”


This pen is actually a syringe filled with an extremely lethal poison. Be careful with it, the cap falls off all the time, for like, no reason.

“So, what would you say if I told you that your mother made a phony bomb threat just to get a free ride on a blimp?”
“I’d say that’s fairly classic her.”

“I am sick of you getting the best assignments just because your mother’s the boss! Do you know how that feels?”
“Besides awesome?”

“Careful, because in about three drinks you’re gonna get all boo-hooey and ask me to pump a baby in you.”
“You watch.”
“No I won’t.”
“You guys should totally do that! The mochaccino ones are the cutest! Guess he’d be half-gay, too, though. So, can you say Best Dancer Ever?”

“Seriously, Lana. This must be what it’s like to have sex with me.”
“How could an air boat be selfish?”

“Lieutenant Scripes abhorred the way Reggie, err, Captain Thistleton carried on with the men.”
“Yeah, didn’t Oscar Wilde get hard labor for that?”