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“No buttered scones for me, matre, i’m off to play the grand piano!”
I use that one all the time.
There’s a penguin on the telly
“Ah, now we see the violence inherent in the system.”
I’ve pretty much stopped quoting Monty Python (and it’s been a while since I watched any of their stuff, even though I have most of the movies and Flying Circus on DVD) but the Oliver Cromwell song served me well on a test on the English Civil War in high school.
Let’s see, favorite lines…
“It’s our cat. He doesn’t do anything. He just sits out there on the lawn.” Mostly because that describes every cat I’ve known, at least at some point.
The choir in the summarize Proust competition.
We interrupt this program to annoy you, and to make things generally irritating.
Tschaikowsky — was he the tortured soul who poured out his immortal longings into dignified passages of stately music? Or was he just an old poof who wrote tunes?
Look, I don’t think you’ve quite got the hang of this phrase, sergeant major.
Would Albert Einstein ever have hit upon the theory of relativity if he hadn’t been clever? Would Rutherford ever have split the atom if he hadn’t tried? Could Marconi have invented the radio if he hadn’t, by pure chance, spent years working at the problem?
His name’s Riley. Jack Riley. He’s that most rare of criminals … a blancmange impersonator and cannibal.
*
And finally . . .
*Fivepenny please.
*
It’s a man’s life in England’s mountains green.
“And what do you do for a living?”
“I clean public lavatories”
“Is there advancement in that?”
“Yeah, after five years they give me a brush!”
Ce n’est pas Clodagh Rodgers–c’est Trotsky!
“Oh, we want to fly an aer-o-plane ! No more crumpets for me, mater, I’m off to play the grahnd pi-ah-no !”
" My dog’s got no nose"
" How does he smell ? "
" Awful "
For some reason, I find myself very fond of saying “philosopher” or “philosophy” in that puzzled hesitant fake American midwest accent, and of course, “Oh waiter. This conversation isn’t very good.”
and “shut up! you, you AMERICAN!” and “THE SALMON MOOOUSSE” in the dreadful intonations of the Grim Reaper.
And when I’m with my husband, “ooh, you are so big…so absolutely huge…you are so strong and just, well, super…” in the ponderous rote tones of the chaplain.
And, (impatient tone) “did I or did I not do VAGINAL JUICES?!?!” and “we have ALL THESE possibilities before we go STAMPEDING TOWARDS the clitoris!!” and “we’ll take the foreplay as read my dear.”
and who doesn’t love to say, “PING!”?
All that’s just from Meaning of Life, which is probably my favorite. Great stuff in Holy Grail and the sketch show, but I love the song about the planet earth, and frankly, there’s surreal Pythonisms everywhere you look, or maybe I just spend too much time talking to my dogs. Probably that’s it.
And now for something completely different…
The entire Philosopher’s Song! Some dribs and drabs from memory here:
Rene Descarte was a drunken fart
I drink therefore I am
There’s nothing Nietzech couldn’t teach ya
About the raising of the wrist
Socrates himself was permanently pissed
…
Hobbs was fond of a dram
And of course:
"This parrot is dead…
Umm…I can’t think of anything.
From the Upper-class Twit of the Year Competition:
“He doesn’t know when he’s beaten. He doesn’t know anything. He has no sensory apparatus known to man!” (paraphrased)
My friends and I have used that line in reference to certain people.
From Life of Brian:
“You are all individuals!”
“I’m not.”
“SSSHHH!”
In fact that whole scene is brilliant.
I fart in your general direction.
Thanks to the miracle of atomic mutation …! (The cat is what does it for me.)
I will now play Three Blinded Mice on my mouse-a-fone. (Followed by whacking mice with a mallet and hearing the tune for Three Blind[ed] Mice in the resulting thuds and squeaks.)
You’re a loony! (Said by King Arthur after the Black Knight asserts that he’s invincible even tho he no longer has any arms.)
My hovercraft is full of eels!
Episode 14: Eric Idle as a dirty (old?) man looking at ads on a bulletin board trying to figure out which one is the coded ad for a prostitute without actually asking for it. After trying to give a sexual interpretation to everything on the list (“I’d like some chest of drawers please.” “I’d like a bit of pram please.”), the shopkeeper (Terry Jones), after playing it straight the whole time, finally just shakes his head.
Idle: Oh, spit. Which one is it?
For some reason that line, the way it’s said and after everything that went before it, just keeps cracking me up.
It finishes with him reading a final ad: “Blond prostitute will indulge in any sexual activity for four quid a week. What does that mean?”
And now, a man with three buttocks…
“Yon rabbit has a vicious streak a mile wide.”