FedEx equals Satan's Spawn

The BBQ Pit
1

Ok, I hardly ever come into the PIT, for much more than goofin’ on people, or sharing their misery about something or other. And I’ve only ever started my own thread here once, but I must rant, even if briefly because I am I-Fucking-Rate. Capital I, capital F, capital RATE!!

My wife and I paid for our computer last Wednesday at the Gateway Country Store. We really really wanted that system as soon as possible, so we ponied up for the two-day delivery.

Fuck up number one - Gateway’s fault. They never sent the order in until Friday night. No new computer for the weekend. Assholes.

Ok - plan B - As soon as I woke up this morning I checked the tracking number. "Your package is IN South San Francisco. Uh-oh - do I take the day off or not? I figure I’ll go to work and diligently keep up on the tracking number.

Around 9am I check it again. No new news. So I called customer service and spoke to a representative. She tells me the packages are due to be delivered on Tuesday. Fine. I ask her, “Is there any possibility that they will be delivered today?” Her reply, “No sir, they will be delivered on Tuesday.”

Now, here’s the part where my head explodes. I just checked the tracking number again. “Attempted delivery was made at 10am. Unfortunately no one was home to accept delivery.”

Now, maybe it’s just me, but DIDN’T I JUST FUCKING ASK A SIMPLE QUESTION??
“Today? Yes? No? Maybe?”
“Oh, no sir, today is right out.”
I turn around and not a goddamned hour later did the fucking truck show up at my house. If she didn’t know, she should have said so. Customer disservice!! I want to track down that simple shit-fer-brains operator and jam her friggin’ head-set up her ass! I want stuff her in a goddamned Fedex box and put her through a shredder! I want to twist of her ignorant hat rack of a head and piss down her windpipe!

Whew. I feel better now.

No I don’t. I’m still fucking pissed!

2

That’s why my husband and I have a “Mailboxes, Etc.” shipping address. They will sign for packages from FedEx, etc. Makes life that much easier. He’s not open as late as when he first opened up, but he’s open later than the Post Office at least.

3

FedEx O’Neill.

Has a nice ring to it, I must say.

4

If FedEx is the spawn of Satan then UPS is its ugly sister. Last year I ordered some tapes from a local store. I asked them to ship them to me. They did. Now keep in mind that the shipping distance is about 5 miles. So they ship it to my home, but don’t leave it there because someone has to sign for it. Fine. I understand. I don’t like it, but I’ll deal. I ask them to send it to my work address. They send it to my home again.

Every day for a week, I get these little yellow slips on my door saying that they tried to deliver it but I wasn’t home. Every day I call and tell them to change the address. The stupid fucks. And they have the nerve to tell me that if I need the package now, I can simply drive and hour North to pick it up. Huh? They’re a fucking package delivery service, for chrissakes! And they expect me to pick it up?

Then one day the yellow slips stop coming. Great, did they finally deliver it to work? Hell no. This is when the real fun begins.

I get a call from the tape place. They explain that they got a call from a guy at Foxboro Stadium who wonders why they sent him this package. Foxboro Stadium? Like an hour South of here? So every day I call and ask where my package is. Yep, still safe and sound at the Stadium, just where their paperwork says it should be. The dain bread fucknoses.

This went on for a goddam week. The resolution? The guy at Foxboro Stadium that got the package, by some coincidence, lives 3 doors down from me. He made the delivery that United Phuckup Disservice could only dream of. And in 1/14th the time.

5

Oh, goody, goody, I get to bitch about FedEx.

Week before last, on Thursday, I ordered a new printer cartridge from Canon. They sent it FexEx, 3day delivery. Said I should get it by Monday.

Fast forward to the following Friday. I call Canon. Where’s my cartridge? It had been shipped the previoud Thursday, I should have it by now. I get tracking number, call FedEx.

Package was delivered Monday, signed for by E. Peeples. I have no idea who E. Peeples is. I bitch at the computer generated voice until it finally gives up and gives me a live human.

I tell human that the computer was claiming that the package had been delivered and signed for.I don’t know who E. Peeples is. Either my mother or I had been home all day, so if the delivery driver had knocked, one of us would have been there to receive the package. No knock at the door, no little sticky note on the door saying delivery had been attempted, nothing, where’s my package?

Delivery guy had simply dropped the package off at the complex office. Of course, the people in the office had assumed that the delivery guy had attempted delivery and left a note, so they didn’t call me, just kind of left in in a corner and forgot about it.

Lady in the office says she knows this FedEx guy, and he’s just plain lazy. Couldn’t walk an extra twenty feet and take on a single flight of stairs to bring my package to my door. Meantime, my mom is trying to do business with people who want to fax her information, and we can’t do it because there’s no printer cartridge in the maching (I have one of those print/scan/fax combos.)

6

Well here it is 8:30 pm, and FedEx has only partially redeemed itself. I am typing this from brand spanking new computer (three cheers for Jack). They had it at their depot in South City at exactly the time they said they would. However I am missing the speakers which were supposed to come with the package. Now I realize this is probably Gateway’s fault and not FedEx’s, but fuck it, I’m on a roll.

GODDAMNED MOTHER-FUCKING FEDEX PROBABLY LOST MY STUPID MONKEY ASS LICKING SPEAKERS!!!

7

Uh… Jack? Hope you’re enjoying your new computer! :smiley:

8

Emjoying it? I’m practically orgasmic.

I’m heading over to MPSIMS right now to proclaim my joy.

9

:eek: All over your new computer? Ewwwwwwwww!!! Wipe it off before it dries!!

10

I can’t believe I didn’t know that. You just made my life 100% easier. Thanks!

PS- if it’s a safe place, you can leave instructions for Fed-Ex and UPS to LEAVE THE DAMNED PACKAGE without a sig. When I order from Lands End, I have instructions (and they print it in big letters on the package) “LEAVE THIS PACKAGE ON PORCH. NO SIG REQUIRED. DO NOT LEAVE AT NEIGHBORS HOUSE- THEY DID NOT ORDER THIS MERCHANDISE”

I did it via the internet, so it actually prints this on every package. Kick ass!

Zette

PS- Fed Ex blows donkey dicks, but it’s pretty much the best there is. UPS once left a brand new monitor outside my city apartment. And it rained. Assholes.

11

I hope everyone likes the sound file I embeedded in this post!

Yer pal,
Satan - Commissioner, The Teeming Minions

*TIME ELAPSED SINCE I QUIT SMOKING:
Five months, two weeks, four days, 2 hours, 43 minutes and 58 seconds.
6844 cigarettes not smoked, saving $855.57.
Extra time with Drain Bead: 3 weeks, 2 days, 18 hours, 20 minutes.

*“I’m a big Genesis fan.”-David B. (Amen, brother!)

12

Nice try. I still got my old speakers, shitty as they may be.

13

I use Fed Ex and UPS everyday to ship to our other offices everyday. Never had a problem with either one of them. The deliveries make it one time everytime. Though…packages look like war veterans after going through UPS.

However, if I ever have a delivery to my residence…forget it. They’re just not residential delivery friendly companies. So now I just tell them to deliver it to my work address everytime.

Though, UPS kicked ass when I ordered my Gateway. I rushed home at lunch to find the yellow sticky on my door. I had missed the guy by a half hour. Then just as I was pulling out to go back to work, the UPS guy pulls up. My computer was his last delivery in my neighborhood and he decided to make another drive-by to see if I was home. I could have kissed him.

14

Same. I’ve never had a problem with FedEx or UPS.

What’s with this new FedEx “Custom Critical” I see popping up everywhere with blue color scheme?

Oh well. Story for UPS. I am a DJ on top of my day job, and many times I’ve ordered records from a store in the UK… rare records, things that were limited or whatever.

Anyhow, since I’m always at work I have personal packages shipped to the office.

I had ordered a record from this store in the UK to be shipped. However, between the time I ordered it and the time it arrived, I’d left the company. I didn’t work there anymore so the reception people refused the shipment.

About a week after the refusal I received an e-mail from UPS. They’d gotten ahold of the shipper, got my e-mail address, and sent me an e-mail saying “Hey, this package was supposed to go to you, it was refused, can we get a new address to send it to?”.

I was floored…

That is the kind of personal touch I like to see, and I’d like to see more of. I was really really impressed, and since then I use UPS for just about everything I ship.

Kudos to UPS.

15

Actually, the worst out there is the cheap-ass company mt company uses for almost all of its overnight and 2nd day packages - AIRBORNE EXPRESS.

Trust me… Their motto should be, “When it absolutely, positively, has to be… Um, what did you want again?”

Yer pal,
Satan - Commissioner, The Teeming Minions

*I HAVE BEEN SMOKE-FREE FOR:
Five months, two weeks, four days, 12 hours, 48 minutes and 6 seconds.
6861 cigarettes not smoked, saving $857.67.
Extra life with Drain Bead: 3 weeks, 2 days, 19 hours, 45 minutes.

*“I’m a big Genesis fan.”-David B. (Amen, brother!) **