Feeling angry and frustrated

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

I imagine this is a common feeling these days. And I suppose in the grand scheme of things, I’m actually pretty fortunate. And yet, every day I have a distinct sensation of wanting to smash my fucking head against the wall as hard as I can repeatedly until it’s time for bed again.

Anyhow, just felt like venting before going to bed and waking up to a brand new day of brand new frustrations.

Feel fee to add your own or whatever.

2

I never thought I had so much anger inside of me until I saw Arizona’s reaction to COVID. I was waking up mad at the mask-holes I saw every single day.

I’m now smoking a couple of ounces of high grade weed every month. I’m not so mad all the time, but its a rather expensive cure. I’m sure that others will chime in with better suggestions besides “stay stoned all the time”.

3

I think I’ve gone past angry and frustrated. Now I’m just withdrawn, demoralized and despondent. For a variety of reasons.

4

Whoa – what’s happened that I haven’t heard about?

5

I’ve taken to swinging heavy things around while on the calls that now consume most of my working days. As a result, I’m well prepared for the zombie apocalypse once the ammo runs out. “It’s time to nut up or shit up!”

It’s a good thing I live alone.

Stranger

6

Well… you’ve probably heard about most or all of it…

For me, personally: global pandemic, social isolation, working long hours during said global pandemic with months of my only face-to-face contact with other humans being customers (some of which have been maskholes or political cultists), the death of people I know personally in my wider social circle, political BS, catching covid, more political BS, attempted insurrection, lots of cold, dark, and now too much snow, and general frustration.

I have coping strategies but this has been a long slog and what’s really needed in a change in the overall environment. Which I can’t do anything about. Which is more frustration.

7

Adam on Mythbusters did ‘confirn’ an ax is better than a gun when fighting a zombie horde, so maybe you’re on to something:

8

Also, you don’t have to worry about reloading. I bet I can take down three or four at a swipe with a 20 lb steel mace. I need to get a haircut and work on my entry, though, if I really want to perform.

Stranger

9

Glad I’m not the only one. I’ve been o.k. for the last 10 months. However, winter has broken me. Two weeks of sub freezing temps, many nights sub zero. Twenty inches of snow fell Monday. In ONE DAY. Add that to the existing foot that’s on the ground. I had double cataract surgery end of January beginning of February and while I love not needing glasses, my activity level was at about zero. Couldn’t visit my horse, let alone ride her. I’m tired, I’m cranky, and everything pisses me off.

10

I kind of feel like I’ve actually forgotten “doing stuff” it’s been so long.

11

I told my therapist that I didn’t feel like I was getting anything done, so she had me make a list of everything I’m doing right now, from teaching my baby to eat, to writing a federal grant, and now I’m overwhelmed. Well, I was overwhelmed to begin with, but yes, this fucking sucks. My husband says the biggest trend he’s seen with his clients during COVID is that the ones with ADHD are drowning, and that is exactly how I feel, my ADHD has never been worse and I am drowning. Being at home all the time, there are no lines or compartments for me to organize my life, it’s just one giant fucking mess I can’t get my head around. At least I know I’m not alone.

12

For me personally?

  1. health issues that can’t be solved, just lived with.
  2. Global pandemic.
  3. Lost my job around the start of the pandemic. I found another one but I’m tired of being laid off every year or two. Even with money, you can’t buy a house w/o job security.
  4. Mom got sick and died in 2020. I decided to move back home to help take care of her the last six months of her life. Luckily my new job is WFH. but that was hard. Watching your mom scream in pain when she had to go to the bathroom is hard. I felt a mix of sadness and relief when she died. She wanted to die because she didn’t like living like that.
  5. New job I got is related to Covid so the workload was extremely hard and they had very poor training (because it was a pandemic situation). So work was extremely stressful at the same time mom was dying.
  6. Half the country is so deranged that no matter how corrupt, cruel, criminal, incompetent or destructive you are as a politician, 60-75 million people will vote for you as long as you say white people are better than black people. It makes me realize that the US is deeply dysfunctional and will not change anytime soon.
  7. I had some therapies I used to do regularly with professionals to help with my mental health. But due to covid, its not nearly as easy to get healthcare as it was pre-March 2020. Plus my work schedule is an off shift, so getting in on a weekday isn’t easy. I don’t get off work until they are closed for the day.
  8. In a lot of ways I’m maturing, which means being more honest with my shortcomings. I’m feeling like its safer for me to just wall myself off at home rather than risk humiliating myself in public.
  9. My brother and his wife destroyed my relationship with my nieces about 3 years ago. they did it because they wanted me to say it was my fault that a rich person yelled at them. In the last six months they’ve been letting me talk to the kids again, but now I don’t feel safe bonding with them emotionally because I know my brother and his wife could destroy it all over again. I loved those kids like my own kids, now I’m scared to get close to them.

I’m just tired.

13

Yes. This. So very tired and burned out.

15

Yeah, I’m getting there. Like you, I’m pretty fortunate. COVID hasn’t severely sickened anyone I know personally, and I’m able to safely work from home and have enjoyed solid job/financial security over the past year, and our house is a pleasant environment in which to hunker down and wait out the pandemic

OTOH, I haven’t gone anywhere or done anything in the past year. We get groceries (and pretty much everything else) delivered, so we don’t go to stores. Or restaurants. Barely even drive the cars at all. I like my wife, but being together literally 24/7/365, including during what is supposed to be my workday, is getting old; I’m missing a measure of autonomy and independence that I used to have.

I haven’t seen my elderly dad in a year, and keep getting reports from my sister about how his mental and physical health is declining under the very isolating protective measures being enforced in his assisted-living facility. I don’t know how much longer he’ll be around; I’m hoping I get to see him again soon.

Insomnia is getting worse. Not sure how much is due to circumstances, and how much is due to genetics (my older siblings have had similar struggles). These days I often wake up at 3AM and rarely get much sleep after that. I’m fucking tired of being tired.

16

This happened before the pandemic but I bet some of you can relate:

My brother called me, said he scored a pair of excellent tickets to a concert that was a couple months away. Do you want to go?

“No, I don’t think so”, I said.

“Why not?”

Me, without even thinking about it or trying to be funny: “I’m tired”.

mmm

17

That reminds me of (pre-pandemic):

Husband: We have been invited…

Me: (wincing) Nooooo

Husband: You don’t even know what we’ve been invited to yet!

18

I’m sorry, man. Sounds like you’ve been through the ringer.

Hope 2021 is better for you, even if only one of these items improves.

19

I got maskholes, mom dying, the big betrayal by those who claimed to have certain morals (e.g. mentor who now thinks Trump is a prophet from God, old Sunday School teacher who unfriended me over masks), finding out my church can’t handle sexual assault of a friend (and my sisters roommates), how stressful things were when mom’s surgery that should have saved her didn’t work, or staying up all night to keep her around. Governments not doing what they need to stop this, being scared my dad might get this and frustrated at people taking unnecessary risks. And then just the typical running into assholes online.

Even when it’s only one that I’m actively thinking about, I’m sure all contribute to the anger.

And it’s at a time when, in memory of my mom, I’m trying to get my anger u der control. It stressed her out so much…

20

Same. I’m lucky I haven’t had to deal with real tragedy, but I suffer from chronic depression, and COVID has cut me off from my best coping tools. We’re trying to build a life despite all the limitations. Sometimes I think, “this is fine, I’m doing okay, we’ll make it” and other times I think “oh my god I can’t stand another minute.”

21

This is how I look at it. With Covid, that has basically stripped away any activities that would serve as recreation, entertainment, stress relief, or even just a break from the annoying, unpleasant, or mundane aspects of life.

So basically what we have left is a family of 4 stuck in an overpriced small condo staring at screens all day.

All day long I am bombarded by constant multiple competing requests from work, wife, kids, etc. faster than I can respond to them. Basically a dozen children screaming “I want!!!” “I want!!” at me. So I can never relax or unwind or focus on any one thing long enough to give it the attention it actually needs.

I think the main thing for me is, like Wesley_Clark I’m sick of having to look for a new job every 1 to 4 years. I hate that after 25 years I can’t just settle into a job or change careers out of some variation of “project managing bespoke IT projects”. It colors every other aspect of my life. And it’s made 1000x worse now that all office work consists of staring at a fucking screen all day on Zoom or sending Slack messages and emails back and forth. I’ve worked remotely long before Covid, but I always had the opportunity to go onsite and meet coworkers and clients face to face or have lunch with them. But all this remote shit makes it too easy to treat people like semi-autonomous drones and “CYA” by saying “I told them to do this yesterday” when “this” is a 3 week task that never had any chance of getting done.