FEMA Screwups - Again

Apparently, FEMA thought they’d delivered $85 million in aid to Katrina victims this year, but turns out they were wrong - it was more like $8.5 million. But here is where it is truly surreal. Over 7% of what FEMA thought they delivered in aid was in sporks.


Because what every recovering city needs three years after a hurricane is plastic cutlery.

And they’re paying a million dollars a year to store this stuff. Why is this still in the hands of FEMA? This sounds like they’re still completly irresponsible.

If life has taught me one thing, and it hasn’t, it’s that you can never have enough sporks.

Alright chillins, gather 'round Gramps, I’m gonna tell you a story; once upon a time FEMA had this director named James Lee Witt, and lemme tell you, he was COMPETENT! And he turned that agency around lickety split! Then, that idiot Bush came along and appointed that Heckuva Job Brownie fella and FEMA went right back to being a cesspool of incompetent hacks…Don’t laugh…it’s as true as I’m sittin here…

$36,000 is 7% of $18.5 million?? I think the OP should put in an application at FEMA.

And if you’re going off of what they actually thought, then it is actually much worse. They thought they were delivering $36 million worth of sporks in an aid package of $85 million. That’s over 40%!!! Over 40% of their anticipated aid package was SPORKS!!

They needed all those sporks to cut through all that ice.

Over 7% of what FEMA THOUGHT they delivered in aid was sporks. ($6.3 million of $85 million)

“For example, each spork was assigned the value of an entire case, inflating the original estimated value of the supplies a thousandfold to $36 million from $36,000. Packs of toilet paper originally estimated to be worth $1.5 million dropped to about $18,000, and plastic cutlery kits, from $6.3 million to about $25,000.”

When I read that paragraph the first time it looked like there were three items… sporks, toilet paper, and plastic cutlery. Guess not. So where do I apply for FEMA?

Man, these FEMA managers are brainless fools! Not an ounce of common sense…and (apparently) the systrem is set up to punish people who exhibit common sense.
Sorta like the gov. lab I once worked for-they produced nothing but papaer…specifications revised several times, with no mportant changes…yep-what a stupid agency!

You don’t. Their agents are constantly on the lookout for the least talented and most incompetent people they can find, and then they are recruited in a combination secret initiation/frontal lobotomy ceremony, sort of like the first reel of Men In Black as interpreted by The Three Stooges.


I only have one spork, thank you.

It, however, is titanium.

It was actually worth 8.5 million, not 18.5 million.

If they’d issued sporks to every able-bodied citizens early on, they could have patched the levees.

Which reminds me… when I hear about survival packs that people should have in case of emergencies, they never seem to mention sporks. How odd, since getting sporks to survivors seems to be one of the government’s highest priorities.

People do not realize that FEMA’s main job is migrating the effects of a nuclear strike, Continuity of government and all that.

Sporks they cannot handle, but not to worry, a major series of nuclear strikes they can deal with.

Spork Pork

That was their mission back during the Cold War, but post-1990 they’ve been transformed into an agency which is supposed to provide general relief to disasters natural or otherwise, like, apparently, a sudden unavailability of plastic sporkware, which we must all agree would be a catastrophe of unimagineable proportions.


The sporks are to defend New Orleans from invasion, and can double as a head scratcher when they hand them out.

Nope, the present administration takes continuity of government very seriously. Lots of relocation of agencies into West (by God!) Virginia and so on.

At this point it would only be news if FEMA did something right.