My mother used to urge me to date my best friend, who eventually ended up realising he was totally gay, but he took me out to dinner one night and told me he would “be straight” if only I would date him (WOW, that’s quite flattering! :o ) However, though he was drop-dead gorgeous and I loved him very much, I wasn’t in love with him, and I also knew, deep down, he was gay (this was confirmed very shortly after). Dating me would never change that and only cause frustration, hurt, denial, and finger-pointing. I turned him down, and we remained best friends.
My mother didn’t know he was gay, and when she found out through the grapevine that he had asked me out, she couldn’t understand why I said no. We were out for a walk together one day and I told her he was gay. She said he must be* bi*, since he asked me out. I shrugged and said sure, why not? It doesn’t matter to me, after all. My mother is silent for a while. Finally, she says, “Oh well, you wouldn’t want to go out with a bisexual man! If he cheated on you, it could be with anyone!”
This made me laugh so hard I had to stop walking. As if cheating on me with a woman would be fine.
It always makes me a bit oogy when someone’s infidelity is justified by their bisexuality. The sort of “unbeknownst to his wife his bisexuality lead him to have multiple affairs with both men and women” crap.
Adultery (as opposed to open relationships and polyamory, which while not my thing, are obviously not the same), is a choice. It’s not any more irresistable just because you like both sexes. You still have to make a decision that your relationship with your SO is worth sacrificing for some nookie, that betraying their trust is a fair trade for sex with someone else.
I like girls, I like guys, but while my husband is alive he’s the only one I’m going to be intimate with. That’s what the marriage vows meant.
If you’re a bisexual person who feels that unless you’re having a sexual relationship with both men and women you’re not complete, you shouldn’t be in a monogamous relationship-work out a solution that works for you and your partners. Cheating on your SO because you “have to” isn’t it.
But this thread isn’t like all your old, stodgy ideas of what a thread should be. It’s about radio shows and opinions. It’s not turned off by the idea of two IMHO threads quoting and explicating each other until they’re both tangled up and sweaty… and while the idea of two Café Society threads together makes it feel a little weird, I think we’re all open-minded enough to realize that saying it should be just one or the other is sort of sexual fascism.
What?
Ohhhhh, lesbians. My bad. Yeah, I guess they’re cool. I’ve heard a few tales of heartbreak when a lesbian turns out to be a One-Year-Queer (is this the same as LUG?) and I know one who just got married in Texas. I think that sexual orientation “fads” aren’t ever really going to catch on, 'cause I doubt very many people can just change their mind about it.
