Happened to me once at a party. An attractive girl from work had invited me to this Hallowe’en party, and I thought, “Score!” thinking I’d finally be getting somewhere with her. This other girl named Chantal was wearing a sash for a top, artfully looped about her like a bandolier, and she was hitting on me all evening. I had eyes for the girl from work, though (well, when I wasn’t distracted by the freakyshit woman dressed as a modern-day Kali with a saran-wrap top, a bandolier adorned with test tubes filled with–she claimed–shrunken testicles, and a pair of garden shears; it didn’t help that the woman was otherwise pretty frumpy).
At some point Chantal told me she was engaged to get married. Uh huh, I thought, uh, not hitting on you anyway. Then she told me she was pregnant. Yeah, see, STILL not hitting on you. Then she told me that her fiance had told her it was okay if she had one more fling, and she started rubbing my shoulders and asking me if I wanted to go for a walk.
I don’t think she understood the point of the “I have a boyfriend” line.
(Later the girl from work went on a walk with another partygoer, who chivalrously offered to take her to his hotel room so she could see what an immense penis he had. She told me this later on the phone, then sighed, “Dammit, it’s a shame all the good guys at that party were gay!” Not my finest moment all told).
One of the reasons why some women do this is that they’ve met men like my former coworker, Rich. Rich, Meg, Liz and I started working the same day. The third day we worked together Meg casually mentioned her boyfriend, which Liz and I thought was no big deal. Rich, on the other hand, lost it. He yelled at her for “leading him on” by withholding the fact that she had a boyfriend - for three whole days. Liz and I were baffled because Meg hadn’t even flirted with him that we’d noticed.
Meg immediately mentioned her boyfriend to new coworkers after that.
I’m glad that women mention their boyfriends or spouses fairly soon. It ends any uncertainty when I meet a woman I find attractive, and I don’t have to worry about my chances any more. I can just relax, forget about the mating game, and be my usual self.
Perhaps you’d have better chances with women you don’t find attractive. Life’s kinda nasty that way sometimes.
BTW, it’s not a “name drop.” That implies an actual name is used, typically to impress the listener. “My boyfriend, Orlando Bloom…” would be a name drop.
The OP implies that women who aren’t interested will mention a fake boyfriend/husband just to get someone to back off. Is this common?
I actually had an idiot coworker once who asked me if my wedding ring was real or something I wore to “scare men off”. I guess I’ve never been Hottie McSmokingHot enough to wear a fake wedding ring so that I wouldn’t have to beat the men off with a stick–at work, nonetheless! I might have made an exception for him, though. Something about that question really creeped me out.
I’ve done it. (I haven’t had to do it for 15 years, because…my husband…) Not within ten seconds because then I don’t know if I need to get someone to back off…but if someone isn’t taking the “not interested” signals, I have.
When I was 20 or so I had more than one of those truly clueless guys ask me out and not take no for an answer. These guys will ask you out and when you say “no” they ask if you have a boyfriend. If you say “no” then they want to know why you won’t go out with them. Any answer you give leads to an insult or an argument (telling you you are shallow, telling you you only date jerks and they are a nice guy), so the politest way to just disengage is to say “yes” to the boyfriend question - they understand that - and it avoids a lot of potential conflict. (Although in one case, when I WAS engaged, the follow up was ‘well, is it serious’ and ‘will you sleep with me anyway.’ Some clueless jerks are simply too persistent to sidestep).
Now, with less concern for keeping jerks from getting hurt, I probably wouldn’t, I’d just be a bitch if they pressed.
When I was 20…like Dangerosa…and had less confidence, I did say I had a boyfriend even if I didn’t. Brought up too shy and too respectful to say the truth; I’m just not interested in you.
These days I am a lot more confident, and probably would say, with a smile, “You’re very nice, but I’m just not interested, thanks.” If they push at that point, well, there’s only so far my niceness goes before I start waxing sarcastic.
On the opposite side of that, there have been a few friends I have made because they pushed just a little too hard, caused me to get sarcastic, and then suddenly they respected me instead of just thinking of me as an easy lay or something. It’s like, “Hey, she talks back! I like that!” Guys is weird but oh how do I like them.
I had a guy who hit on me while I was with my husband (then boyfriend). I told him I was with someone, and he persisted with the full court press when my husband went to the bathroom!
Yeah this happens to me. Women generally tell me they have a boyfriend/girlfriend/husband with 30 seconds of meeting. I’ve timed it.
I told a friend about this, and she didn’t believe me. We were setting up stuff for a wedding or something, and someone new walked in. I hit the timer on my watch when she came up to us, and stopped it when she got the boyfriend. 29 seconds. I showed it to my friend, and she shook her head and gave me a hug. She had a boyfriend too.
Edit: One time, I found out later she was lying about having a boyfriend.
Aw, shucks, hotflungwok. Probably you prompt the thought “Too bad I already have a boyfriend!” to run through every woman’s head. Just all they actually say is “boyfriend.”
I almost didn’t pursue the woman who is now my wife because of this.
I was invited to a get-together by some friends, and mentioned that it would be nice if “Eve” (not her real name) was going to be there too. (I had met Eve briefly a year before.) The hosts got the hint and promptly invited Eve.
When Eve arrived, we started to chat, and she quickly started mentioning all of the fun things she and “Joe” (not his real name) had done recently. I got the hint, got a bit bummed, but continued with the pleasant conversation throughout the evening.
The host noticed how nice things were apparently going, and wondered if I was going to ask Eve out. I said no, she’s seeing someone named Joe. The host laughed and said “No, Joe is Eve’s brother-in-law. Eve spends a lot of time with her sister and husband.” D’Oh!
Yes! I’m not sure why I’ve had to do this as many times as I have, but it happens.
I’ll admit, I throw the boyfriend/spouse thing out there, and have done so many times when I was single. It’s my (not so?) polite way of letting people know I’m taken. I don’t, however, just throw it out there arbitrarily.
*- Excuse me, miss, I see you’re wearing a watch. Can you please tell me the time?
I’m married!*
That’s ridiculous. As good looking and wonderful as I am in my own mind, I don’t assume every male who speaks to me is trying to hit on me. When it becomes clear that he is, I find a way to work in the (sometimes fake) boyfriend angle.
Now that I’m married, I don’t have to drop the significant other line too often. The main three upsides of being married are having 1) an unpaid chef, 2) an unpaid bodyguard, and 3) an immediate “don’t even go there” sign placed on the middle of my left hand.
I get that from the other side too - men occasionally dropping their GF into the conversation in a really obvious way, just because a woman is gasp talking to them. Responding with a similar comment about my GF is quite amusing.
Ok, listen. We have flirting and body language and other things for a reason. So that you don’t have to go out and reject people, you can just communicate like a normal animal.
And if you want to reject people, don’t do it with a smile and don’t say thanks. That just rubs it in. It goes against the grain of natural communication in exactly the way that rubs it in.
You can’t even imagine how many guys (and girls, I’m sure but I don’t get hit on much by them) cannot or will not read body language. There have been threads full of heated discussion about this and scammers who “teach” men how to break through the “bitch shield” to get a date. Some people think body language doesn’t apply to them.
