Female Dopers: What's it like to be ogled?

In My Humble Opinion
41

Nippleman - you say a low cut blouse is not an invitation to check out cleavage - but then what is it? Why does a person dress in a manner that is, for lack of a better word, sexy? I don’t suspect for a moment that they are actively trolling for sex, but why does a person who puts effort into their appearance do it? Clearly, not everyone just rolls out of bed, cares for hygiene necessities, and puts on clean, comfortable clothes. Some women can just toss on jeans and a t-shirt, and have appearances such that with minimal make-up and hair care, they will be ogled. I suggest that is a rather small minority, however. I submit that many if not most people fashion their dress in some respect because of how it will appear to others. I must admit that when I dress (other than to workout or work around the house) I try to look good, though I will not make myself uncomfortable or spend tons of time and $ to do so. As a heterosexual male, one element of looking good is I’d just as soon look attractive to members of the opposite sex. And I wouldn’t mind guys at least not thinking I look like a troll - maybe think I’m in good shape or something.

So why would a woman wear a really short skirt, high heels, and a low cut blouse if she wasn’t trying to attract attention? It can’t be for comfort. And if you say it has to do with their self image, and that the only person they want to appear attractive to is themselves, well, why does it appeal to themselves to dress in a manner that is generally interpreted as “sexy”?

42

I can’t answer that…I see it the same way you do…to a point I think.

When a woman puts on a blouse that shows some clevage, I’m almost positive, she see that her clevage is exposed for all to look at.

I think, when a admirering glance turns into a leer, thats the problem.

I have no idea…

43

Maybe, and I know this may shatter some egos, but MAYBE she isn’t trying to look good for you, the stranger. Maybe she is attempting to look good for a specific person.

Or maybe she is trying to be fashionable. I like clothes. I like to look put together and polished. It’s not a “look at me!” thing, it’s that I don’t like to appear unkempt. And while I don’t wear anything that shows T&A, the fact is that most good clothes are cut to flatter the body, not hide it. And why the hell should they? For fear that some passing pig will think that because he’s a pig and can’t see me as a human, but as another fuck, and will let me know this particularly charming aspect of his personality? I’m 20, I am in decent shape, and I am wear what I am comfortable in. If some ass sees that as invitation to stare at me like I’m in a peepshow, and rationalizes that with “Well, if she didn’t want me to look, she would have worn jeans and a tee shirt,” then it’s pretty clear that he has a decided problem.

Now, as Jimmy pointed out, when women are advertising themselves (aka: hookers) it’s pretty easy to tell. It’s also pretty easy to tell the 15 year olds who have just developed a body and are eager to show it off. And it’s pretty easy to tell when a woman likes to pour herself into clothing 4 sizes too small for effect. But as I am not any of those things, it’s hard for me to give any insight.

But the fact of the matter is that staring is rude. Every three year old knows it. And we’re not talking about apprechiative glances, hell, how are you supposed to meet anyone without them? But staring is rude, and primaly creepy.

44

A couple of defs from MW Collegiate 10th

ogle - to eye amorously or provocatively, to look at esp. with greedy or interested attention.
stare - (vi) to look fixedly with wide open eyes, (vt) to habve an effect on by staring, to look at with a searching or earnest gaze
leer - (n) a lascivious, knowing, or wanton look

So my position is probably ogle, stare, and leer pretty much all bad in most situations. OTOH, probably nothing necessarily wrong with “checking someone out.” Sorry, but if I see something attractive, whether it be architecture, art, or a person, I’m going to take a look at it. Of course, I also desire not to be rude to other people.

I don’t believe I’ve ever whistled at or made comments towards someone I didn’t know on the street. I think most comments I hear are inappropriate, and don’t know why guys do it if not to intimidate women in some way. (Of course, I used to be amazed at how effective some of my friends would be at getting laid using incredibly obvious lines that I figured would insult any woman.) But I’m not sure I would be offended with a whistle.

And if I am “caught” checking someone out, I don’t look away immediately and guiltily. I smile, acknowledge the other human being, and then adjust my focus. See, it bugs me when I’m walking down the street, especially in the smallish town where I live where there aren’t too many pedestrians, and you will pass someone and they don’t even make eye contact with you. That does not strike me as desireable social behavior. So if I am walking downtown and my eyes meet someone else’s, whether they be a pretty woman or not, I generally smile, nod my head or express a short greeting to acknowledge the presence of another sentient being, and continue on my way. And my experience as a not particularly attractive guy who is certainly past his youth is, when I smile at a pretty woman whether young or, ahem, mature, they generally smile back. And then we go on through the rest of our respective days. I imagine neither of us is the worse off for having smiled unnecessarily.

SimmingRiddles, may I speak for all of the male dopers when I suggest the only resasonable course of action is for you to post numerous photos of you in various outfits, and we’ll give you our mature and objective opinions. (Holiday photos? Bathing costumes? Could be! Click click, wink wink, nudge nudge. Say no more!)

45

If there is one thing that strikes a nerve with me, it’s being ogled.

I’ve been catcalled, ogled, harrased, you name it since I hit puberty at 12. Almost every day, in lots of cities, in lots of different outfits. I’m sick of it. I hate it. I wish there was more incentives (oh I dunno, public beatings sound good) to make men be more respectful.

Yes, I have had some very well-mannered gentlemen walk by me on the street and say something politely like, “That color looks wonderful on you!” or some such thing. And when that happens, I take that as a compliment and smile and say thank you. It’s all in the delivery, you see.

What happens more often to me (in everything from businesswear to casual jeans/T-shirt) is the very mean spirited catcalls. I want to spin around and ask these men if they have mothers or sisters or wives, and what they would say if those women were harrassed. But I never do, cause I’m choking on my fury. Seriously. One punk comment might ruin my day til about 1 pm or so when I finally forget it.

As for that psssst thing, one time some dude was doing that to me while I was looking at a wall of shoes. He was like 3 feet away and whispering so only I could hear, Hey baby, Hey Mami. I spun around and loudly asked, “Is there something you need to say to me?” He wouldn’t even meet my eyes, “No,” he whimpered. “That’s what I f-ing thought.” I stood my ground and he slunk away. Punk.

46

Hmmmm. I rather liked your picture on SDMBPPs.

Of course, I have since found out that you are a bit on the young side for me. Drat those pesky laws!

Nonetheless, in my opinion, you look nothing like a “leper’s bowel movement.” Not that I have ever seen such. It was a rather creative metaphor, I’ll give you that . . . shudders

47

What is THAT all about? Rude Beach behavior, it just blows my mind. I am sitting on Capitola beach, and I’m outing these bitches before they even get past my husband. “Don’t you DARE look at this one in the Neon thong!” OR “Now, this one in the gingham thong, go ahead. Nice pair, good butt, etc.” I just don’t want the Neon chick to gain any satisfaction from my husbands gaze. I don’t do the jealousy thing,I don’t need to.

Call me a Traitor to my sex, but a woman that lets it all hang out and then stares around with a “What The hell are you looking at??” expression is a COOZE! There is nothing wrong with looking good and feeling sexy and being confident, but be Confident, not rude!

Now, to answer the OP…

I agree, it can be flattering. I’m a tall, thick Norske blonde, and a favorite of Black guys. As long as I’m not creeped out with great lines like “I don’t wanna harm ya, I just wanna charm ya” it’s okay. And if they get the message that I’m not interested and go away gracefully, it’s all good. I’m boosted, they are not insulted.

However, I have had some white guys be just plain vulgar. To quote one such gem: “Betcha never gave a truck driver head before.” Ew.
Oh, and did I say EW?

48

Huh. What’s a “COOZE”??

[Man, I am so out of touch.]

49

Some of both, really. The kid thing isn’t foolproof, however. The other day I was getting the kids out of the car when a “gentleman” parked next to me. When he got out of his car I smiled and said hi, trying to be polite. He looked at my face for a split second then proceeded to stare at my chest. Nice, huh?

50

I kinda like when guys look at me. It reassures my ability to attract what I want. Occasionally I’ll smile back, but it’s a rarity for me to go talk to them. I am one of the people who looks at guys most of the time when I’m out places, but I almost never get caught in a gaze. For some reason, people don’t expect it of me, and don’t notice. Now, if someone’s staring at my breasts for an inordinate amount of time [my biology teacher did this when i was a freshman], I’ll be more likely to say something about it.

51

Hey Estrella… next time that happens and you feel like speaking out, try calmly saying, “Your mother would be so ashamed of you behaving this way.” or “How would you like it if some pervert did that to your mother/sister/daughter?”

52

No, you’re not out of touch, I’m just obscure! It’s a word I picked up from Stephen King, it was used more in the 50-60’s I think. It’s a derogatory, to be sure, and I think it might sometimes be used as slang for girl parts. I think. But I like it, it sounds dirty.

53

Cooze is a pretty badd word. In my travels, I’ve heard it used commonly in Louisiana. Is it more of a southern term? I don’t know. It’s pretty much analagous to cunt though. At least from my interpretation of how it was used.

54

To get back to the original post, I love positive attention. I don’t mind being ogled.

Go ahead. Ogle me.

55

I recently returned home after 6 weeks in Europe. Although ogling and catcalling is much more prevalent there, I still don’t like it. In France, several of my girlfriends and I were walking to a store from school, and passed a bus stop where a guy was sitting by himself. As we passed in our American shorts and t-shirts, he murmured a gravelly - but audible - “Oohhhhh, yeah.” And I had to be held back from turning aboutface and letting him have a piece of my mind. We were told that it’s a part of the culture before we got there, but I personally feel that being given the ol’ up-and-down with some sort of either vocal or visual obviousness is really offensive. I don’t mind being admired, complimented, or even turning heads (not that that last one happens often…), but dammit, at least have the courtesy to not feel the need to vocalize your opinion.

There. Was that enough of a rambling paradox?

56

I have always wondered how men would feel if their “bulges” were really! out in the open for the women to see-how they would feel being compared to “the big ones”, the “sausages” or whatever words society would make up for what size they are. They can be as piggish as they while their package is safely hidden away! How fair is that? Women wear their breasts on their chests for all to see so are subjected to continual comparisons.