I agree with that.
If Joe Bloggs Mr Ordinary says anything remotely complimentary to a pretty woman, she’ll more than likely think “Who does he think he is? Cheeky sod”, give him a dirty look and then moan about it to her mates.
If David Beckam’s more erudite brother said exactly the same thing to the same woman, she’d smile at him, maybe have a chat with him and more than likely be delighted. And tell all her mates with much delight.
“Like ohmygod, Stacy, don’t look! That old guy is totally gazing at you.”
“Ewww! As if!”
I’m sure you wouldn’t mean to be creepy, Soul Brother. Anyone who compliments a stranger runs the risk of being misunderstood.
Herb Caen, a columnist in San Francisco, put it simply once, in a column where he was describing his day walking around the city:
“I smiled at a pretty girl, and she smiled back. That feels better than laughing out loud.”
Well, I wouldn’t think this was creepy but I am kind of used to it by now. Not that I am so hot I melt the seats on the subway or anything, but I have fantastic hair. I am a redhead and my hair isn’t just any shade of red, either, it is this gorgeous auburn color that I think maybe 50 people in all the world have naturally. On top of that it is long and wavy and has just enough body to be awesome…I should totally be in shampoo commercials. I think it is my best feature and I have at least 1 person a week compliment me on my hair. It doesn’t come across as creepy unless you violate my personal space bubble, then I assume you are trying to pickpocket me.
I appreciate “Do fries go with that shake?”
When I was younger I hated being whistled at; I thought I was being treated as an object and it pissed me off. I didn’t see it as a compliment.
Now I wonder why I was so annoyed. I receive a few compliments and it always makes me feel happy and so when it occurs to me to do the same, I always do. To the lady in the restroom washing her hands next to me at the book fair Saturday I exclaimed, “That’s such a lovely jacket! It looks wonderful on you!” To the author I’ve admired for years and unexpectedly met and got to chat for a while, “When I got up this morning I had no idea I’d be lucky enough to meet you today! I’ve admired you for years!”
Maybe I’m naive, maybe I just look for the best in people, but whenever I’m complimented I always take it totally at face value. From another woman Saturday, “your hair is so cute!” Me: “Isn’t that ironic; I thought today was a ‘bad hair day’! Thank you.”
I guess I’m old enough that if a man 20 years older than I were to tell me I’m beautiful I’d be astonished, disbelieving, and then thrilled. Complimenting someone is free and a kindly thing to do. Accept it in the spirit it was given, say thank you. Someone is trying to be nice.
YMMV
It’s the preferred method in Boston as well.
Okay, here’s the thing… I am a damned good-looking woman, if I do say so myself. I receive confirmation of this every day. I get smiled at, I get beeped at, I get blushed and stammered at, I get free stuff. It’s good to be me. This is the experience of MOST good-looking women. Feel free to express your approval of their appearance, but don’t think you’re imparting new information.
A smile and a “beautiful” or “gorgeous” as you walk by will mostly get a smile from me, as long as there’s no leering. “I just want to gaze upon your beauty for a moment” is creepy.
Don’t be creepy guy.
I usually just whip it out. That way I avoid being creepy.
Don’t say anything.
And don’t stare too long.
They could speak to you and spoil it completely. Especially if in a snarling voice they ask; “What you lookin’ at?”
learn the “guy” thing of taking in every bit of her beauty without even a single direct glance, that way wifes don’t know you’re looking. Because we just never look, ever.
This morning as I came out of the coffee shop, some delivery man pushing a loaded handtruck said laughingly “Got some coffee for me?” and he got a smile. It’s that simple. Say good morning, or offer a smile. They’ll know what you were intending.
OTOH, lecherous “God Bless You”, “Dayum”, and the like get ignored, and piss me off.
Sure, go ahead. Just as long as you’re not planning to do the ‘Stuck up bitches!’ bit when they don’t give you more than a surprised look. (And if they don’t look happy, it’s likely because they’ve gotten a lot of the ‘Stuck up bitches!’ response from spurned would-be suitors).
Honestly, I am not one for strange compliments. Walking while Female is not a crime and just because someone’s forgotten her burqa doesn’t mean she’s invited everyone and his brother to touch her body, comment on her looks or take up her time. Still, I’ve smiled at a simple ‘Miss, you’re beautiful!’ before, but only when I knew the guy had absolutely no intention of following it up with a leer, animal sound or fondle.
Perhaps it’s because I’m not constantly told I’m beautiful, at least from those besides my husband, that I’d be happy if someone said something nice to me. The other day, I smiled at a random stranger passing by on the street and he said, “Now that’s a gorgeous smile!” I was thrilled and I wandered around with that same gorgeous smile for quite awhile after that.
ETA: But I guess the key was that he said it and kept walking. If he’d stopped to talk or waited for a response, I would have been very uncomfortable.
Are you really all that comfortable with someone - regardless of age - basically getting low-level sexual gratification from looking at you out in public? Seriously, it’s probably my mother’s radical feminism speaking through me, but doesn’t it make you feel objectified and just…oogey?
I’d be creeped out, because any beauty I have was just random luck of the genetic-draw. I didn’t do anything for it, so why are you complimenting me on it?
If I see someone who has a nice handbag/jacket/shade of lipstick/whatever, I’ll compliment them on that because it’s something that they chose to use/wear and is a compliment on their taste and style instead of something that they had no choice in inheriting.
You know, speaking only for myself, yeah, I’m okay with that. I do it too. Is there anyone here who can honestly claim that they’ve *never *gotten low-level sexual gratification from looking at a stranger? We objectify other people all the time. It’s normal human behavior.
The OP said it’s not about sexual or sensual gratification. Its about noticing beauty.
There’s all kinds of beauty. 20 minutes ago I saw a 4 year old hopping next to the stroller and it made me smile, I thought “I wish I was four again”, because for those few moments as she’s happy and hopping next to mom, she’s content and without a care. And that’s beautiful too.
Did you hold the door for him to push his loaded hand truck through as you smiled at him? You may be “achingly beautiful”, [I don’t really know](Pics or it didn’t happen.). I do know that if I said that to you it’d be a crafty social gambit to get you to hold the door for me so i wouldn’t have to manage the cart through the entrance single handed.
I’ll probably get spanked for this, but…
Soul Brother Number Two, if you really are looking for a way to tell a woman you think she’s beautiful without skeeving her out, there’s a simple way.
Convince her by your body language and manner of speaking that you’re gay.
I’ve seen gay guys get away with saying and doing things that would earn a straight guy a clout in the teeth.
“Oh my GOD honey, you are so gorgeous! That blouse is so you - is it silk? Give us a feel!” grope grope
nope, just passing each other on the street, but if he had needed me to, (even without him saying anything), I would have helped him with the door.
[Is that a double dog dare?](http://you can search for me on facebook using my email addy)
For all the women who have responded so far, I’m curious – how much of a factor is age? Is it less/more creepy for a guy twice your age to do this as opposed to a guy close to you in age, even if the motivating factor (just wanting to innocently pass on a compliment) is the same in either case?