Since I’ve been away from Oxford for a month, I haven’t seen too much postmodern jargon lately. I was really starting to miss it. Thanks, Hastur, for your timely intervention.
Anyway, Skarecrow, looks like you need to re-think your relationship. I mean, can’t you share the cooking–you know, cook on alternate nights or something? Sounds to me like there’s nothing wrong here that a bit of conversation couldn’t cure. For that matter, I’m not sure this is about feminism at all. Rachael probably just pointed out to your wife that she always had to do the cooking, and this might not be fair. Talk it out, don’t start assigning blame.
(OK, so I’ve been watching “Dr. Phil” on Oprah again. So sue me. “But what’s the payoff?”, etc…)
The question is, does he want you on the case. I know I wouldn’t want you talking to Rasa at any point. Damn Lezbos. You and your hot lezbo action. Curse you.
And the subhumans are quite good.
I do cook. I have no problem cooking. I clean too. I may be way off base here but I’ve noticed that when women complain about the way things are they are feminists, when men complain they are perpetuating postmodernist ideals. I’m sorry my father was a dick. I am sorry that my grandfather was an asshole. I am sorry my great great great grandfather had slaves, I am sorry that my pastors great great great great great uncle killed a druid and turned catholisism into a patriarch thus changing the world as we know it. Can we get past the whole race/gender thing now?
I wouldn’t mind so much if they’d just let me watch, but consarnit, apparently I’ve got this really creepy stare that ruins the ladies’ concentration, so they banned me from the viewing room. And they changed the name of the group to “No SPOOFE’s”.
“But what about SPOOFE Zimbadelli?!?”
“The sign says 'No SPOOFE**'s**… we’re allowed to have one!”
Sit down with your girlfriend and negotiate. Make a list of what you do all day and how much time it takes up. Make a list of what she does all day and how much time it takes up. Decide what the best split of the cooking and all the other housework should be. Come up with a mutually acceptable schedule of when each of you should cook and when you’re going to eat out. You should be asking her about this, not us. We don’t possibly have all the information about your situation, but you two do.
It seems to me that a boyfriend/girlfriend couple could have problems in splitting up housework that a husband/wife couple might find it easier to negotiate. If a husband works considerably longer hours than a wife, but the wife does much more housework than he does, there’s a sort of reasonable argument for equality there. The husband could say, “Yes, you do more of the housework, but I work long hours, and the money I earn belongs to us jointly.” That doesn’t quite work with a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. The boyfriend could claim that it’s O.K. for him to do less housework since he works longer hours, but the girlfriend could then reply, “If you walk out on me at some point, you will have gained all the benefit of the time I spent on doing the housework, but I will have no legal claim on the money you earned at your job.”
But this wasn’t self-analysis; it was Rachael’s analysis of the girlfriend. When you do it yourself, it’s self-examination; when someone else does it, it’s offensive, e.g.: “You only think you disagree with me. Really, you’re just unable to see reason because of circumcision trauma.”
**
Ask her if she minds cooking. This is fairly simple. The fact that she stopped is a sign she has a problem. Talk to her! And if you use your long work ours to get out of ever swapping a load of laundry or sweeping a rug, then she has a point.
I disagree with Wendall that it should be a long drawn out mathematical negotiation. But there shoudl be some talk of what appears even. Also realize that people get bored of doing the same thing day after day. You might want to pick up some sort of thing where you cook on the weekends if she’ll have something hot ready when you get home on the weeknights.
This is sort of how it works in my family, my mom works pretty late, so she can’t cook after she gets home unless we’re not expecting to eat until 9. So she does dishes /cooks on the weekend/other stuff.
Break up the monotony and let her know how much you value and love her.
And here I thought I was being pithy and enlightening. I always have gotten pithy and snide confused. Must come from growing up in Los Angeles.
I know I’m going to regret this but…
Or, my speaker in the above quote has been changed from his or her ‘normal’ worldview to one in which Ruby Tuesday’s fajita are a wonderful thing.
Though I admit that, given this definition:
I can see that you’re word applies as well.
That doesn’t make this quote:
any less rude.
I realize that this is the BBQ pit. But I don’t think I’ve been rude or insulting. I tried to introduce a reductio ad absurdum argument into the debate (it’s been a LONG time since freshman logic class someone help me if I got that wrong). Given that my post was meant in good will I had expected it to be taken that way.
My point, again:
Yes, we all are a part of the culture in which we grew up. The attitudes we learn from our parents, our friends, and our experiences and deeply ingrained. However, we are intelligent beings with the ability to analyze and reason. Therefore, stating that a person does NOT know whether the decisions are their own or their cultures belittles the power of any human to overcome his or her disadvantages.
Having spent an hour on this post I hope it can be taken well. If not, I hope the attempt at humor in the original post at least amused SOME people.
Anyone care to tell me how I’m not about to regret this post?
When a man says to a woman, “There, there. You don’t have the capacity to think for yourself - you might believe you know what you want, but I really know what’s best for you,” that’s intolerable sexism! But when a woman says the same thing to a woman, that’s feminism! :rolleyes:
Maybe if you asked your girlfriend about how her friend(Racheal) is at relationships. She could tell you all about the friend’s(Racheal’s) failed relationships and maybe she will realize that the friend(Racheal)is not the person to take relationship advice form.
If you’re not forcing her to do it, then I don’t see why it’s a problem. If she’s living with you and not working at all, then I don’t think it’s too much to ask for. I’m sure if the situation was reversed you’d be making dinner for her when she got home. But of course if a woman expects the man to cook, then that’s ok.
I agree that you need to talk about it with your girlfriend. Just remember to make it clear that it’s not expected, just appreciated.
> I disagree with Wendall that it should be a long drawn
> out mathematical negotiation.
Hey, I’m a mathematician. Doing negotiations mathematically is the natural thing for me to suggest. But I see your point. This negotiation can be as informal or as formal as you’d like, Skarecrow, but do sit down with her and talk about it.
Whatever you do, don’t attempt a logical negotiation. Your nameless nemesis (Rachael) will see right through that. “Logic” and “Reason” are clearly masculine attempts to promote the patriarchy using male-defined techniques that seek to define the dominate world-view in a manner consistant with the last 4,000 years of enslavement of the peace-loving, gaia-worshipping, nature-loving embodiment of the goddess. You must adapt a different mind-set, in which feelings and emotions that you, as a man, can never hope to understand, are paramount. There are other worldviews that you, as a member of the equal-yet-inferiour gender, have spent your entire life belittleing, and it is time you paid attention to them, without tainting them with your war-centric views, which include words like “fairness”, and “compromise”. In fact, if you would just don a hairshirt and flagulate yourself for all of the sins that you and all of your genetic ancestors have ever committed, well, that would speed things up.
Get used to it you first-world country, warmongering, male cretin, you are, as is proved by your regretable birth defect ( that polluting, killing, deadly Y-chromesome), wrong. Now and forever, no matter what, inarguably.
bashere
P.S. it is spelled conscience. HTH.
P.P.S. Don’t try to seduce Racheal. This never works.
Gee, I dunno. Could be lots of things.
Call me simple-minded (won’t be the first time) but most people–which includes women–just aren’t brainwashed and abducted that easily. Hate to be a wet blanket on all sides but feminists are just as prone to disagreement, inanity and godawful meetings as any other group.
No-frills thinker here, but no matter how interfering Rachel might be, she couldn’t make a dent if a problem didn’t already exist. Happy people work from principles they’re already living. My guess is the tasks aren’t the issue; it’s how those tasks are respected.
There’s real joy in “doing for” someone you love, male or female. Cosseting a loved one can be incredibly rewarding. But taking that for granted, lack of respect, is death to the compact. Your GF provided warmth and food on a regular basis–but you could do it just as well if not better, to chef’s standards. Pretty much tosses all her sustained effort right out the window.
You two need to talk about what you’re both doing and why.
One thing you might want to consider is that people occasionally do things out of a sense of obligation, be it real or perceived. They might not like it, but the feel as if they must. This might be what your gf thought, and why she’s no longer willing to cook.
