I’m filing for divorce on Monday. We’ve been married 5.5 years and have lived apart for over a year. We have no marital assets or children and about 35 grand in checking/savings accounts (well WE did, until he removed it all except for my Christmas club money and left me with basically nothing.) My lawyer is charging a retainer of about 575, with an hourly rate of 195. The retainer will be applied to the first three billable hours. I’m meeting with him Monday morning and am doing some homework over the weekend, such as what I need to live on, insurance needs, etc. The husband threw a grand my way (in twenties) because he “knew I needed some money.” What can I expect as far as when/how he will be served? Should I let him know (although he’s an idiot not to expect it?) How will I afford my lawyer if I get nothing? How long does the process take once he’s served (one month…three?) Do we have to have a court date if he agrees to the terms decided upon by my lawyer and me? I realize these are all questions for my lawyer (many of which I’ve already asked.) I’m just looking for some factual anecdotes from people who’ve been through this before. This will be the husband’s third divorce, my first. He’s 20 year old than I, if it matters.
I had a whole long response typed out before I realized this was in “general questions”. So…factually…you are in Missouri, right? I think I remembered that from another thread. In MO a divorce can be heard on the 31st day after filing (but is not always) and will be heard within 6 months, so anywhere between 1 month and 6 is what you are looking at if he doesn’t contest the divorce or prolong the litigation.
He will be served (probably) within a few days to a few weeks (depending on how he is served and by whom) and will have 30 days after that to file a response, or contest the divorce.
Your lawyer’s fees sound extremely reasonable to me, but I would caution against racking up a bunch of billable hours with trivial matters if you can avoid it. I am bad about calling the lawyers for every little question or concern (that I could have researched on my own and gotten the same answer) and ending up with outrageous bills. So if money is already tight, you don’t want to do that.
On a non-factual note…since this is not the first time your husband has been through this, I would expect one of two reactions: either he will pull out all the stops and make your life miserable for the next few months with legal shenanigans and bickering or he will just quietly go away and let things happen the way they must. I haven’t seen many in-between reactions.
The financial issues are different and really should be discussed with your lawyer about what can be expected or what is reasonable to even ask for, but I can tell you that in short-term marriages (less than 10 years) getting spousal support of any sort is usually an uphill battle. Since you have already been living separately for a year, I would think it is even less likely now. Unless there is a huge discrepancy in income or income potential, I would assume that you’ll each be paying your own way from here on out and plan accordingly.
Anecdotally, what I have seen in similar situations (so YMMV) is that you will each take from the marriage what you brought into it and any marital assets and property will be divided either 50/50 or proportionately depending on several factors. The money will have to be accounted for, do you have records showing what was in the joint accounts at the time of separation and that he removed it? If not, I’d suggest a trip to the bank to sort that out so that you are prepared.
If you two agree to a marital property settlement and the divorce is uncontested, it can be a quick and painless procedure…the judge will make sure that the settlement was not coerced (asking each of you if you agree) and will make sure that it is not terribly unfair to either of you and that it is within the state’s laws, and that will be that. It could mean just one trip to a courtroom and then you are done. But if there are any disputes, it can be dragged out and might mean several court dates, mediation dates, etc. It really depends on how each of you proceeds from here.
You may want to read this sticky —> Don’t ask for medical/legal advice here, please.
The things that make divorces tricky are children, pensions and assets, especially if the assets were owned by one party prior to the marriage and have changed in value. Since you have none of those, it should be pretty easy as these things go. If you have relatively equal incomes and no one expects alimony, it’s even easier. Just split the money and go.
This is true, but in your list of things that make divorces tricky, you forgot one: debts. It wasn’t mentioned in the OP but IME fighting over the debts is usually more drawn-out and vicious than fighting over the division of pensions, etc. (which likely won’t come into play in a short-term marriage).
Not really asking for legal advice. Asking for what real people have actually gone through in their respective divorces.
Thanks, MK! There is actually a huge discrepancy in our incomes. As in, I made 11 grand last year and he made about 8 times that! Also, yes…for some reason, I printed out our account statement shortly before he cleaned it out! Also, totally agreed that I should do whatever research/legwork I can do so I don’t get billed for it! Thanks a lot. What you’ve said is right in line with what I’ve been thinking and what I’ve gotten from my lawyer. Thanks!
It appears that you are seeking a portion of the $35k, that was in the joint account. Are you also seeking alimony for some period of time, given the disparity of your incomes, while you were married?
The answer to your question of how quickly and costly your divorce will be, is dependent upon how much you are asking for in the form of financial settlement.
I don’t know MS law, but in most states, if you two agree to the terms of the divorce settlement, you do not personally need to appear before the judge. The judge will need to approve the settlement and sign off to make your divorce official, but your attorney will do that for you.
The OP is in Missouri, not Mississippi.
Here’s my filing-for-divorce journal. Start at the bottom.
This is true in most states, however if there is anything in the divorce decree or settlement agreement that might constitute an agreement for the purposes of the IRS, it is in your best interests to appear and sign personally. I am mostly thinking of things that would not pertain to the OP (but mentioning it in general for the benefit of anyone else reading) like child support agreements in which the non-custodial parent gets to claim the child(ren) for tax purposes… the IRS will only recognize a court order/agreement on that issue if signed by the parents (not if it is only signed by the judge or attorneys) and if it is not then a form 8332 would be required and sometimes hard to obtain (speaking from personal experience).
More relevant to the OP, if any kind of spousal support or maintenance is agreed to, a personal appearance (and signature) can make the difference between it being considered “alimony” or “voluntary” for tax purposes, which can make a big difference (court-ordered alimony is tax deductible to the payer and taxable to the payee). So in that case, wording is important as well as acknowledgment by the parties (and not just their attorneys).
It won’t make or break a divorce case in most circumstances, but in my experience if you can make it, it is best to be there.
You don’t have to sign all together in one place. Both parties just have to sign the documents before the Judge ratifies and signs it. The signatures don’t even have to be done on the same day.
Of course. My husband was not even in the same state when he signed his divorce decree. But if there is a court date already, and both parties are in the same place, it is so much easier to just show up and take care of it than to worry about who signed when and where and fax documents back and forth etc.
With a short marriage and year separation prior to filing it’s going to be tough to make a compelling case you should get any spousal support unless there are extraordinary circumstances you have not mentioned. The income differential is substantial, but if you ask for alimony, the court is going to want to know what you have doing the last year separated to earn a living if you’re only bringing in $ 11,000. annually.
The main item at issue is the 32K in the joint savings account, and if he’s using it for his divorce atty it’s likely to get a lot smaller before the divorce is finalized. You should have emptied that out before you sent him any papers. I would ask your atty point blank what the real world chances are for anything other than a share of the bank acct. If that’s the only item at issue make your deal and move on.
Ask your attorney about Missouri rules for whether the court may require your ex to pay your attorney fees–many states allow it when one party is at a large financial disadvantage, but I don’t know anything about Missouri specifically. This may mean that you don’t have to go in for a completely minimalist approach. But do realize that a lawyer who communicates sparely may be doing you a financial favor. In most lawyers’ billing systems, each call will be a six-minute minimum. Those add up.
I think you are right. There are a few factors Missouri considers in awarding (or not) spousal support. Among them is:
* The spouse seeking maintenance to lack sufficient property to provide for their daily needs.
As well as the length of the marriage. I’ve not heard of spousal support being entertained in marriages less than 10 years unless there are seriously mitigating circumstances. And even then I have only ever heard of it being “rehabilitative” alimony for a very short time (to allow that spouse to get training or otherwise back on their feet).
I would worry that living separately for a year would prove that she could provide for herself, however meagerly.(Brueggemenn v. Bureggemann, 1997 held that “reasonable needs” does not mean the standard within the marriage.)
cites: http://www.therobertslawfirm.net/CM/Custom/Section452.334.asp
http://my-kc-divorce-attorney.com/
I do not want to veer into “legal advice” territory, so I won’t. But given only the details that we have, and in the absence of extenuating circumstances, I would not count on being awarded spousal support if it were me. It is certainly possible, but not even close to being a guarantee.
The missing money form the bank account however, would probably be a safer bet. And given the disparity in their incomes, OP might be entitled to a larger share of the joint bank account and joint property (the court does take economic circumstances into account with regard to division of assets in MO). Again, not as legal advice, but something she might want to consider discussing with her attorney before or during any negotiations for a property settlement.
Part of my employment compensation is a loft worth at least 1300 per month and all utilities paid. If you count that, which my employers and w-2s don’t reflect, I “make” about 27 grand a year. Unfortunately, HE cleaned out the accounts before I had the “chance” to (which I would never do to anyone, anyway…) I have the documentation to prove what was in the accounts before he cleaned them out and my attorney says I’ll likely get half. Very bad move on hubby’s part, I think.