There was a young painter named Paul
To Tahiti he went, paint and all
He painted girls naked
But his skin became (visual rhyme) baked
So he packed up and went back to Gaul
A Scotsman named Angus McRucker…
You want me to skip a setup like that? Besides, until you let the cat out of the bag, I bet at least one person thought I was clever. :mad:
A Scotsman named Angus MacRucker
Took a job as a horse stable mucker
Ach-feck-shite! was the sound
As he fell to the ground
That barn floor is a real slippry fucker
I know an attorney named Pat
Who likes when his clients go splat
Because when they holler
He makes a good dollar
And he’s happy when his wallet is fat
There once was a dog named Rover
There once was a doggie named Rover
Who liked to go romp in the clover
One morn whilst a-romping
His pills took a stomping
Now ole Rover won’t ever come over
Remember that foul hag named Mulva
Remember that foul hag named Mulva
Who couldn’t do anything dull. Va-
-riety thrill’d her
But eventually kill’d her
When the umbrella open’d up in her vulva
A grocery store clerk, name o’ Whipple…
A grocery store clerk, name o’ Whipple
Was awfully fond of the tipple
But nobody thunk
that this cheery old drunk
Said that “Charmin” was the name of his nipple
Since **Cluricaun ** didn’t provide the start to the next one…
A young lady once went to the mall…
He was probably laughing too hard to remember.
A young lady once went to the mall
and met a young man, had the gall
to say “Lady, you’re tardy
Let’s strip down and party
Young lady, please get on the ball”
There once was a young lass named Lucy…
Damn, I did forget…anyway:
There once was a young lass named Lucy…
Who’s top half was rather quite juicy
But below her waist
It was really a waste
Oh her poor sad dried up old……ahem.
Remember the one about Dave?
Who got hired at minimum wage.
The job descprition was unclear,
Simply stated,“must have nice rear.”
I think he became a sex slave.
Why do these all end up in the gutter?
A Circus Performer named Bill…
…that scandalous scurrilous knave?
He hit on my sister
if that isn’t twisted
I’ll sink him down deep in a grave!
Then there’s his brother named Peter…
On Edit: ooops, got beaten to it…
A Circus Performer named Bill…
Balanced plates on a stick. Not a thrill.
But now he’s quite happy,
His act is now snappy,
All thanks to a little blue pill.
Gutter? Hey, they’re limericks. I think the raunch is required.
A fading old actress named Nora…
I’ll get them both then…
A Circus Performer named Bill
Could give the crowd a special thrill
Swinging from the trapeeze
By what looked like his knees
But what it was the crowd talks about still
Then there’s his brother named Peter…
The notorious old pumpkin eater
He swore to the lord
That he gave up the gourd
But come fall he’s a bit of a cheater.
I once knew a lady named Shirley…
Whose behavior was clearly quite squirrelly.
Her father, to calm her
introduced her to Dahmer
Who thought, “I’d like fries with this girly.”
A lady named Doris once thought…
That she would like to be taught
How to attract men by her dress –
But she had no success,
So 'twas a vibrator she bought.
A fading old actress named Nora…
…found her figure grew steadily poorer
She went to the quack,
Said “My tits have gone slack
And I’ve tripped on my labia majora!”
Next:
A young butcher’s daughter named Alice…
Was attacked by a man with great malice.
This caused her father much strife,
So he pulled out a knife
and removed the evil man’s phallus
This is too much fun. I’m really laughing out loud at some of these limericks!
(the first line is the toughest)
A jolly old fat man from York…
A young butcher’s daughter named Alice
Thought each sausage looked like a phallus
Her behavior was worst
Around links of bratwurst
And thus she was banned from Meat Palace
You’ve probably heard of Aunt Bea…
…Always carried a spare knife and fork
If you asked him what for
He’d slice off your jaw
And reply “Tastes exactly like pork.”
I think there’s already a next starter floating about somewhere…