You’ve probably heard of Aunt Bea
Who made lemonade out of her pee
The whole town did thought
It was the best lemonade they bought
Until they all ended up with V.D.
Miss Annie worked down by the dock…
…From morning till past one o’clock
Doing favours for sailors
And skippers, and whalers
And anyone blessed with a cock.
Next: A dentist’s apprentice named Smithers…
A dentist’s apprentice named Smithers
Caught a pre-coital case of the dithers
With endurance to gain
Shot his tool with procaine
Now his pecker just droops there and withers.
A drunken graverobber from Leicester
A drunken graverobber from Leicester
Would rarely leave bodies to feicester
Depressingly often
He’d dig up a coffin
Of a girl and proceed to moleicester
There was a young man from Cape Cod…
There was a young man from Cape Cod
Whose friends were quite easily awed
So they ferried to Siasconset
For a rave 'mongst the wan-set
They all mooched 'til our Goth blew his wad
A fey terrier named Proserpina
Jesus Cid, not making it easy on us anymore eh? 
A fey terrier named Proserpina
Had an outsized red rocket wein-ah
From the yard to the pound
it dragged on the ground
so the dog never kept it clean-ah.
Here’s one about good old McMack…
…who was stumped by a tale of duck’s quack.
When he heard they don’t echo
He said “What the heck? Oh
how stupid, I’ve not read the FAQ!”
Next:
A genius, name: Adams, Cecil…
Had a brain that gave folks quite a thrill
But that’s all that he had
And he was often quite sad
Until he found a little blue pill
When a poster named Annie was banned
She created a sock and flames fanned
Soon she was spotted
And got her ass modded
Now other message boards she does spam
The once was a farmer called Ted…
The once was a farmer called Ted…
And to his own cousin was he wed
The kids that they had
Turned out pretty bad
All three attached at the head.
Up next is our good friend Juan…
Up next is our good friend Juan
Turns out Juan was a man with a plan
This cunning marauder
Dug under the border
But turned left and came up in Japan
Next:
A comely young lady from Gloucester…
Who does naughty things to his flan
He laughs when it wiggles
It gives him the giggles
If he asks if you want some, say “NONE!”
There once was a large hairy bear…
Damn, got beat to it… oh well…
A comely young lady from Gloucester
Desired to become a jouster
She parried and thrusted
Til her corset she busted
And her bosom came falling all ouster.
There once was a large hairy bear…
There once was a large hairy bear
Who felt shy 'cause his derriere
Could never toot loud
Except in a crowd:
Bear farts aren’t real with no others there.
There once was a stand-up comedian
There once was a stand up comedian
Whose jokes tended toward the quotidian
He said “take my wife please”
But this one drunken sleaze
Tried to show her his trumpet of Gideon.
A mail carrier once went berserk…
There once was a stand-up comedian
Who played a big gig in a seedy inn.
The gig went so bad
He ran out, raving mad
And got run over on the highway median.
A man once went very postal…
Okay, I was trying to work “postal” in there somehow, but mine scans better 
A mail carrier once went berserk,
Due to stresses encountered at work
He vented his spleen
Kicked a sorting machine
Now his foot’s gone by air to Grand Turk.
Next:
There once was an aeroplane pilot…
There once was an aeroplane pilot,
Who’d spy on the john’s through an eyelet,
A lady who poked out his retna
was removed by security in New Gretna,
And now resides in Guantanimo, I bet.
There once was an aeroplane pilot,
who was schtupping a stew name of violet.
in the head they did screw
while the first mate and crew
passed out drinks and watched through the eyelet.
Twas a young shooter named Willie…