“Hello? Anybody here? … Okay, that answers that, back to Earth…”
“One small step for mankind, one large step for- dammit, start over? Huh? What’s live?”
It’s a godawful small affair…
WOO!! I am MASTURBATING LIKE A MOTHERFUCK!!!
Oh wow. This is a historic moment. I get to be the first person to…wait, is that a Starbucks?
What was I thinking signing up for Big Brother Mars edition?
[an egregiously long fart]
“YAHTZEE!”
“Now to prove to Mankind what I always knew to be true in my heart, I will take off my helmet and breathe deep Mars’ life-giving air…”
[takes off helmet and eyes explode]
“Houston, we have apparently been arrested as illegal aliens.”
“Uh…Frank? I know how this is going to sound, but is it just me, or do you also hear Dueling Banjos?”
“Somewhere on mother Earth, millions are watching a golden sunset as I stare alone at the dawn of a bright blue sunrise. And Tripods. Hundreds of Tripods! Noooo!”
[vaporized]
“Wait a minute! This isn’t Mars!” punching fellow astronaut on the arm “I TOLD you that the damned map was upside down! But would you stop and ask for directions? Noooooooooooooooo… Better call Mission Control and tell them we’re gonna be late because SOMEBODY screwed up…again.”
~VOW
What do you mean my government doesn’t want to pay your government the other $63 million to get me back home Boris?
All right, STOP!
Collaborate and listen…
(extra points for doing the first moon walk on Mars)
I hereby claim this planet in the name of…
DUCK DODGERS IN THE 24 1/2 CENTURY!!!
Evangelical astronaut.
“Oh wow, the remains of an ancient civilization. Let’s see, according to this manuscript, those who remained after the rapture decided to make a fresh start on the third planet from the sun…oh crap.”
“AHH! Quicksand!”
The chances of anyone coming to Mars
were a million to one they said
The chances of anyone coming to Mars
were a million to one
But still we come
“The snipe will be along any moment now … that’s what the camp counselors told us …”
Brilliant. 
“Hey everybody, try the water, it’s great!”