According to Kim Stanley Robinson’s Red Mars, the first words spoken on Mars will be “Well, here we are.”
I love the idea, but I think it’s a bit unlikely that it’d get past the PR people at NASA. But it got me thinking about what I’d say if I was the first human there.
Maybe…
“Hmm… nice planet.”
or…
::does pratfall:: “Umm… that’s one small trip for a man, one giant trip for mankind.”
or…
“No…air… can’t…breathe…”
Got any suggestions?
“No, not that button!”
“What do you mean we’re out of fuel?”
“Bob, where’d you put the freeze-dried… What the hell was that bump? Hey did we just land?”
“I think I just stepped in something.”
“I’m so excited I just peed my space-suit.”
“You told me we were going to Disneyland!”
Or just plain:
“Aieeeee! Radioactive steam!” (I hope someone gets the reference…)
“Oh shit, it’s O.J.”
“Hello, Mars. I’d like to tell you about Jesus.”
“Ni!”
“I’m bored. Let’s leave.”
“Cecil, go heat up some f*ckchops.”
You say your name is Tars Tarkas? Is that spelled with one or two "t"s?
“Jesus Christ! There’s already a ‘Starbucks’ here!”
Good Luck, Mr Gorsky!
“Wait, wait. Can we do that take over again? There’s a coyote in the background!”
Uncle Martin!
“No honey! You said take a left and I took a left. And let me tell you something, this does NOT look like aunt Margarets!”
All your Mars are belong to us.
NASA, it closely resembles Edward James Olmos’ face.
Hi, Opar (OK, I’m mixing my ERB, so sue me!)
Mars ain’t no kind of place to raise your kids. In fact it’s cold as Hell. And there’s no one there to (something-the-other) if you did/died/dead.
And the trusty standby, “Take me to your leader.”
Sir Rhosis
Huh. So that’s what happened to the dinosaurs.
“Do I have to make a purchase to use the can?”
::climbs down the ladder and steps onto the surface::
[E.I.]
OOOH! It’s all sticky! Made of jam.
[/E.I.]
How about:
-“Whoa! Dude! We made it!! Let’s spark up another one to celebrate!”
-“AHHHHHH!!! The mind-lice!!! It BURNS!!!” (just to keep NASA on its toes for a bit!)
-“one small step for a man, one giant leap for bump OW! OW! DAMN! My funny bone…”
-“I’M not going first! What if there are sandworms? YOU go first!”
-“uh… uh… CRAP! I forgot what I was gonna say!!”
let’s try…
*What kind of name is Barsoom anyway? (someone PLEASE get this)
*Who farted?
*Anyone feel like we’re being watched?
*So where’s this face we keep hearing about?
So that’s where that damn probe landed.
A non-doper friend suggested…
“Blue? It’s not supposed to be blue…”
And Darian00… I may not be a clean-limbed fighting man from Virginia, but I know a banth from a thoat, and I can find Helium with my eyes closed.
“Jack Chick is an a**hole.”
“‘God,’ he said, dying on Mars, ‘we made it!’” --Theodore Sturgeon