Flakey People Can Go F*ck Themselves

This will probably sound like I’m overreacting. Perhaps I am. Either way, let me vent.

I’ve been flirting with this waitress at a restaurant near work for about a month now. Nice, intelligent girl, my age (23). We’d chat about books and she’d often come and sit at my table and chat with me when it was slow. Finally, after a few weeks of being too nervous, I finally asked for her number and she practically beamed when I asked and she gave it to me. I was sick at the time so I waited a few days to call her. I knew she was a student and I knew she worked a lot, so I was totally understanding when she didn’t answer my first call. She even called me back a while later and explained she was at a defensive driving course, but was on break, and said she would call me when she got done. Of course, she never did. I tried calling the next day after I got off work, but didn’t get an answer. No big deal. I decided to try calling one more time the next afternoon. Still no answer. I sent her a text message saying I understood she was busy and asked if there was a better time for me to try and reach her. She texted me back that evening quite apologetic and we exchanged a few very pleasant messages before I went to bed. Two days after that I decided to try calling again, but still got no answer. I send one more text message to her saying that I felt bad for calling so much (4 times since I got her number a week before) and said I’d wait for her to call me back. The next day after work I decided to go get a bite to eat at the restaurant she works at (I usually go there once a week) and I saw her and she came to my table and sat down and said, “I was hoping you’d come in tonight!” and told me about how busy she’s been and apologized again for not getting back to me. I told her it was nothing at all to worry about. She came and sat at my table a few other times over the next hour and we talked about various things until her shift was finally over and she said that Sunday (today) was her day off and she’d definitely call me then as her homework was the only thing she needed to do otherwise. I smiled and said I looked forward to it and she left.

Which brings us to today. It’s 11:45 here and I have received not a single peep from her. I was bored earlier so I did try calling her around 10pm. Obviously she didn’t answer her phone and didn’t call me back. By that point in time I was rather frustrated. I am totally fine with people being busy but I can’t stand when people go out of their way to assure you they are going to do something which they never wind up doing. She didn’t HAVE to say she’d call me today, but she did. To me, it’s just insulting when a person fucks with you like that. I called her once more 30 minutes ago, the ONLY TIME I’ve ever called her twice in one day. I didn’t get an answer then either. I sent her a very friendly text message at that point, “That must be quite a homework assignment… feel free to call me someday if you ever finish it. ;o) Seriously though, the ball’s in your court now.” And that’s it. I’m done with her. No more calls, no more games. Hell, I don’t think I’m even going to go to that restaurant anymore. I simply cannot stand it when people, supposedly mature adults, play fucking games like this. UGH!!!

Some people make promises and then don’t follow through because they don’t take them seriously and aren’t considerate of the other person’s feelings. There are others who enjoy playing games. There is no way to know for certain which this is, but she is either inconsiderate or messing with your head.

You deserve better. You’ve been very reasonable.

I would be tempted to return to the restaurant just so that every time she tried to sit down I could send her back for something else – more coffee, ketchup, another napkin, etc.

But then that would be a little vengeful, wouldn’t it?

I must admit, that does sound very tempting. :wink: I’m just too nice of a guy to dick around with people though. Knowing me, I’ll probably give it a week. If I don’t hear from her by then, I probably will go to the restaurant, but simply to tell her that, while I think she’s an attractive and intelligent young woman, she’s obviously too busy to worry about having another friend and gently assure her I won’t bother her with my phone calls anymore.

I kinda had this problem with a girl once. Between my schedule and hers, it seemed impossible. I’d call her and leave a message. If she got back to me the same day great, if not usually the next day. The thing was, she’d get home from work and take a nap. This boggled me. Who the hell sleeps that much? Turns out she had a night job helping her mom’s office cleaning biz. For the first 2 months we went on 3 dates, and I was insistant to my friends she was blowing me off.

August will be our 2nd anniversary.

Don’t give up if you like her, but don’t appear to be a stalker. Sometimes the explanation will make more sense than any guesses you make. Good luck.

I’ve been in a situation like yours a few too many times. Now I have very little patience. If she wants to go along, fine. If she just wants to play silly games, then you won’t hear from me again :mad:

This is one of the reasons why I always say never try dating someone at a place you really like to frequent. I’ve done it a few times and it always seems to end with me never getting another one of my favorite hamburgers…

Though one time I went even further than that – when I was in college I started dating a girl who lived in the same building. Too stupid for words…she had to walk past my door every time she went home. I remember during the breakup I would mute my TV/stereo every time I heard someone coming up the stairs. :smack:

Anyway, you sound like a nice guy and I’m sure there are lots of girls out there for ya. In the case, there are so many possibilities to explain her behavior that I wouldn’t bother getting torn up about it too much.

Just remember – which is more important…the chance of love or that great hamburger… :wink:

I appreciate all the input from everyone. Any more advice or similar anecdotes would be greatly appreciated.

Don’t do that. It makes you sound like a tool. If you don’t hear back from her then just move on with your life and don’t make a scene. If you like the restaurant then keep going there, talk to her if she wants to and if she says she’ll call you smile, nod, say OK and take it with a grain of salt.

If you’re really that upset about it then just stop going to the restaurant.

Maybe she’s just nervous as hell. Everything may be fine when you see her, because you’re seeing her in her “home court,” somewhere public and familiar, and she sort of has the upper hand as far as control goes. I’m the same way. At work, at my regular bar, or at a place where I am extremely comfortable, I can chat you up for hours. Put me somewhere out of my element, I clam right up. Perhaps you can arrange to meet her after work sometime for a cup of coffee, just to get the ball rolling? Baby steps, my friend. Baby steps.

Don’t give up your favorite place to eat. No one killed anyone, so continue to go there. Heck, maybe your friendship, at whatever level it was at, will continue.

I once asked out a girl who worked at a pub I frequent weekly. She had become almost ‘one of the crew’ with my friends and I over the course of almost two years.

We went out once, had a good time, and I learned she had a boyfriend.

So, things could have been awkward because they ‘didn’t work out’, but hey, she still was/is a cool person. Life goes on, and I still go to the pub, and she’s still a friend.

If you allow yourself to just keep on keepin’ on, then you’ll retain both a friendship and a good place to eat. If you never go back, or avoid the place, you’ll just stay hurt/embarassed or whatever, and will probably be less satisfied in the long run.

See usually if a guy rings me as much as you rang her, I stop responding to text messages hoping he’ll understand, that I unlike him, do not have endless credit.
That may seem mean, but it works… and when I do run into them next, I explain to them.

But I’m guessing she’s just one of those people who are like that. I used to have a boyfriend who was like that… it was so frustrating! Eventually I’d just wait till he messaged me.

Absolutely the best advice so far. Make a specific date with her in person while you’re chatting at the restaurant. Don’t ask “would you like to go to a movie/dinner/coffee ‘sometime’”. Be specific. Ask, “would you like to go see a movie on Saturday?”

And don’t keep calling her so much, you’re starting to look desperate. Desperation is never attractive.