Flaming Meteorite Cock, OR Two Habaneros are definitely enough

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
21

I got one like that, sort of.

I had skinned my my pretty part pretty badly- don’t ask…
Anyway, I had boutght a tube of this topical anesthetic, and it worked great.
I go commando all the time.
One day, I went to school, and forgot to apply the sauce, and it was a miserable day.
So, when it was done, I rushed home to put the sauce on, my pretty part is raw from all day in the jeans with no sace for it.
Well, this tube of stuff looks a lot like a tube of some kind of icy hot I had.
And, I was in a hurry.

About 1/2 way done, I got the first subliminal whiffs, and a primitive horror stole over me- I haadn’t even consciously realized what I had done yet, although I did milliseconds later…

So, there I am, whimperiing like a dying thing- skin is non-existant, remember, but the pain ain’t started yet, although I know it’s fixin to any second. I’m frantically rinsing in the sink, in a pretty wierd position, using the coldest wateer I can get out of the tap, and do get teh bulk of it off, but once it’s on, it’s too late.

So, then the screams started, and me, unable to bear pulling my pants back up, trying to at least get some air on it, hopping madly aroudn my apartment with my pants around my ankles…

I’m shuddering even recalling it…

22

Inor that does indeed sound terrible and I know you said not to ask, but what I and I’m sure all the other dopers want to know is how in the world would you skin your “pretty part”

[sub] please for the love of God, don’t let him say “during rough sex”, 'cause I hate would hate to even imagine what sort of rough trade would invoke that kind of damage[/sub]:smiley:

23

You sure you want to hear?

I’d have to get an affirmative from at leasst several people in the thread- it’s tmi, but you might giggle while at the same time making big huge notes to yourself to never ever ask me questions again…

24

I wanna know! I wanna know!

:smiley:

25

I definitely want to know. I originally assumed it was too much masturbation. That’s not the case?

And why do you consider it “pretty” anyway?

-L

26

Maybe Inor you should start a TMI/How I skinned my Pretty Part thread but…

I used to work (actually slave) at a Chi-Chis restuarant in the kitchen.

Sometimes I had to slice jalapenos for hours. Of course sometimes you nick your own fingers and got the juice in the cuts.

Sometimes you start to sweat from the heat. The sweat gets in your eyes and then you rub your eyes. Of course being blind and being a slave you have to keep working with the sharp knife and you cut your hand some more.

I guess I was lucky that they didn’t allow bathroom breaks.

TMI TMI TMI

Ok Inor I’ll tell about the scar on my pretty part.

Once while going number two I decided to light a match.

I then dropped the match into the toliet between my legs.

I missed the toilet.

I actually had a little blister.

Now there is just a little dark scar.
OK I think actual fire is worse than icy-hot or pepper juice.

27

Now I have to know both how you skinned it and how you-a man- came to call your whatsit your “pretty parts”. I thought there was some sort of unwritten guy code that states you have to call it something fierce and scary like “he-monster” “trouser snake” “one-eyed wonder worm” or my fave “He who must be obeyed”

I have to admit I have seen one or two that were * quite * charming and I [i[ have-- on occasion-- called mine “precious” …But I digress.:stuck_out_tongue:

Come on 'fess up.

28

Although by now you’re no doubt all distracted by inor and his “pretty part,” I did want to chime in and say I made mistakes similar to both the OP and Rico Swervy.

Not with habaneros, thank Hod, just cayenne peppers. I chopped them up for a recipe, forgot to wash my hands, then went to the bathroom, did my business, then took out my contact lenses.

Not only did the burning sensation last in 'nads and eyes for more than a day, but I had to throw away the lenses. No matter how I scrubbed them with multipurpose solution, they were irredeemable.

Now tell us how you skinned your prett part, inor.

29

but yer gonna make faces…

all ya’ll? kind of a big tmi here. I know that’s not as emphatic or flashy as Zebra’s tmi warning, but, if you value your soul at all, heed it as if your life depended upon it…This is an inor post, as squishy as they get…

First- to you who asked- well, it’s brought me lots of pleasure, so I wanted to say someting nice to it. Some of you may know I talk to it nicely these days, and still others might know I do have a definite female side to me. (my left side…)
To boot, well, fuck, it’s MY COCK, I can call it anything I want to.
And, I confess, I like the sex talk it inspires-

she-OH YEAH BABY OH YEAH STICK THAT PRETTY PART IN ME OH YEAH!!! RAMM ME HARDER WITH YOUR STEAMY, ROCK HARD BIG PRETTY PART

me-OH YEAH BABY, YOU WANT IT I CAN TELL YOU SLUT SO OPEN UP THOSE SWEET LIPS O’ YOUR’N AND SPREAD EM WIDE CAUSE HERE COMES MY FIERY, RAMPANT, PILEDRIVIN PRETTY PART

or, me, in the low, hissy, deadly voice of one getting blown-o,yeh, baby, yeah, like that oh, yeah, take it all (menacing, like we get sometimes to be all tough and dominant) you like my pretty, PRETTY PART, yaeaahaha you do…

or YEAH BABY, SLAM THAT PRETTY PART UP MY ASS, OH, I JUST CAIN’T GET ENOUGH A THAT PRETTY PART!!!

Well, either that or I was trying, briefly, to follow the advice of a couple lady dopers, but having spent some more time in MPSIMS, and seeing some of the other stuff that goes on here, have decided to just be me, with a boiler plate on my posts…

Well, so anyway, yeah, you’re kinda right- it *is sort of masturbating, and it is sort of rough trade, although not in the way you think…

(as an aside, and different than what I’m going to speak about here- I do things over board, and stroking the goat is no exception, and I actually have done it till it bled, but it doesn’t peel whole sheets of skin off, it causes a condition I’ve always thought of as ‘ring around the collar’

nope, not in the way you might think at all.
I have a bad back- a birth defect where I have one malformed vertebrae, which can go out, and when it does, it’s excrciating, as those of you with backs that go out will know. I suffered an accident in which I broke my back, and the breaking impact was such that it further aggravated the birth defect.
So, I got this this bad back.
It stays stronger and I have fewer episodes of it going out if I work it out.
Well, one time I got to noticin’ that when ever I was in a relationship, I had fewer problems with my back and sat down and thought about it:
Relationship?

No relationship?

What’s the difference that could cause my back to be stronger when in one than when not in one?
Hmmmm.

Can you guess what I came up with?

Yup, bangin like a screen door in a hurricane- that’s what I figured was doing it.

So, I decided to invent some excercises that would help it.

I get down on the floor, in a raised push up position, and do some ‘air fucking’, as long as I can, in sets.
In sets.
Then, I do the same on elbows, because it works different muscles.
I have recently changed this, to where, instead of staying in an upraised position, I jsut go ahead and do pushups while i air fuck. I’m betting it probably looks pretty damn silly…

K, so this is kinda hard, try it if you don’t believe me- ya gotta do it vigorously though, jsut staying up or doing pushups or on your elbows, humping away madly as you can at the air.
And, although I believe it’s real good practice for if I ever get in another relationship, the immediate rewards are jsut not there, y’know?

And, I’m definitely an immediate reward-oriented kind of guy, shallow of me, I know, but we all do the best that we can with what we have…

So anyway, one day, there I am, air fucking like a mother fuckr, and I hadn’t stroked my pretty part in a while, I was really trying to cut down, not the least reason being a pretty bad case of ring around the collar, and I got tired and jsut let myself flop on the floor, carpeted.

You dan probably guess what happens next- At the time, my back had been going through a sort of bad spell, and when that happens, I really can’t lay on my belly, so I hadn’t for a while.

Well, all pumped up and thinking about how ready for it if I ever did have sex again…when I flopped, the sensation of my cock pressing against the rug through my sweats was verrry nice.

I thought of a reward for myself, yanked down my sweats, and jsut fucked the shit out of that carpet. It was bi-level, and to this day, I believe that that made what happened worse than it might have been…

I noticed fairly quickly a sensation of pain, but I was kind of in a frenzy, and besides, I am an addict, and you can get addicted to way more things than drugs, and one of the things I have been addicted to was the dopamine rush that climax brings…

So, upshot of it all is, I peeled my dick like a kiwi fruit, and there in is the tale that led up to the tale above.

The rest is boring, jsut cleaning the various liquids off the carpet, some holding and moaning after the dopamine subsided, chasing the fucking dog off from the interesting scents emanating from the pretty part region

Ohhhhh.
I hope you’re happy…

30

Tell me again why you’re not married?

31

just ain’t found the right one I guess…

32

:laughing so hard I’m actually crying:

I deserved that cause I did ask. But I’d say that definitely qualifies as unsafe sex.

But still the mental images…are quite intriguing.

33

Poor inie’s pretty part! I’d kiss it and make it all better, but, well, ahem I don’t want to hijack this thread too…

Giggle

34

I set mine on FIRE and everyone gives sympathy to Inor laying carpet?!?!

I don’t get no respect, no respect at all.

35

you just rock man.

ahuh.

Still can’t look at that line without laughin…

just the perfect finish to that whole floor excersize…

36

Ow! Well, since it was in your living room inor, I assume that at least it wasn’t that awful indoor/outdoor stuff, but rather a decent shag carpet.

I’m sorry. I don’t know what came over me…besides the gales of hysterical laughter. :smiley:

Poor Zebra, your injury may well have hurt more, but you have to admit that inor’s is dumber.

37

he lit his poop on fire, while he was sitting on it!
And, the indoor/outdoor issue? you saw where I said it was bi-level? Well, let’s just see you get it on with those little hard nubs in the low spots, see how you come out…

Now, let’s have a little Balance here, uh?
and r- don’t you dare- you keep reading my stuff, yer gonna be hagged out on any kind of sex by the time yer 25.

:smiley:
BTW, I am never, repeat, never, attending any sort of doper function at all.

Ever.

38

My Math teacher in ninth grade offered a free A on tests to any kid with balls enough to eat a home grown habenero. Of course, being a dumb ass, I accepted. Actually eating it was not as bad as I expected it to be, I didn’t even get a drink of water (extra credit for that, he said). But on the way out… whew. Thank God I was taking a shower right after, I just jumped in, spread the cheeks, and let the cold water flow.

–Tim

39

Inor,

The lit match fell on my pretty part.

And I had hard time choosing beteen laying carpet and carpet bagger.

40

right now!