The whole point of the foot in the mouth is that you didn’t mean what you said, it just came out that way. Hence the OP. Post your story, in spoilers if you must. Or if you prefer to PM (per Santo’s suggestion), I request I be added to the list of recipients.
I have two.
I remember, when working as a clerk in a library, telling a young Indian girl she should work hard during the summer and, “get up early to milk the cows.”
She looked at me. “We don’t eat cows.”
Then she left, making me feel like a moron.
I’m a teacher now and this provides plenty of opportunities to make an idiot of myself. I had a student(who I’ll call Jimmy) last year whose sister died in a car accident last August(causing him to miss most of September).
Anyway, by May, the thought of his sister’s death had left me(I never met her). The boy was in the room and another teacher joked, “Last year we had so-and-so’s sister. We liked the sister better.”
Jimmy heard this and laughed hard. I turned to leave and joked, “Yeah, Jimmy, maybe next year we’ll have a sister of yours and like her better.”
Jimmy said, “What??”
And I left, only realizing how much of an idiot I’d been about 5 minutes later. I apologized, obviously.
:smack:
I too am intensely curious about the Gatopescado Gaff.
Nothing I’ve said is too terribly stupid, but recently a co-worker’s husband left her and, naturally enough, she is devastated. I found out while the two of us were talkikng to a meeting. During the meeting, it comes up that she’ll be proofreading a lot of my pages soon.
I (somewhat thoughtlessly to begin with) meant to say something along the lines of, “this week her middle name is going to be Proof!”
What I said was, “Susan’s new last name is Proof!” :smack:
How is it that you were the moron and not her? AFAIK, Hindus drink milk, don’t they?
Now if you had recommended getting up early and slaughtering the cows, I might have left, myself.
I will only post to say that you better make double damn sure who you’re IMing at work if you choose to badmouth one co-worker to another.
:eek:
This thread is cringy-goodness!
One of my best friends in college was a guy who had some erectile dysfunction issues. He was (of course) very upset about it, especially since he was only 24. He’d confessed this to me under the strictest confidence and I never said a word to anyone about it.
One day we were having lunch at a local restaurant. Our waiter was terrible, and ignored us almost completely. After lunch we were walking to the car and he commented on how the waiter was terrible. I said “OMG, he was about as worthless as a broke dick.”
He stopped and looked at me and I thought I was going to d-i-e, die. I have never, ever said that phrase again.
After I’d been working here for 5 years or so, they hired a class of 6 or so new folks. I got quite close to 2-3 of them.
Less than a year later, there was talk about various significant budget problems, which might require having each employee take a few days’ furlough. The new hires were concerned about their future, as they were still in their probationary period. I assured them there was no worry, as our shop had NEVER fired anyone, they ALWAYS had budget woes, and it would NEVER happen.
One day they were called into the bosses’ office. Again, I assured them they had NOTHING to worry about. A little while later I happened to see them coming down the hall, and I called out something like, “There are a bunch of copy paper boxes if you need to clear out your offices.” All of their faces just fell except one guy who was quite the free spirit who grinned and said, "That’s right! They just canned our asses!"
The one guy who got hired back a year or so later still occasionally kids me about that.
I find it amusing that the Google ads on this thread are all for lawyers.
ETA: Okay, and now they’re not. But one of them was for “brain injury lawyers”.
This thread must have inspired me :smack:
I just got done talking to another guy here at work to help me resolve a problem. We got it worked out and I said, “Thanks, I’ve been tearing my hair out over this thing all morning.”
He looked at me, with an annoyed look on his face and said, “Really?”
Me = full head of thick hair
Him = clinging to just a ring of hair above his ears. Much too young to have that much hair loss to boot.
DOH!
My mother pulled this one off:
My little brother and I, 6 and 11 at the time, are at the park with my mom walking through some heavily wooded trails. We must have been pretending we were in a jungle or something and my brother and I ran ahead on the trail out of sight from my mom. We came across a very very obese couple walking the other direction and we both smiled at them. At the same moment my mom who is still out of sight yells “Look Out For The Elephants!!”
My brother and I froze in shock as they passed up and then turned to watch as my mom came around the corner and the smile on her face turn into a look of horror. Just as she passed them she says very ackwardly “And the giraffes and bears too…”
She felt soooooo bad.
Yeah, I don’t really see how that’s such a cringe-y moment. Besides, it’s not like you can always tell if someone is a Hindu anyway. And if they are, and they get offended over THAT, they’re serious pussies.
Oh, I know, that was just me making a joke…
Can I also request a PM for the terrible story, Gatopescado?
Holy Crap, Sleeps With Butterflies…
…that’s exactly what this thread is about.
I’ve never accidentally done something like that to a good friend! :smack: 
Me too. (Or just spoiler it as suggested. We know you didn’t really mean it . . .)
I’ve told this one before on The Dope, but maybe it bears (shameful) repeating.
20 years ago I worked with a woman whose mother died an awful and protracted death from brain cancer. Fast forward a few months and a group of us are having lunch together and I start to complain about a bad headache I was having. I, of course, complained that "Gawd, it feels like freakin’ brain cancer . . . "
Horrified looks all around and I quickly apologized.
Me three… Curiosity and all.
No. It was in the morning! 
Sorry, folks. Ain’t gonna happen.
Alluded to in another thread…
Me, gushing, to J Michael Straczynski: I’ve really loved your work in television. I grew up on Murder, She Wrote…
JMS: Fuck off!
Oops. 
Fortunately, it was a lighthearted retort… At least PARTLY so…
This sort of thing needs to be made illegal. If for nothing else than my own protection. My brain can’t handle the unrequited curiosity.
Bastard.
Two stories.
I’m at dinner with a dozen or so of our closest friends. All the men are middle-aged and yet all have luxurious thick heads of hair. Bastards. I’m bald. Not Polished To A Mirror Sheen, but bald. So I start what I think is a bit of self-deprecation humour, moaning on about how unfair it is that I am bald.
And everyone is quiet.
Because one of our female friends at the other end of the table is also bald, from chemo (she’s doing fine now). In my defence (and no, there is no defence) I see her so often that I’ve just got used to the fact that she doesn’t have hair, so the little social filter I have for these things didn’t kick in. But dear Og that was embarrassing.
Second story.
I’m scoring at my son’s school cricket match. (Scoring in cricket is kind of complicated, but it’s one of those Dad things you just have to do). As is the convention, the other school has a Dad who is also scoring, so that we can both keep the score books in agreement.
Turns out he went to the same high school as me, which is odd, because it is not either of the schools that our sons are going to. So we start reminiscing about old teachers, blah blah blah. Before long, we’re getting on famously.
Later on, while his son’s team are batting (and so most of their team is off the field) some young 14 year old popsy with too short a skirt and too much make-up comes up to them and behaves in a manner that is far too familiar to be proper. I figure she is a sports groupie hoping to get lucky with a trophy jock.
So I say to my new found scoring mate, “Gee, someone’s going to go to jail for that little tart.”
You can see what’s coming.
He says “What? My daughter?”
An instant hideous painful death would have been a blessing. Because we were stuck with each other’s frosty company for the next several hours (cricket is a game that takes a lo-o-o-o-ng time to play). I am wincing at the memory still.