Regardless of what sort of relationship you used to have with Bob (and Anne - she did indicate that she thought you were friends), you don’t have it any more. Period.
They have moved on to a different phase of life (i.e. spousing, babying, housing, etc) - all of their previous relationships are going to change - the ones with their parents, siblings, friends, exs. because their focus is different. Regardless of your various ages, Bob and Anne sound like they’re moving into adulthood, and you’re still stuck in adolescence where having this degree of emotional needyness is par for the course. Sorry - that e-mail to Bob expresses things that are only cool for your current spouse, BF, or BF you’re planing on getting back together with. Certainly not an Ex, and no way for an ex with a new spouse who’s expecting.
I think you really stepped over the line - my SO has lots of female friends and he shows me the messages they send him - not because I’m nosy but because he thinks I would be interested in what they had to say. If he got a message like that I would ask him to distance himself from that person and he would. You’re dumping everything on Anne, but your message probably freaked Bob out too.
Does that suck for you? Yep. However, that’s just the way these things go. If I were you I would just leave it alone for a while. Send a nice baby gift, keep messages short and on topic (i.e. Any chance of the $$ you owe me?) and let them develop their lives together as a family.
When I read this message it seems kind of mean and I don’t intend it that way - I just think you really put your foot in it. Sorry you’re having such a rough time right now - I’m sure things will work out with the benefit of time and fewer hormones, etc, etc.
If it’s any consolation, it has been my experience that most attempts to be friends with an ex are doomed to fail one way or another. If you two hadn’t become estranged over this, it would have been something else (like maybe if you started dating a new guy and Bob had a problem with THAT).
But who is she going to tell this gossip to? The point about interesting news is that you don’t keep it to yourself.
It’s like ripples in a pond, spreading outwards…
When an ex emails or phones wanting closure, it leads to more emails, talking about feelings, IM-ing, worrying about the other’s feelings, phoning, emails, meeting for coffee, etc. This sucks time and resources from the primary relationship. It does not provide closure: it prolongs and re-establishes the ex-relationship, with the added drama of “every communication could be the last”, and you only chat with each other when you have something to share- and not during the bustle and drag of daily duties. From Anne’s perspective, it was the right thing to do. The only way to provide closure is to close the case and move on.
There is a reason you sent that email to him, and not her. You were missing Bob, email was to him, and you were not really longing for contact with Anne