It’s behind you. Just lettin’ ya know. If you need to get a pen and paper and write that down, that’s okay. Take your time. This thread will wait until you get back.
Put your hands on your thighs, and then – remember to keep your hands in contact with your legs at all times – slide them around to the backs of your legs. (You may want to do this standing up. Don’t lose your balance.) Then slowly, SLOWLY, move your hands up the backs of your legs to your ass. You may have a wallet or some change in a pocket back there – good, that’s good. Get your hands on your ass. Think you got it? You might have gone too high. Try looking over your shoulder into a full-length mirror, or get a buddy to spot for you. If you still can’t do it, have your buddy take your hands and place them on your ass for you.
Okay, there you go. You’ve found your ass, and it only took two hands, written directions, a mirror, and a spotter.
If you need more help, just let me know. I’m here for you.