For Christ's Sake, Stop Coming to Our House!

The BBQ Pit
1

Hubby and I are hermits. We don’t socialize much. We’re very private people. We prefer it this way. We do occasionally have people over to our house, but it’s always by advance invitation.

Tonight the doorbell rang. The fact that it rang at all told me` instantly that it was not a family member, nor a close friend. Any of those would know not to “just drop by.” Even my mother doesn’t do that.

I didn’t answer it. The bell rang twice more, and then the person began hammering on it. A pause, then more of that instistant pounding. Had I opened the door, it would have been to hiss, “Asshole, I heard you. There’s no way I could not have heard you. Both dogs are barking at the tops of their lungs. People in Alaska could hear you.” Christ, what ego to assume the only possible reason why I wouldn’t fly down the stairs and wrench open the door to answer their summons was that I didn’t hear it!

Whoever you were, if I wanted to see you or talk to you, I would have made arrangements to do so. The surprise gift of your presence is not as pleasing as you think it is.

I am in my pajamas, reading a book. I am not dressed to recieve company, nor am I in the mood. The house is a bit disordered. My husband is in bed with the flu. I am not going to interrupt our quiet evening and drag him out of bed, so he can sit bleary-eyed listening to you talk about what so-and-so said, and what such-and-such did in response, while I stand, awkardly offering drinks in my bathrobe and feeling embarassed about the clutter.

Those that know us understand that we cherish our privacy. They understand that we’re happy to have visitors for the evening, but we must know in advance so we can prepare and be comfortable.

Because it wasn’t a loved one or friend, it probably was one of several people:

  1. A salesman, whom I would have refused anyway. If I want to buy something, I’ll travel the quarter mile to downtown and purchase it. I don’t open the door for salesmen because it’s a waste of time for both of us. I rarely open the door for strangers, unless they’re wearing a uniform or have a badge visible from my peep hole.

  2. My neighbor, with whom I go great lengths to avoid talking. It’s not that she’s unpleasant or rude, it’s just that she won’t shut up. Getting caught by her on my way out to the car to go to work is an ordeal. Even if you tell her you’re terribly late, she keeps yapping. I once did something incredibly rude when I could stay absolutely no longer: I abruptly turned walked away from her. She simply blathered on as she trotted behind me.

The worst part is that she knows people don’t want to talk to her, so she talks faster so she can get out all that she wants to say before her audience escapes. We know her ex-husband. He says their marriage ended not because she’s a bad person or anything, but because in thirteen years, she never once shut up.

She probably wanted to ask me if I want her son to mow my lawn again. That would have taken at least thirty minutes, I’m sure.

  1. One of my husband’s subordinates from work, who, almost every evening, have something which cannot possibly wait until morning. 98% of the time, it can. Some of the time, it’s something as paltry as wanting to be the first to relate workplace gossip.

First, our home phone will ring. Then, his cell phone will ring, then, possibly, the doorbell. Everyone thinks they’re top priority, and are supremely confident that my husband will be as upset/excited/angry/happy/interested as they are.

Some people complain that we don’t answer the phone. Who decreed that we have to do so? We have an answering machine, and we will call you back if we chose to do so.* You do not have constant access rights to us. *

I listen to the messages immediately after they are left. Sometimes we call back immediately. Other times, we do not return the call at all. It’s my opinon that should be our choice. It does not change our minds if you leave multiple messages. (What? Do you think the first three did not get delivered?) If we did not answer the phone the first time, calling repeatedly and hanging up before the machine answers does not make us do so.

In short, fucking leave us alone. Yes, if you have a problem, feel free to inform us of it. Call, leave a message, and consider your obligation fulfilled. It is duly noted. Nothing will likely be done about it until tomorrow, anyway.

2

That was you ?!

3

Perhaps it was the fire department who wanted to inform you there was a dangerous gas leak in the area. Or the police to warn you of a desperate escaped convict. Or someone stung by a swarm of bees and going into anaphylactic shock on your doorstep.

Or Ed McMahon with one of those giant checks from the Publisher’s Clearing House. Ever think of that? Hmm?

4

A-fucking-men.

5

Lissa

Missed you at the rapture girl. Where were you?

6

Lissa, I feel the same way. After a day at work, when I get home I want to be left alone. It’s my time. I like my privacy. I don’t want to buy something from some pushy salesman, or listen to somebody’s self iflicted drama. I do not want to answer the phone, go to the door, or anything else. If I want to be sociable, I will say so. Unfortunately, some people think everything revolves around them, and expect you to make all the accomodations.

7

I have a similar problem – ever since my dad died, people (friends and relatives) have been calling nonstop, many of them with unsolicited financial advice. “Why haven’t you graduated yet? You should have a job by now,” they tell me. “Buy green peppers instead of red, they’re cheaper,” they tell my Mom. And they always call during dinner; of course, if you don’t answer the phone, they leave a message: “You’ve gone out to dinner? You shouldn’t waste money like that!”

So yeah, Lissa, you’re well within your rights to not answer the door.

8

If it were a gas leak, the fire dept. would have yelled that. Also, they can leave messages on the answering machine.

I read about this in one of Miss Manners books. Some people expect you to be their audience at their time, whenever and for however long. These are the exact people you don’t enjoy listening to.
Once I had a friend (who has since moved) who called and just wanted to chat. I thought, okay. But he kept going, and I kept being patient. Eventually it was almost 3 hours. :eek: Once he told me he talked to someone on the phone for 7 hours. Okay…

9

I used to - note USE TO - know a guy who first rang the doorbell. Over and over. Then pounded on the door with his fist. Over and over. THEN MOVED TO RAPPING ON THE WINDOW.

When I finally had enough and called the police on him he stopped coming over.

10

Slight hijack- I don’t quite get ringing and then knocking. Am I the only one who knocks THEN rings?

My theory is that I should knock first (I don’t knock that hard), in case they are napping, have a sleeping baby, or are in the middle of filming “Naughty Housewives Volume 92827.” The only time I will ring after knocking is when I have something that is absolutely important (rare) or they are expecting me, etc, etc.

And I must say: you all have amazing self control (it sounds silly, but follow me here). If I were in Lissa’s situation, I would have answered the door out of morbid curiosity. If we didn’t have caller ID, I’d probably answer the phone everytime, too.

Not seeing who was at the door or on the phone would bug me all day and leave me wondering who it was and what they wanted. Just like if I miss a call on my cell that is from a blocked number and they don’t leave a message (CURSE ALL OF YOU WHO DO THIS! :wink: ).

11

We have a sign on our door that says ‘NO SOLICITING’. Because that didn’t seem to be clear enough, I added to it - ‘INCLUDING CHARITIES AND RELIGIONS’. Apparently that wasn’t clear enough, either, because some woman looking for donations to a charity still rang my bell, and got huffy when I asked her if she couldn’t see my signs on the door from outside. “Well, it is for a charity!” What part of NO SOLICITING EVEN FOR CHARITIES are you having trouble with? We have our charities that we donate to - don’t ring my bell, or my Canadian politeness may wear thin.

Yeah, I’m right there with you, Lissa - my home is my castle. Don’t phone and expect me to answer, don’t visit uninvited.

12

I used to open the door whenever someone knocked or rang. Then I moved into an apartment complex. Now it’s nothing but salesmen. I don’t even look out the peephole unless I’m expecting someone. I’ve discovered that if it’s just someone working their way through the complex, I’ll get one knock or ring, then they’ll move on. Often I can hear them knocking or ringing next door, too. If it’s someone who’s actually there to see ME, they’ll persist.

13

You know what works for us?

We have a doorbell. It’s not connected to anything, but it’s there for people we don’t know who want to push on a doorbell.

Then we have a security screen door in front of our normal wood door. We lock that. You can bash on it all you like; it’s a very muted noise.

And, for those times you really don’t want people coming by and buggering up your day, there’s the old faithful: pull the phone plug out of the wall. (We can’t take ours off the hook as it’s a cordless model and those automatically reset to take incoming calls after about 30 seconds of dial tone.)

Have a happy, quiet day! :smiley:

14

I may have that made into a sign for my front door. If you show up at my door without calling first Do Not expect to be invited in, you won’t be. I may answer and stand in the doorway but your ass will stay outside. It’s only me and my husband living here and we live our own lifestyle. Which may or may not include clothing at any given time. Also we may be awake at 4am and asleep at 11am so fuck off. If you wake me up I will not be pleasant.

15

I once knew a girl who was like that. And the best part? She eventually stopped hanging out with me, and told people that she was ceasing to hang out with me, because I was taking up too much of her time. Her words to me were that she was tired of seeing my “little face”.

Actually, I think she had a few screws loose; I’m basing that on some other stuff in addition to this, plus the fact that I was not the only target for her three-hour verbal tsunamis. In fact, that may be the case in some of these situations: sometimes a bore is not merely a bore, but a person with some behavioral problems.

16

My next door neighbor was in the habit of ringing the doorbell and/or banging on the door, bright and early nearly every morning. She was complaining that our dog was barking the night before, and she wanted us to keep the dog in the house or in the garage. I told her that I knew good and well the dog was barking. The REASON the dog barked her head off was because someone was getting too close to our fence, and we WANTED her to bark under those circumstances. Burglaries were and are not uncommon in our neighborhood. One time the dog was barking because someone had entered our backyard, and the intruders were being chased by the cops. The cops were, in fact, glad that the dog barked because the intruders came right back over the fence and into the cops’ welcoming arms. German shepherds are not known for reading suspects their rights before giving them a good bite. I will agree that a constantly barking dog is annoying, but ours always had a reason for barking.

She complained when we set out our trash bags/cans too early, in her opinion. My husband works odd hours, and he sets them out within the city’s official hours. She complained that our lawn had dandelions in it, and some brown spots. I pointed out that neither my husband nor I were retired, and didn’t have a lot of free time on our hands to manicure our lawn, like she and her husband did. I think that this was her major problem, she had entirely too much time on her hands and so she became a full-time busybody, instead of the part-time job she’d been doing before.

This woman was the biggest gossip in the area. She’d come over bright and early in the morning to tell us the latest news about who had done what to whom. I told her that I wasn’t interested, and not a morning person in any case. She kept coming over. Finally, after I’d been up until 6 AM and was ready to go to sleep, she came over one time too many. I looked out the peephole, and there she was again, apparently ready to settle in for a good complaint or gossip session. I went over to my husband’s gun rack, got down his biggest rifle, and opened the door with it in my hands. She was ringing on the doorbell steadily., and then stepped back when she saw me in my undies (I didn’t bother to throw on a muumuu this time) with that BIG rifle in my hand. Her eyes goggled. I said “What’s the matter? Sounds like there’s an emergency.” No, no…nothing the matter…oh, she just remembered that she had another appointment elsewhere…and she scampered off. She never rang my doorbell or phoned me again.

I’ve been told by other neighbors that she was absolutely scandalized by my behavior, and is terrified of meeting me again. Since she used to waylay me whenever I went into or out of my house, I considered this a desirable outcome. Next time the missionaries come to my door, I think I’m gonna try it again.

17

Lynn, you are my hero. Will that be milk chocolate or dark?

18

Lynn that was priceless! I think I’m gonna be giggly over it all day.

I may have this made into a sampler. Or maybe it’ll be what my Christmas card says this year. Maybe that’ll make people quit bitchin’ at me for not answering the damn phone. It’s genetic with me. My mother may or may not answer her phone. My sister and my brothers may or may not answer their phones. If it’s a call from my mother or sister or one of the brothers, I call back. They do the same. If it’s a friend I want to talk to or if I feel like the message on the machine needs my attention, I will call back. The only time I consistently answer my phone is when I’m on call for work. Even then, I can look at the caller ID and know whether or not it’s work related. Get over it people! I ain’t answering the phone just cause it’s you. Matter of fact, some of you should have it figured out by now that I will never answer a call from you or return a call to you because, I JUST PLAIN DAMN DO NOT LIKE YOU!

As to people ringing my front door bell, I know you’re not somebody I want to talk to because people I like and welcome into my home come into the garage and ring the kitchen door bell.

Bites When Provoked I like the disconnected doorbell idea. I’m gonna do that to my front door bell.

19

It is nice to see there are others like me around. Once I had a neighbor who saw me leaving for work in the morning. She ran over (fluffy slippers/bathrobe) to let me know that my doorbell was not working. She saw a salesman pushing it and getting no responsre the previous evening, yet she knew I was home since she saw my arrival just minutes before this.

I told her that I knew my doorbell did not work, and that I did not see callers unannounced. I do not think she understood.

20

Jaayz woman, that was freakin’ awesome.
And Lissa, that was one of the better written and worthwhile complaints I’ve read in awhile and on this matter you’ll find me completely in your corner. We’ve a neighbor Mom that has in the past just opened up our door, our back fucking family member only door, and walked in and admittedly my first thought was “Foot, meet camel toe”. Jeez people, have a little dedgum respect for and common sense about other folks right to privacy.