Listen people, I love you all. It is a pleasure to see you, really, but let’s be honest: it is not ALWAYS a pleasure to see you. You see, sometimes I am taking a crap, sometimes I am walking around the house in my birthday suit, sometimes my husband and I are doing the nasty, sometimes I am breastfeeding my child, sometimes I am watching that TV show I have been waiting for weeks, sometimes I am taking a well-deserved and much-needed nap, sometimes I do not frigging want to see other humans. Got it? No?
How about this? If you do not call me beforehand and I don’t tell you it’s OK, that’s your cue, don’t drop by. If you do call me beforehand and I don’t tell you it’s OK, that’s your cue, don’t drop by. If you call beforehand and I don’t answer then phone, that’s your cue, don’t drop by. Moreover, if you still decide to drop by, because you are immune to clues, do not fucking bring other people with you, especially people I have never fucking seen before in my entire fucking life.
Now, because I am nice I will make it easier for you: do unto me exactly as I do unto you.
Thank you in advance for your understanding and cooperation.
Don’t let them in your house. Stand in the doorway, say, “Sorry, I’m busy now, how about later?”, smile, and close the door in their faces. It’s harsh, but if they’re your friends they’ll understand, and if they aren’t then fuck’em.
Remember - they’re the ones who are being rude. They have no right to complain if you respond in kind.
Maybe a little sign on the door saying ‘visits by appointment only’ or at least ‘do not disturb, mother and baby asleep’? Or not answering the door at all?
If this is the serial offender you have mentioned in the past, who sounds as if she isn’t capable of taking even the most unsubtle of hints, you really need to tell her firmly and politely that enough is enough.
I don’t even enjoy unexpected phone calls. I’m a text-message fiend, to the point that if a friend actually calls me, I’m like, “I’m not going to answer that! Don’t they know I don’t actually TALK on my phone? Why didn’t they text me? So that I could text them back when it suits me?”
Friends of mine have actually “snuck” (is it “snuck” or " sneaked?") into my backyard, just to rap on my bedroom window. In the hope that I’ll be hospitable enough to get up and let them in.
I don’t like it, and I have to be in a pretty good mood to put up with it.
They should’ve called.
And if they called, and nobody answered, take the hint. If they knock, and nobody answered, take the hint.
My thing is, I bartend. So I go to bed between 5 and 8 in the morning. I may sleep til 4 or 5. Just because I’m asleep at two in the afternoon doesn’t mean I’m “fair game.” It doesn’t mean you should just “go ahead and wake her up.” Like I’m some kind of pathetic slug who just sleeps for fourteen hours a day. I don’t get any more sleep than the average human being. I just get it at odd hours. If you can’t respect that, fuck off.
One of these days I’m going to call them at like four in the morning. Incessantly. Til they pick up the phone out of pure frustration.
And I’m going to say, “HEY! IT’S AUDREY! I WANT TO GO EAT! WHAT ARE YOU DOING STILL ASLEEP?”
Fuck that. I own very little at this point in my life, but my time off is one of the exceptions. Don’t fuck with it.
I hear ya, I probably hate it more than anyone I know. I’m the type that doesn’t feel obligated to answer the phone or the door if I’m not expecting it, and quite often I don’t. If it’s important - leave a message.
Howsabout 4) Older folks were raised in a time where dropping in was more socially acceptable.
I swear, I just don’t get it. If a friend of mine drops in to say hello, the television and my computer game can go fuck themselves, because I like my friends. If I’m really busy with something I can’t drop I can easily do as Alessan said and let them know it’s a bad time. It’s really not all that hard.
But then, I have very antiquated notions about personal interaction and relationships.
In my experience in the DR, Mighty Girl has a better chance of growing wings and flying to Gibraltar than she does of stopping the just-dropping-by practice. It amazes me, every time I’m there, the parade of people that just drop by, especially after word gets around that we’re in town. These are all nice people, I love 'em, but geeze!!
I see your side of this issue, andros. There are friends, though, and then there are friends. I would drop anything and be happy to see any of my family and a few close friends. The casual friends, and I think aquaintance would be a better word here, I’m not so excited to have show up unexpectedly. I have coworkers, classmates, and people who share my hobbies with whom I am friendly. We go out to lunch together, share company at events, and such. I suppose, in a less specific way, I would even call them friends, but I would expect some sort of notice before they just showed up on my doorstep.
For ONCE it wasn’t her. Which is worse, as it just only demonstrates that my entirely family is not much better.
I have heard that this is the same in all Latin America. That and the fact that we are genetically incapable of electing anyone that isn’t a either a crook or a cretin (or both) has me on the verge of coming undone.
I have come to believe that maybe I will have to show at the door “as I am” when people drop by, maybe they will get a hint (you know, like with my pants down and my butt unwiped, or both my husband and I naked and sweaty). Or maybe they won’t.
I have some friends exactly like that. I have tried to politely suggest, ever more firmly just when they are leaving, that it would be much more convenient TO THEM if they would call first next time. Since they are never in my neighborhood unless they have planned the 200-mile trip first, it cannot be a casual thing with them, but they seem to never take the hint. They think it’s more nice to “casually” drop by, I guess. And, sadly, the times they have showed up, I actually have been available to talk (not in my birthday suit, otherwise occupied, etc.) but I just resent the forced taking of a random chunk of my day and disruption of whatever task is on my mind at the time.
Flying to Gibraltar will not help her because it happens there too.
Is it really a Latin thing, or just a ‘rude and thoughtless people’ thing? The worst argument I’ve had with my Dominican husband was over such an incident. Sunday morning at home, I hadn’t showered and was wearing my nightie (read: t shirt, panties, no bra). I was sitting on the floor playing with my 1 year old son. Without any warning, one of my SILs and her then husband descend on us. I greeted them from my seated position, very self conscious about my unshowered state and skimpy attire. When they had left, hubby had a go at me for ‘not greeting them properly’. :mad:
It used to happen to me in the UK too, but come to think of it the main offender was French. That’s sort of Latin.
To the “Don’t write, don’t call, don’t drop by” contingent (with whom I am largely sympathetic, BTW): make sure you are EXPLICIT about your habits, or well meaning people who see your car in the drive and get no answer are likely to suspect that something bad has happened to you and try all the harder to contact you.
Unequal privacy needs among friends do not always equal assholery.
You may wish to consider the possibility that you’re a nutjob.
Count me as a person who thinks unexpected visitors are mildly rude, but doesn’t get too worked up about it. I don’t feel guilty about ignoring the doorbell if I’m not in the mood, but most of the time I’m perfectly willing to answer the door and chat with a friend, even if they’re technically being rude by dropping in unannounced. I gather some of you folks just get angry about unexpected guests on principle, whether you’re in the mood to see anyone or not. To each his own, I guess.
