Do you "drop by" to visit your family and friends?

In My Humble Opinion
1

Hi guys! :slight_smile:

On TV shows, people are often dropping by to visit friends and family. They don’t phone before going – they just drop by.

I realize that the “drop by” on TV shows can be a device that allows for unexpected plot twists that couldn’t happen if someone phoned first. But do people do this in real life? I don’t know anybody does, but I’m sure that there are individual and cultural differences.

If someone visits me without first calling, there’s more than just a slight chance that I won’t be home. I could be doing one of thousands of activities that I (and many other people) do away from their home.

Do the visitors treat the outing as a Plan A/B event: If they are home, that’s fine; if not, we’ll do something else? Is the *drop by * more likely in smaller towns where the trip is short, and where people might have a better idea of other people’s habits? Is it a given that friends and family drop by on special occasions and holidays? If you drop by to visit and the people are not at home, what do you do?

Also, a slight different point: Sometimes on a TV show, a person arrives at home and is met by a friend or family member who has been waiting outside, possibly for hours. Seems strange to me. Does this type of thing actually happen?

Anyway, just wondering.

2

Nope, I would never just ‘drop in’ on someone. By the same token, I expect people to let me know ahead of time if they are coming to see me.

3

My in-laws drop by with no warning all the time, and we do so to them as well. But I’d never dream of doing it to my parents, who would be shocked and appalled. It’s a surprisingly wide etiquette gap for two couples who are remarkably similar in other ways.

4

In RL, the unannounced visitor puts one at a disadvantage, they may have had other plans than entertaining guests. It’s not like people need to leave calling cards, but it’s rude, even if no one realizes it.

5

I don’t, but people do drop by and visit me.

6

No. I don’t like to be dropped in on, and I figure most people feel the same.

I think it happens on TV for the reasons you stated – as a plot point, or because it slows things down if they show someone calling first.

I might drop in for a minute, to return a borrowed DVD or something, but I wouldn’t expect to be invited in.

7

No. I used to when I was young and more naive. I thought people enjoyed such visits. I am older and much wiser now and I call ahead.

8

No, I don’t ever drop by. Now that I have a cell phone, if I am in the neighborhood, I might call and say hi I am in the neighborhood, which sometimes results in an invitation.

My grandmother used to drop by until she got tired of me answering the door in a hastily thrown on robe still panting from sex with my new hubby. After a couple times of that, she learned to call first.

College friends dropped by at times, but they did not seem to mind the hastily thrown on robe.

9

If I don’t wander uninvited into my parents for a 72 hour stretch, I get an “are you OK?” phone call. Not through them being the worrying kind, but just because they want to know where I am.

Overseas relatives are open house, unless expressed otherwise (which is done when necessary and isn’t an insult). Phone call or email saying “I’ve found a great fare if I fly out on X and back on Y”, and if it’s OK, green light. Of course, you take them out for at least one meal and help out in the house to make sure they’re not feeling like they’re “entertaining” for the week or whatever. And for the ones with kids, you become default childminder for the week, too.

10

I do. Mostly if I’m in the neighborhood and said friend doesn’t have a phone (I’m thinking of one person in particular) but I’ll also do it with my parents.

Most of my friends and I aren’t the “drop in” types, but that one friend I don’t really get to talk to unless I drop in. I usually preface it with “Dude, you busy?” She usually says either “Nah, come on in,” or “Now’s probably not a good time.” My parents, well, I have a key to their house. I don’t think they care, so long as I leave some soda for them.

For the most part, I call in advance - if I can. But like I said, I do have friends that don’t have a phone. It happens.

~Tasha

11

I live in a small town, and know a lot of people. Yes, I am dropped in on quite often, and drop in to see other people as well. Oftentimes to drop off/pick up item, or kid, or something. You either answer your door or you don’t, and they either invite you in, or they don’t. Not a big deal. When it happens often, it doesn’t seem that odd, and everyone knows the drill. Yeah, you get the windbags every once in a while, but you can get rid of them easy enough.

The expectations are lower, I don’t expect to be “entertained” by the hostess with the mostess, rather just a quick hello, I was driving by and I remembered __________.

12

I think it’s a small town thing. Like dahfisheroo says, the “drop by” thing is very casual, and you figure out right away if the person is busy or not.

We do it more with relatives than anyone else. Then again, it’s not like we have a large group of non-related friends. Another small town thing.

It’s not an all the time or everybody thing, either. My mother tends to call before she drops by, though she’ll often only call when she’s on the way. Friday and Saturdays tend to be prime drop-by times, because everyone assumes you’re hanging out having a beer and would like company.

The other factor that plays in is that in a small town, it’s never out of the way to drop in. When was living in a larger area, friends and family were usually a 20-40 minute drive away. You don’t just “drop by” in that situation. Nowadays, we have several friends/ family members who are less than a 2 minute drive from us. If you drop by their homes and there’s nobody there or their busy, it’s no biggy. Just go home, or stop by later in the day. Lots different than spending 30 minutes in a car driving across town in traffic.

13

I don’t open my door for anyone I’m not expecting, even if it’s someone I know. If they get offended, I have the “I was sleeping, you know I work nights” excuse. I’m usually hanging about in a Tshirt and underwear (no bra or pants), and the house is cluttered. I liked to be prepared for visitors. I think it’s rude to “drop by” someone’s house, and I wouldn’t do it to anyone I know.

14

I think this is a cultural change. When I was young, in the 40’s and 50’s it was acceptable to drop by unannounced. Even in the 70’s, when I lived in rural Ms. it was common practice. I would rarely do it today, only if I was well aquainted and knew the people wouldn’t mind. I don’t like drop ins, but I make exceptions for certain people.

15

Never with friends, but all the time with close family. Any of them would be confused if I knocked on their doors, let alone called ahead to announce my arrival. At my mom’s she expects me to let myself in and hang out until she gets back if she’s not home. Same with my grandparents, come on in and shout “Helllloooo!” when you hit the door.

16

Regional as well as cultural, I’d say. ‘Y’all come to see us’ wasn’t always just a hokey ‘Hee Haw’ phrase. It was a genuine invitation to drop by, any time (within reason, of course).

It was common when I was young (60s and 70s, rural GA), and still is among family and friends my age and older. Most of us live within 5-10 mins. drive of one another, and we’ve done it for so long that it’s become rather a tradition that many of us cling to. Unless they just wanted to check to see if I was at home, for their own convenience, I’d feel odd if my relatives or friends called before stopping by. We did, though, finally convince my grandparents (sometime in the 80s) to start locking their doors at night and when they left the house.

It seems to me that the cultural change happened (or at least became more pronounced) with the technological explosion of the 80s. Before everybody had a cellphone, we didn’t really expect each other to waste dimes and quarters on pay phones just checking to see if we were at home. Nor did we have such a huge assortment of gadgetry designed to fill our every waking moment with…something we didn’t want to be disturbed at.

I’m middle-aged with small children. There ain’t much we’re likely to be doing that can’t be put aside for a pleasant visit with friends. Tomorrow I’ll be raking the yard. If you feel energetic, feel free to drop by. You don’t even have to call.

You will stay for dinner, won’t you?

And you kids with your fancy cellular picture-music-phones, get off my lawn.

17

Yeah, what **Athena ** and **Roonwit ** said.

My family is from rural South Carolina, and when I was growing up (I’m 36), it would’ve been highly unusual to call folks before dropping in on them. Of course, this was a town where we were related to…well, just about everyone and, as **Roonwit ** said, there wasn’t an assortment of gagdetry that might occupy people’s time to the point where they might feel burdened by guests. And whenever I travel back home today, I still drop in on people without calling. Great way to get fed, by the way! :smiley:

Up North, though, where, as **Athena ** pointed out, people don’t tend to be so geographically close, I don’t do it. My mother (who is also up North) lives in another state, a hundred miles from me, so it’s not likely that I would just drop in anyway, even though I have a key to her house and can do so at my heart’s content. If I know I’m going to be in town for a day or two, I’ll let her know so that she won’t be startled, especially if she knows that my brother is already in the house, and she hears the key turning in the lock. (Makes sense, too, I think, considering that my brother loves his gun and knows perfectly well how to use it.) :wink:

Having said that, unless someone is a very dear friend, I wouldn’t want folks to just drop in on me, and even then, I might appreciate a “hey, I’m in the neighborhood…” phone call (and that presumes that I even feel like talking on the phone). Then again, people who know me well know that, most times, I really have to be in the mood to deal with people, (damn these misanthropic/loner tendencies of mine!), so they’d be likely to call and check before coming by.

18

My B and SIL pulled the pop-in on us over the summer. My house looked like a fuckin’ cyclone hit it. Hate the pop-in. I don’t do it and I don’t appreciate it being done to me.

19

Basically no, but the exception is neighbors when you need something. If I need something from a neighbor (I live in an apartment building) it would be silly to call instead of just knocking on their door. As I’m friendly with my neighbors, I’ll stay for a few minutes and chat too. I don’t know if that actually counts as a “drop-by” though.

20

No, I don’t. But then, with a cell phone, you don’t need to. You can at least give a bit of a warning.

I’ve had one friend who used to drop in; she lived next door, and sometimes when I’d get home from work, she’d come over. “I saw your light come on.” But I’ve since moved, so we plan ahead now.