For the last time, I am NOT a satanist!

The BBQ Pit
1

I heard from a third party you called my music Satanic and that I was a Satanist.

Firstly, I’m not even Christian. I do not believe in the Christian god or any other god for that matter. It seems logical that for one to believe in Satan, one must believe in the Christian god. I don’t see how one would work without the other. Standing on the outside of Christianity, I don’t even view Satanism as a viable religion. In fact, I view Satanic images, music and slogans as being easy, pop-bubblegum shock value propaganda 14 year old kids play on their parents and teachers as a form of rebellion. Or perhaps not rebellion but puberty (which we all know IS a form of demonic possession). Never the less, I’m well above that age.

Secondly, I don’t recall EVER writing a song about Satan or his smelly minions. I also don’t recall writing a song telling people to worship Satan’s cartoonesque Legion of Doom. That said, I don’t recall ever writing a song about God or Jesus either. Why? Because it is a moot point for me.

I have written about people being in a personal hell before. Songs about people being tortured and tormented by their own hand or another humans. But this has nothing to do with Christianity. It has to do with human nature. Metaphors and all that…

Besides, how many Satanists would write an album dedicated to evil and debauchery using piano and clarinet as their main instrumentation? Yes, that’s right you dumb mother fucker. We Satanists are leaking in and infecting the youth of today with our classic jazz sounds. The clarinet is just a metaphor of the devils intestinal disruptions about to explode in your face for the rest of eternity. When I sing the lyric “we all enjoy a moment of peace”, what I really mean is “Bow down to the great and powerful SATAN you worthless puny human for he is the one true god of pain and sorrow and he will show you the way down the river of fire into the kingdom of death where he will pick the flesh from your bones and forever anally rape your soul… bwa-ha-ha.”

plays jazzy riff on the clarinet only to stop momentarily to stick out my tongue and make the universal sign of the beast with my hand

Yup. You got me all figured out Church Lady. Jazz spelled backwards is Zzaj, which we all know is code for, hmmmm? I dunno? Perhaps… SAAAAAAATAN!

Every time you say I’m Satanic to someone who knows me, you just come across sounding like a retarded Quaker with a brain tumor. People who know me know I have no involvement with any religion.

Look shitfuck, if you don’t like me, fine. If you don’t like my music, whatever. I do not care. But don’t drag me into your religion. Just say “Seven’s a jerk and I think his music sucks.” It’s as easy as that. It’s ok to not like me or my music. You don’t have to justify it with religion. You don’t have to try and convince others to dislike me by involving the devil. And if you MUST make something up, at least be creative. Come up with something good. Here, let me show you…

Perhaps I’ll write a song called “Capt NAMBLA” and dedicate it to you on the next CD. Or sign you up for the NAMBLA newsletter and give your churches address.

See how creative that is? I turned you into a dirty, filthy pedophile with just a few words. Come on man, Satanism is so trite. You can do better then that. I think Jesus would want you to do better.

If you’re going to stick with the Satanic genre, could you at least tell people I kill puppies or something? Drum it up a bit?

“That’s not REALLY a marimba. He’s playing the whitened skulls of the babies he killed in the name of SAAAAAAAAAAATAN!”

2

Get thee behind me!

(oh, I see from your location you’re already there; carry on).

3

So, you’re a satanist, then? I’m still a little unclear.

In the halcyon days of college undergrad days, I used to keep my clock radio on the “Christian music” channel for the alarm–because of how godawful that genre actually was (take dull radio rock that never made it to any top 40, then suck the energy out of it to give it a sort of cringing vibe), it was a motivator to actually get up and not hit the snooze bar, in order to avoid hearing more of it.

4

Stryper :eek:

5

Well, what ELSE would a Satanist use? A Piano-Acordian?? :smiley:

6

“I have heard the sounds of the beast and they are the sounds of classic jazz stylings”

-Revelations

How odd to think that a fundamentalist is being judgemental and narrow minded. You should burn an upside down cross in your forehead just to really piss her off.

7

No. What you heard from a third party is that said third party said the other individual said that. You have no proof that the other individual did say that. What you do have proof of, on the other hand, is that the third party is a rumormonger.

Advice I got from a friend many, many years ago: Don’t take action on rumor.

8

Have you confronted Church Lady yet? If so, let us know how the fireworks went.

You said you heard it secondhand. Is it possible the person heard it wrong?

9

Monty’s advice is good. Take it.

Nice rant, though.

10

“We have found a Satanist! May we burn him?”

11

Upside cross=Cross of St. Peter, who was crucified upside down.

An upside down crucifix is Satanic.

BTW, who is this person? What is their relation to you?

12

Been done, or close to it, and by the Best Band Ever:

The Midnight NAMBLA.

13

So, is it true that in that quick riff in the third song, the clarinetist has to, like, mate with a demon to get that “just so” timbre?

14

Okay, stop beating around the bush Seven, are you a satanist or not?

15

I read the thread title too quickly and thought it said, “For the last time, I am not a satirist!”, so I was confused.

So, Guin, what’s the difference between a cross and a crucifix? Is it that the crucifix has the Jesus statue on it?

16

Piano and clarinet duets the act of Satan? I think not. Try Banjo and Accordian duets Hell, they are really a pretty cool band.

17

Of course you’re a Satanist. Every person who was a member of this board two years ago realizes that Satan promotes rock music. He’s writing for Columbus Alive currently – one of his reviews (for Heathen’s Holiday, ironically) can be found here. (You need to page down for it.)

18

Yes. A crucifix is the form of Jesus on the cross. A cross is just the shape itself-the crucifix is a statue of Christ on the cross.

Of course, as a child, I had a cross with Jesus on it-but it wasn’t a crucifix-he was plain clothed-it was of the Resurrection.

19

Now see, I always thought it was a giant phallic symbol. And you shore have a purty mouth.

There are evidently quite a few Zzaj cds on the market. The Lord is my shepherd…

20

Really evil ones.