I miss being with someone, in a small town, in the mountains.
I miss people starring at us because we’re straingers in town. I miss holding hands and walking up main street, laughing and so in love, we see no one. I miss hiking up a very tall mountain, but knowing that you are safe because his arms are holding you. I miss going to the BEST restaurant in town and looking into each others eye’s, while drinking wine. And most of all, I miss that night, and all the night’s we laid in each others arms, making love, with only stars in our eye’s. Yes, time does move on, but how can we forget the things we miss…
Here’s a brain damaged story. On May 22, 1991, I met my first long term girlfriend, which ended badly, I’ll spare the details. Fast forward: on May 22, 2001, ten years later to the day, I hooked up with a girl at the bar where my band is playing a residency. I took her home, and all seemed perfect. As I got to know her, details came up. Like the fact that she’s married but separated and had an 18 month old son. I love that she’s got a kid, and as long as the separated husband stays there, no problem. But twas not to be. I spent five perfect evenings with this girl, then she vanished. I called her today, and she told me she is reuniting with her husband. I agree with that, for their child’s sake. He should be able to grow up with both of his parents, and if they can work their differences out, then it’s all good. For them. I’m pretty upset, and unsure about how to handle it. I mean, I really clicked with this woman, and she broke it off with me to go back to the guy with whom she already separated once. Which is why I’m dead drunk now (natch).
But that’s life in the big city, right? My current plan is to keep on denying to myself that I’m hurting, and hope that I can continue to believe it. And to all you other toiling singles: you’re way better than you think. If you can live with yourself, you’ve got a leg up on all those people who go from one relationship directly to the next because they can’t bear to be alone. You’re strong; savor the flavor, because it is a strength.
I don’t miss wondering how on earth I’m going to pay the bills since he’s decided yet again that his bosses are facist monkeyfuckers and he shouldn’t have to put up with it.
I don’t miss listening to him try to justify why he should be able to sleep around but I shouldn’t because that would upset him.
I don’t miss his esoteric, masturbatory taste in music and his complete inability to just have music playing in the background (as opposed to pretending like every CD is a once-in-a-lifetime live concert that must have your complete and total attention).
I don’t miss shoring up his self-esteem and trying to figure out what would make enough difference for him to actually get his life together, decide on some goals and start working for them.
I don’t miss him calling me at work four and five times a day because he’s bored and slacking off and doesn’t want to work.
I don’t miss his occasionl casually tossed out barbs that hurt so badly, I’d have to leave the room.
. . .
I do miss the kissing, the holding, the hugging, the snuggling, and the sex. Great Ogly-Mogly, how I miss the sex.
I do miss the feeling of belonging, of being part of a relationship.
I do miss having someone to care about, someone to do nice things for, someone to turn to when I had a bad day.
Okay, now I’m lonesome. sigh
…is that the ladies can hurt just as badly as the guys, but some of us are so friggin’ gun-shy that everybody dreads “gettin’ back in the saddle”, if you’ll pardon me goin’ western on y’all! 
So what’s the answer, kids?
Let me be the first to come right out and say that some of these posts have really “reached” me, and I wonder what this or that lady might be like. But then I think to myself, “Shit, look how much baggage you’re carrying around already! Nobody’s gonna wanna be around you till you straighten your act up, Dumb-ass!” So I guess I need a little more “time in grade” before I’m ready. And that’s where I pay tribute to Jaybirdman’s post. Yep, we do have to be strong. And I think we can be strong for each other here cause it sucks being alone. And , as dantheman told me over on ATMB, as long as you’re on the 'net you’re never alone.
Didn’t mean to get so wordy. 
Quasi
Ginkgo–Oh, mine would apologize alright. In fact, she’d apologize so abjectly that I’d feel like a Class-A shit and apologize for making her feel so bad. And she damn well knew that would happen, too…which I guess would be a whole 'nother thing I don’t miss.
Re your divorce–you can force the issue, you know.
JBirdman12 said:
Look, I don’t mean to make light of your feelings…but I was married for a hint over eight years, and engaged for several years before that, and you are wrecked over a five-DAY relationship?
Quasimodem said:
I personally listen to a lot of country music nowadays. And…the longer I go without someone the less it bothers me, and the more of a loner I become. Maybe that’s the answer, at least for me.
The thing that tears me up about this whole thread, is that, quite frankly, I’m in the middle of nowhere as far as Dopers go! Ya know, its nice having this board and bein’ able to talk ta ya’ll, but it’d be even more fun if all of us could get together IRL. I know that we Dopers do try to get together when we can, but it’d be nice if allus Dopers could meet easily. I mean several of you babes sound like ones I could easily hook-up with and have a nice LTR with, but tain’t none of you close enough for me to even think about that! Grrr! Grrr! Grrr!
Sorry, just had to get that off my chest. Did just have a thought. Perhaps someone (Not I! I have neither the skills nor the time to do it.) could set up a national Dopers convention! You know, so that those of us who could afford to make the pilgrimage to Mecca - er, Chicago could all meet up (again, not I, don’t have the money to do so).
Honest, and for true, there has to be a way out of this “mess” that most of us have found ourselves in. I know we’d all much rather be alone than have some psycho-dirtbag in our lives, but hey! We’re Dopers, damn it! And Dopers need love too! It would be nice if all of us could find another Doper to love! That way, we’d all be certain that the person we were with could actually rub too brain cells together!
And finally, GingerOfTheNorth, what part of Canada?
Make that “two brain cells together!”
(Curses to self angrily about posting so late when its way past his bedtime, knowing that he did preview the damn thread and still missed the stupid mistake.)
"Once more unto the breach, dear friends! Once more!.."
Sorry, Tuckerfan, but you just stirred up my Henry V fire and it just *had * to come out!
Quasi
MysterEcks - Re: forcing the issue with regard to the divorce. Yeah, I know I can do it. If I took it to trial I’d have to make it a no holds barred, steel cage death-match type of production. I have the ability to significantly damage her socially, professionally, and financially. I don’t want to do that, for my peace of mind and for the sake of our daughter. I’d take my lumps during the proceeding also. We’ve reached an uneasy truce - it seems as if things are getting ready to wind down (though I’ve been wrong before).
What I do miss about being married? Having someone I care deeply for to whom I can be nice for no special reason. Someone who can brighten my mood with just the sound of her voice.
Nope, can’t say I “miss” anything, as there really hasn’t been much to miss. 
I hate having never been in a serious emotional relationship. I don’t even want sex, just a relationship. Arrgh.
remember what your parents always told you about not eating all your food, ‘there are starving people in china.’ well, there are relationship starved dopers in canada, and we here in the states shouldn’t take that for granted. i am not going to sit here and take it anymore! single doper women of az, i offer my services to you.
Me too, I sudenly feel even more inadequate and miserable than before.
sighs and nods to vengeance and dust and Pushkin Join the club… I know I’m just 18 but I rarely get the chance to go out (I do volunteer and stuff like that but I don’t meet many guys) and I’ve never been in any kind of a relationship… be it a teenage fling or a serious emotional one. There is a guy I like but I’m shy
I want to experience guy hugs and being kissed and the intimacy that a normal relationship should have. I mean… I have had guy hugs from friends but… I want to truly snuggle with someone.
What do I miss? What do I miss?
I don’t know, I’m just so darned happy being single at this particular moment, nothing comes to mind.
Oh, I know! Kissing! I love to kiss. Kissing is so great! I miss kissing.
I used to miss lots of other stuff, but the relationship sucked so bad after a while that I realized, I didn’t have too much of the “other stuff” any more anyway!
Once again, I can only quote my wise old Aunt Ida, who told me, “It’s better to BE alone than to wish you were.”
Quasi, no offense taken! Would that I could borrow Will’s quill, or Twain’s “pen warmed up in hell” for a few moments! Here we are, some of the brightest people on the planet (hopefully), and we’re all in the same boat! There’s a solution all of this, and we’re just not using our heads! I’ve got a couple I’ll toss out here, and anyone else who’s got an idea, feel free to throw yours out as well! [slapping on pirate’s hat] We’ll hijack this thread, and toss those who try and stop us to the sharks!
For one thing, we need a “Doper’s advice thread.” This’ll allow us to post freely (without worrying someone won’t see our post, etc., etc.) and everyone can help and learn from one another. (Huh? I don’t care if it’ll overload the server! We’ll take another server by force if we have to!) Then someone, and I’m giving away a moneymaking idea here, folks, needs to start a net dating service for geeks. (Yeah, I know that there’s one out there that claims to be for geeks but it really ain’t.) Next, we all gotta go to Dopefests. Yeah, I know, you may not meet the person of your dreams there, but you’ll meet someone, and they may just happen to know someone who’d be perfect for you. (Or, hell, you might even be lucky enough to get your waitperson to come with you, and they turn out to be your soul mate!) We should also give everyone a copy of Unca Cecil’s books whenever we can. Not only will it make him richer, but it’ll help spread the word about this place, hopefully encouraging other people to join the board and thus making it easier for us to meet a SO here. Finally, and this is the toughtest one of all, we gotta spend more time interacting with people IRL. For most of us, that’s the only way we’ll probably meet someone.
(removes pirate hat and quietly steps down from his soapbox, wondering if the crew will rally to his cry or hang him from the mizzen mast by his short arm)
What do I miss most about having a girlfriend? It’s been so long, I am sure rose colored lens are now in play, but I miss…The talks about just things in general, maybe after intimacy, maybe just relaxing on the couch. I miss the cuddling on the couch. I miss washing her back, and then her washing mine in the shower. Do I miss the sex? Yes, but I miss the other things a bit more.
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by MysterEcks *
**JBirdman12 said:
Look, I don’t mean to make light of your feelings…but I was married for a hint over eight years, and engaged for several years before that, and you are wrecked over a five-DAY relationship?**
[QUOTE]
No, no, no. I was upset over something that had happened that day. Tell me, MisterEcks, have you ever fumed over something that happened to you, something that anybody else would consider insignifigant? Of course you have. Everyone does. And that’s all right. I’m not wrecked over what happened to me. I was distraught when it happened. The post I wrote was barely four hours after the fact. So let’s look at it in its proper perspective. This was someone I really clicked with, and now I’m probably never going to see her again. I was unhappy about it in the immediate aftermath, which I think is completely understandable. I understand the difference between a short fling and a long term relationship, having had more than a few of both. Perhaps I didn’t explain this clearly enough in my original post.
**Quasimodem–**props to you. You got the point of what I was saying, and I appreciate that.
No, JBirdman12, I never fume over anything insignificant. I don’t get upset about little things. I don’t sweat the small stuff…HEY! YOU MISSPELLED MY NAME, YOU ROTTEN SON OF A BITCH! I HOPE A PIANO FALLS ON YOU AND YOU BURN IN HELL…er, I don’t get angry, is what I was saying.
Can you define “Canada”?
I’ve been “Bill in the Buff” for a time (Buffalo, NY, you pervs), but this Miami thing may be hard to shake. How’s about you become GingerOfTheSouth and we compare tan lines in December?
Sounds like a lot of folks had crappy relations they are mentioning here. Being a guy who hasn’t had a relationship since the 90’s, I miss waking up next to the one I love (loved?.. will love?). Sleeping knowing she’s there next to me. I miss touching her at any time of day, I’m a toucher, apparently. A hand on the shoulder, brushing the cheek, smoothing the hair. I miss the smile that says a hundred words, and the squeeze that says three words.
That, plus the blowjobs.