Did you ever see Boxing Helena?
I’m not. My point is just that it is something you can build by doing an activity over and over again.
DougC is correct. You tend to hang out with people who at least tollerate your particular vices and habbits. If you are just looking to hook up, you go to places like bars and clubs with other people who are just looking to hook up. People who don’t like that scene tend to be all like “that place is such a meat market :mad:” while people who do like it are like “that place is a meat market!! :D”
The problem as I see it is if you want a long-term steady relationship, it’s tough to find that in the one-night stand bar scene since you will tend to attract people who are just into one-night stands.
Wonderful. You’re within a month of my age and clearly grew up in the same city asme, and yet I didn’t know you, biblically or otherwise, in your active phase. I’ve also known Odin had it in for me.
See, I see it from the other way as Doug. An athlete actually HAS skill/talent/ability. Self-confidence can be easily faked. (At least until the one-night stand turns into a relationship - at that point it becomes fairly obvious how pathetic one really is.)
'Cause it seems to me that if you’re sleeping around a lot, some place deep inside your psyche is getting a big dose of self-validation from it. To the point that, at some juncture, going out and getting a piece becomes the only way to massage that ego. I expect you’d get addicted to putting notches in your belt. And THAT means that you really don’t have all that much in the self-esteem reservoir.
Yeah at least that particular pathetic validation seeking low self esteem loser is getting laid! 
People sleep around for different reasons. Some of it probably is validation. Feeling that you are attractive to the opposite sex is a powerful motivator. Others just don’t like the commitment of having someone to answer to. And others might just not have found that special someone yet. I don’t know, I’m not a psychiatrist.
What I do know is that we as humans have powerful drivers to get laid. I also think it’s better to be a pathetic loser who gets some than a pathetic loser who doesn’t.
It’s not that hard really, if you’re into that kind of thing. I haven’t slept with lots and lots of women, but I do pretty well. I went through a slut phase, which thankfully didn’t last that long, when I finally got over my long-persisting shyness. There are a few people from that time I regret doing anything with but it wasn’t too long until I started getting more selective. If you want to get laid all the time, lower your standards; if you want quality over quantity, figure out what else besides looks are important.
The really gorgeous girls are usually not going to sleep with you unless you’re really something special or you find a way through the defenses they’ve built up from being hit on since they were 12. That’s not impossible, but you’d better be able to convince them that you’re not wasting their time. It’s usually a better idea to concentrate on the friends of the really hot one. Usually, they’ve got better personalities than the super-hottie anyway.
Being a gay man or a straight woman is, as others said, a sure-fire way to boost your numbers. If I were gay, my “score” would probably be 3 or 4 times what it is now. I was a late bloomer and the friend who helped me finally break out of my shell was gay. Every time I went to a party with my gay friends I’d notice the phenomenon I dubbed the “Chum in the Water Effect.” Young guy in decent shape, a bit shy still, intelligent and witty (according to reports), and “He’s straight?!” adds up to a very appealing package. I always got guys giving me their phone numbers, inviting me to go out, etc. Groups help too. Attending an orgy or swap party will pretty much guarantee multiple partners. Accepting a few of those bathhouse invitations would have doubled my current total, I’m sure.
Confidence is key. I got over my shyness through a combination of growing maturity and being hit on by gay guys. I realized that even if only half the complements were true, the same qualities that made me attractive to gay men were probably attractive to straight women. Armed with that knowledge, I was able to feel more confident, and that made me more attractive to most women, which led to more social success, which led to better confidence. It helps to get over failures and weird situations where someone seems to dislike you for no particular reason too.
I don’t do well in really noisy places. I need to talk to get anywhere. I can pick up at a club, but usually only if there’s a quieter place in the club to talk. Without talking it comes down to a looks contest, and there are better-looking, taller, more in-shape guys than me, who can dance better than I can, at most clubs. I had no idea who Jeffries was until a couple of years ago. I checked out some related sites out of curiosity and found that the conversational strategies they espouse are not too different from what I’ve almost always done. I pay attention and try to be a good listener. I ask questions to find out what kind of person she is and what qualities are appealing to her. I don’t just ask about interests, I try to find out what makes her interested in those things.
The difference for me is that I didn’t have to practice the sincerity; that’s just my personality. If you’re genuinely interested in her and focus on her, that makes her feel special and wanted, and that’s going to mean that there’s much more of a chance for further intimacy. Just be careful not to become her therapist or friend. I used to fall into those traps a lot when I was just starting out.
You’ve got to be comfortable with touching and good at reading body language so that you know how and when to escalate body contact. You must, must, must be a good kisser. I rarely go home alone if I’ve been able to get to the kissing stage. Kissing is a make-or-break thing for many, if not all women. Being good in bed may not boost your numbers, but it’ll sure as hell make it more likely you’ll get a repeat performance. As a slightly geeky introvert when I was young, I read a lot about sex and massage, and put it into practice when I finally got a chance. I used to make it my goal to give her the best time I could. I usually wasn’t happy unless I’d exhausted her. An added bonus of that is that I’d probably be able to spot a fake orgasm a mile away.
Now, though, I’ve got a girlfriend who I’ve been with for almost 4 years, so I’m being a good boy. It’s tough sometimes when you’re in a relationship. I swear that you never have so many women make themselves available as when you’re in a serious relationship. It’s the human version of catnip or something.
True, it is a numbers game. Even I, with a “score” of 1, did it. Quite simply, I got closer to a few women through work, overcoming my lack of confidence in natural hunting grounds like pubs and clubs and eventually one of them suggested I join her in bed.
Here I am, under a year later, a father to be 