Inspired by the lying about the number of partners thread. Some people are listing numbers from 30 on into the hundreds. How does that work especially for the guys? What do you do that makes picking up a sex partner as easy as picking up the mail? I am far from naive but I have never seen people pick up huge numbers of acceptable partners with that type of ease.
Is there a secret word that you use. Do you just have to hit on everyone in site all the time to make the percentages work in your favor? Are there special hangouts?
P.S. I am married and not looking for tips. Just curious from an academic standpoint.
I’d imagine that being indiscriminate helps - being just as willing to take the fat friend home or the semi-random drunk chick you start making out with at last call, etc.
Tequila. The secret word is tequila.
Just kidding, but if you don’t mind me piggybacking another question into your thread, I’m curious what number people generally consider “high”. I read that same thread where some people seemed—not really ashamed—but maybe hesitant about numbers quite a bit lower than my own. I know this is likely one of those things where everyone has their own comfort level, but it got me curious. At what point does someone go from active, to overactive?
From the two or three guys I know in that category, the biggest thing is “always trolling.” They flirt shamelessly with every woman they meet. They strike out with most of them, but some bite. To continue the fishing analogy, they know they won’t catch all the fish in the lake, but they won’t catch anything if they don’t keep throwing that lure.
Yes, widening the definition of “acceptable” is a big part. These guys are willing to bed women who are stupid, belligerent, too drunk to respond, and yes, physically not-so-beautiful. Let’s face it, though, some beautiful women are stupid or belligerent. (I’m not talking ‘bout you, darlin’…)
It’s not such a glamorous life when you know the details.
One of my former roommates used to boast about his exploits with the ladies. I wondered how it was possible, with a mental image of supermodels using the revolving door into his bedroom.
Then, I met one of his “companions” one day. :eek:
Re the real players I have known, you have to be willing to work a large number of women until the law of averages favors you . Assuming you’re not physically hideous or a manner less troll, it’s very much a numbers game and for better or worse it’s a lot easier to score with women if you’re “in the mix” and they see other women responding to your efforts. You also need to be able to comfortably talk to women and flirt with them. Lots of men can’t do this.
It’s like being a Pro Bass Fisherman. It’s a lot of planning as to where the fish are, choice of appropriate baits, lots of casts, and being able to work your rod enticingly.
As a woman with a fairly high number, um, being a woman helps… because guys are almost always horny. That aside, so does being indiscriminate, as previously mentioned. But, so does not trying. If I think a guy is trying only to get in my pants, it’s not happening. Do not try to buy me drinks until I’m trashed. Do not ask me if I’d like to go somewhere private and “talk” (or be more blunt and say, “ditch this joint and go do the nasty”). Do not bet with your friends that you will have me by the end of the night; because I’m not an idiot. If I’m talking to you, I’m watching what you’re doing. However, if I think it’s just a spur of the moment mutual attraction, damn I can’t help myself type thing… well, I can’t help myself.
So, um, nonissue, sorry, yeah, dearissues, if I were a gambling man - and I’m not … gave up years ago - I’d say you were the kind of person who small talk is wasted on. I like that in a woman - hell, I even like it in a man. I’m not thirsty myself, so about we make this our last drink and go somewhere noisy. Say, the police station. I’m not much of a talker myself, but we could just hang out…
It helps that I’ve got fairly broad tastes, though I don’t think of myself as indiscriminate (I can always tell them apart).
Beyond that, when I was in my major slut phase (circa age 19), the Internet was key. Gay chat rooms are like pizza delivery; you can have them come right to your door. (It probably also helped to be 19 and have a taste for older guys.)
I dunno…my ex probably would have fucked a snake if he HAD to…he was charming, a bad boy and very good looking, and he made it with very attractive women. I know, because I caught him in the act a couple times. Looks and charm are 90% of the game.
My numbers aren’t “high,” but they might be a lot higher if I hadn’t met my husband when I was only 24, and a hell of a lot higher if I had felt guilty about sleeping around too much. I was never the hottest chick in the room, but I was (and am, I hope) attractive. Attractive enough not to be the girl that you settle for because the good ones have rejected you. Naturally, the guys that I consented to smooch* were usually on the good-looking and charming side of the spectrum.**
You don’t get to bed without the smooching first.
** There are some major notable exceptions to this, so if you happen to know me IRL and know of some of the toads I’ve dated–stop laughing!
Since my sleeping-around days were in the late 80’s/early 90’s, it was simply a matter of having really long hair, hanging out in rock clubs and dressing like I was supposed to be on stage.
I’ve been married for ten years, but I did earn the nickname Matress Back. And in honest hindsight, I’d say at least 80% were very attractive.
My biggest asset was confidence. I didn’t really do the trolling thing. I fell in love easily and would honestly persue the objects of my affection. In about 95% of those cases, I at least had a couple dates. Once you can get a date, then charm needs to be factored in, and charm is easy if your confident.
I had a couple one night stands, but those blew me away, I wasn’t expecting them.
This is pretty much the key (that I don’t have): Lack of fear of rejection, and endless drive. This allows one to A) be totally confident, and B) persist even in the face of defeating odds. The former greatly enhances attraciveness, the latter is simply obviously necessary. I don’t think even a huge lowering of standards is required. I see these guys nailing women waaay out of any league they should dare to be in (“Hey, I’m short, I’m ugly, I’m poor, and I get laid!” is, quite literally, something I’ve heard said by an aquaintance), but they’ve got that simple formula perfected, and it just works.
Incidentally, not that I’m bitter or jealous or have insecurity issues or anything, but how about a lifetime score of eight, the most attractive of which was once moose-hunted (before I met her)?
To echo someone above, I’m poor, I’m fat, I’m closer to ugly than handsome - but I’ve seldom had too much problem finding girls interested in a little play time with me. In part it is the willingness to get up after a rejection and try again. In part it is a matter of hanging out with friends who share a casual approach to sexual hookups among friends. In part it has a little to do with the fact that I often find myself very sexually attracted to girls that are sometimes ignored in bars (give me an intelligent-looking chubby gal in glasses over your average blonde co-ed any day - tattoos and a good grin a major plus!), and I don’t sleeze on them. In part it has to do with having a good sense of humor. In part it has to do with hanging out in the punk scene, where my looks sometimes take a back seat to having fun. Plus, I have a small reputation as being a good time - that helps.