How many is too many (partners)

In My Humble Opinion
1

I mean, to some extent, the answer is obvious: Charley Sheens’ 5000 is probably more than 1 or 2 too many in most women’s book, but star-status keeps them coming back. I’m talking about your average Joe (or Eric or Mahlon or whomever). *FTR, I tried a search for this topic, but couldn’t find anything, as the server kept returning an error, plus I was interested in today’s opinion, rather than past ones so if this is a repeat, that’s why *

I know it’s somewhat dependant upon the woman and here experience, or at least it should seem to be the case. I’m guessing that there may even be circumstances that would allow an excessive count to be determined to be acceptable (though I couldn’t tell you what those might be).

My postulate is this: there is some number that above which all women would agree that a man has slept with too many women to remain desirable. As I type this, it occurs to me the there may also be an interim number where women would tend to think the man is well experienced, but not yet a dog. There might even be a number, based more on age I would think, that might lead women to think the man simply has not slept with enough women (perhaps, perhaps not), though this last one is really not the intended focus of this missive.

Possible factors: age: is he 18, 26, mid-30’s or older; military: some consider a higher number of partners as par for the course with those that have served; college/fraternity: college is quite the place for sexual experimentation and, to follow the stereotype, fraternity guys do seem to have slept with more women than GDI-guys; race: I’m white, so I can’t really speak to the differences race might have, but I’m sure there are some; misc.: other factors women may take into account when judging a man and his partners. Oh, I guess I should note that this is a hetero-sexual oriented question, though it might be interesting for others to find out if the gay population holds similar biases.

Also FTR, I’m purposely not disclosing my information because this is for my edification, as opposed to a matter of justification for or against. Also, I’m posting this to IMHO because I’ve tended to see a better discussion around these here parts, but I suppose if it needs moved, do what you think is best.

2

Well, while we wait for the ladies to answer, I’ll relate the tale of a female friend of mine who had been with something approaching 100 partners. Nevertheless, when asked by her latest lover how many partners she’d had before, her standard answer was: “Only 5. You’re the sixth!”

The lesson: Don’t believe everything you hear.

3

Personally, I believe if you’re beyond counting partners on your fingers & toes, then you’ve gone too far. I think a guy in my age range (26-30) that has had more than 20 partners is bordering on possible swain material. Twenty partners is a pretty fair number–it accounts for sexual experimentation, a few one night stands, and a handful of girlfriends–which would be in the course of your average guy in that age range.

4

This isn’t exactly the answer to your question, but I think that the minute a person wonders if he himself has gone over the “limit,” he has. (Applies equally to females.)

5

Good point, and that’s what I’m interested in hearing. Is 20 a fair number, or would most women be put off above 10? Will 50 and under still be acceptable?

Something I forgot to add to the OP, but will now, is a classic scene from Clerks where the girlfriend asks how many girls Dante has slept with and he says 12 and gets slapped because she’s only slept with 3 guys. Later, and this leads to all sorts of goofiness, he finds out that she may have only slept with 3 guys, but has gone down on 37. Great sequence, terrific reactions, truly funny.

6

I think it really depends on the morals of the person involved. Someone may have been with 25 partners and feel this is not excessive. Another person may have been with 10 and feel like a slut. I personally think if you keep it under 50 and can remember all the names then you are not in excess.

7

I just wanted to add that the when has a lot to do with it too.
What I mean is, there is a difference between saying,
"I’ve slept with thirty people…’ meaning ‘in 15 years of being sexually active’.

or

‘I’ve slept with four people…’ meaning ‘in the last week…’.

Now, when I was young and a slut, we (my particular community) had not ever even heard the term ‘HIV’. The worst you could get was syphillis(sp?), and not knowing of anyone who had ever actually come down with, it we didn’t consider it a real threat. Being a slut did not carry fatal consequences.
Had I come of age in this day and time when AIDS is running about, I would have been MUCH more careful. And a lot less popular :wink: . In my opinion, to be a slut nowadays is just foolish. You would be taking terrible risks, and some might look at that and think ‘Well, this person either doesn’t care or is very stupid.’ .

Just a thought.

8

The two main genders have a tendency to count differently. As Chris Rock said, women tend to count the guys they had relationships with, but neglect to count the occasional one-night-stand, cuz “it didn’t mean anything.” Men will sometimes count women they’ve brushed against in the hallway as sexual conquests, inflating their numbers.

So, we’ll confine it to actual, penetrative sex (includes oral, boys and girls), with or without emotional involvement. My standard: as long as your ex-lovers could all fit on a bus, you’re fine. Once you start to fill up one of those double-decker British buses, though, odds are you’ve let your standards slip a little too often.

9

Are we talking a school bus, a special-ed bus, or a Greyhound? :wink:

3bunma brings up another good factor, the time issue. I had thought about this but I guess I forgot to include it, so thanks. I suppose one could be a little put off if someone had just completeld one of those “Houston 500” type things where, like you said, they went one a rampage of sexual gluttany versus the careful spacing of partners across the years.

10

From my perspective, I guess the attitude of the person and how they approached the whole thing would make a difference. For example, I’m beyond counting on my fingers and toes, but three fourths of those were within one experimental 2 year period very early in my adulthood. So does that two year period make me “too used” for the rest of my life? I don’t think so. I once had a casual attitude towards sex, and now I don’t.

I guess that I see youth as an excuse. If someone was still picking up 3 or 4 people a week at the age of 30, I would consider them too immature to consider a relationship with.

11

Wow, thinks. You oughta add that to your sig line. Get lots of interested inquiries, I bet.

To answer your OP, I’d say that it’s possible for a woman to see a man’s number of partners two ways. First, as an indication of his sexual prowess/experience. In this day and age, that attitude has faded dramatically–if it ever was very popular.
Secondly, a large number of partners may indicate that a man (or woman) has little experience in serious, long-term relationships, or that they have a hard time with monogomy. Of course, the mention of the time factor impacts this directly.

It was a catch-22 when I was a kid. To have lots of partners meant you were a slut. To be relatively ‘hands-off’ gave the impression that there was something ‘wrong’ with you. God forbid a girl was a shameless virgin…even worse if a guy was. Had friends who lied about it. Sad, huh?

12

Experimental, huh? So what were your “findings”? :wink: (I kid, I kid.)

13

I used to date a guy who revealed, to my horror, that he had slept with “about 300” women in his life. Knowing him, especially certain details which eventually came to light, this was no exaggeration. He figured that 150 of that was accumulated in the 4 years he was in high school, the rest in the 14 years since. He was so casual in this admission, I thought I was going to throw up.

That’s too much.

I have another friend who is my age and just got out of college, who has slept with around 35 people. We consider him a slut, but not just because of numbers . . . because quite a few of them occured concurrant to other relationships that were supposed to be monogamous. Situation does carry some weight in these matters. I would say that more than 2-3 for each sexually active year is pushing it. That allows for one or two girlfriends and one “one-night-stand” a year, which is plenty of leeway if you ask me. I come in significantly under this myself. Most people have way less than this, though, I’ve discovered.

My current sweetie was a virgin when I got a hold of him, and I found that darn near ideal; all popular “wisdom” to the contrary, there’s nothing wrong with a man remaining a virgin into adulthood. I’d rather find out that a man had waited for a worthy relationship than hear about how he got drunk one night . . . It’s a matter of showing you have standards, a bit of class.

It may depend on what the woman is looking for out of the relationship, also. If she wants a one-night-stand she probably would rather have it with a guy who already knows his way around, but if it’s a long-term love relationship she wants, she’s not going to “mind” that he’s inexperienced.

14

I had a friend who had a list of guys she had slept with. There were 95 on it when she was 18, and she became sexually active at 14. She was actually proud of it, and was in a sort of competition with another girl we knew, who eventually beat her.

I don’t think the number of the people on the list (which she showed me) was so bad as the names on it - there were 7 guys named Brian or a variant thereof - there were 3 or 4 with only a 1st name, and one with no name - ‘Guy at county fair’. Yep, she was a slut.

I’ve only had sex with 7 women, and I am 28 - but I started at 22, and my list isn’t that respectable. There is a one-night stand with a woman who was 14 years my senior, a friend of a friend who I knew less than a week before having sex (and it only took that long because she was on her period when we met), a married mother of a friend’s girlfriend that took on both me and my friend at the same time (and I can’t remember her last name), and two women who were in ‘serious’ relationships with other men when I had sex with them. Though my count is low, only two of them were women I was in a relationship with. I think I’m more of a ‘slut’ than some guy my age who has been with 30 women, but had been active since he was 15 and was dating each one of them.

15

I have always, every time it’s come up, thought this was a bullshit question. No one has the right to determine for anyone else how many is “too many.” I understand that you’re only looking for subjective opinions, and this is mine.

If I hook up with someone, I am far more interested in his or her personality than I am in how many people he or she has been boning. Obviously I would practice safe sex at all times, and endeavor to make sure that my partner had a clean bill of health, but I think judging anyone’s ability to be a good partner in a relationship by the number of people they’ve slept with is shallow as hell.

16

300!!!

Oh my misspent youth.
I thought 20 something was alot.

BTW, how do you keep track of over 300 women?
Could he name them?

I think when you cease to be able to name them all, then maybe it was too many, but I sometimes forget one or two when I try to name them all, so maybe not. Then that question isn’t really how many is too many, but how important is sex as an act?

Maybe a guy who gets dumped 300 times for bad sex isn’t as much of a slut as a guy who dumps 20 girls after he gets sex?

17

Do you mean at the same time? :smiley:

18

How many is not as important as Why Many?

I would wonder why someone has slept with 200 people. Poor judment when it comes to partners? Co-dependent? Substance abuse problems? Low self esteem? Oral fixation? Just so fucking great in bed that everybody wants you? What???

Also, what did these encounters mean to you? Just numbers in a list? True affection? Just horny?

What can 200 people do for that one person could not if there is love, mutual respect and open communication?

19

Hamadryad:

I absolutely agree with Hamadryad’s statement. I don’t care how many people a person has slept with as long as they have been safe and get tested regularly.

20

Given the fact that both myself and Mrs xploder are swingers it’s virtually impossible to give an honest answer to the question. Also, I have to agree with Hamadryad. It isn’t how many, it’s more a case of personality and cleanliness.

I know, I know…TMI