How many sex partners is too many?

I was thinking about a few TV shows where someone mentions their ‘number’, as in the number of people they’ve slept with. Jackie on Roseanne says 60 and that’s supposed to be shockingly high. Someone added up the numbers shown on Sex and the City and counted 94 between the 4 women over the 6 seasons and I recall Miranda mentioning that her lifetime total is 42, again being surprised that it’s that high. (and these are women that in general were written as sleeping around a lot)

My personal count is far higher than any of these, so my intention is not ‘slut shaming’ or anything like that. Just trying to get the pulse of how people think about this sort of thing.

Poll should be up in a couple minutes.

Well, too many for what?

I’m not going to think you’re a bad person if the number is really high. But there’s a point at which I think I would not want to enter an exclusive relationship with someone whose number was really high, because I think that would signal someone who doesn’t view sex the same way I do.

But I’m not sure which answer you are looking for.

Personal opinions really, in whichever way you want to present it. (hence the don’t care and other options) Sounds like you would be a don’t care or other, as in you don’t care in general but might care for someone you’re in a relationship with.

I’m well aware of the way a lot of people view people who they know have slept around a lot, either with religious or moral judgement or sometimes admiration or wondering why anyone would want to. Just curious what people here think.

Thanks for clarifying. I guess I will call myself an “other.”

Honestly, it’s not the number, it’s the reason. If you have a high number because a long relationship for you is only 3 months, that’s worse (for me, as someone who only wants long-term commitments) than someone who went wild during college and then settled down.

I’d better answer my own question, I’m a don’t care. As long as the person has been safe, sane and consensual, they should do what makes them happy.

I guess it depends on how big your house is.

In one day?

I don’t care as long as the number doesn’t keep going up.

This. I don’t care, it’s not a question I ask. If your health doesn’t negatively impact mine, we’re good. I might care about the reason it’s so high, but I think that might come out in the course of conversation. Hopefully not one prompted by “how many partners have you had”? I personally don’t do casual sex, but I am not opposed to those who do/have done.

If you cannot remember the EXACT number, it’s probably too many.

I put “don’t care”, which is generally true outside of some extremes.

A high school freshman with 20 notches on his bed would get an askance eye.

A 60 year old virgin trolling for poon at a bar would likewise make me go WTF?

But other than that, as long as they aren’t using sex to cover up daddy/mommy issues or to manipulate people or their lack of sex is due to horrible hygiene, it’s not really on my radar.

If their number is really low you can fool them into thinking you are really good.

A higher number than me is a whore and a lower number is a prude.

I’m tempted to theorize that it’s the middle numbers that are the worst. Either sex is, for you, an expression of deep love, intimacy, and bonding, where the meaningfulness of the experience is inversely proportional to the number of people you’ve shared it with; or it’s a fun and exciting recreational activity, in which case, variety is the spice of life: the more, the merrier.

Do people normally have a running tally in their heads? It’s not like my number is big or anything, but, given my memory, I wouldn’t bet the house I got the EXACT number right.

The number is easy. The names are another thing.

600 times with one person, or one time with 600 partners.

How is it different?

Yeah, I can give a really close number but I would have to go back and really think about it to try and pinpoint an exact number.

I don’t keep track of my number, but I keep track of date when I was with each primary partner. When I’m trying to remember when I did something, I can usually do so by remembering which girlfriend I was with at the time, which gives me a pretty good date range. My friends and family, most of whom got married right out of college, think this is funny.