I was looking through Pete Davidson YT videos because of this thread in CS and it reminded me of people I’ve known that didn’t seem to have a lot going on but never lacked for sexual companionship. At the top of the list in my experience was a co-worker of a friend. My friend was always telling me about this guy he worked with that was a “pussy magnet”. One night my friend and I were heading out for a night of clubbing and after I picked up my friend he tells me Mr. PM wants to join us and so we swing by his place, living in his sister’s basement or something like that, to pick him up. We pull in the driveway, he hops in the back seat, didn’t get much of a look at him. We get to the bar, I’m finally talking to him and looking at him. Above average looks but not by a lot. Greasy hair (in the 80s, when clean fluffy hair was in) longish grimy fingernails, not really fashionable clothes, clearly not a rocket surgeon. My friend was all excited that this guy had such a gift with the ladies that we might do well by association. So we’re there maybe 20 minutes and Mr. PM comes over to the table, points at a pretty girl about 20 feet away and says “I just met this girl and we’re going to her house, I won’t need a ride home.”
Not the only person I’ve known that suffered from this curse.
I had a buddy in high school who wasn’t much to look at, but had phenomenal success with girls. He always went for girls that were far better looking than he was, even if they were taller than him (he was 5’7" and actually looked shorter.) I roomed with him in college and had the chasnce to study his technique close up. He had absolute confidence in himself, focused 100% of his energy and attention on the girl of the moment, and to use a sales term, was “always closing” the deal. On those rare occasions when he didn’t click with someone, he simply shrugged it off and went right back to work.
He was capable of long-term relationships, though and ended up being married to one his last conquest for 40 years.
I wonder where the confidence came from? Did he get lucky a few times early on? I know that getting turned down several times as a teenager made it where I had zero confidence as a young adult even though I was gainfully employed and better looking than average, so I can imagine that early success could have the opposite effect.
I would like to put in here, confidence in a man is a bigger aphrodisiac to THA LADEEEZZE than a big swingin’ dick or whatever men think will attract them. My first love was 5’6, a ginger, homely-cute, very well dressed, but walked with such confidence with no blithering, I don’t know how to describe it, but he simply was so ‘chill’. Never ‘tried hard’ to impress. He just…was… He went to live in NYC for a while, came back to visit, and said with perfect truth, ‘I couldn’t hardly leave my apartment without some woman or some guy pinching my ass’. He was like the opposite of panting puppy dog. Confidence. Didn’t need to slobber and beg for it.
Keep in mind Pete Davidson is funny and charismatic enough to be a cast member on SNL (and apparently not actually have to show up to work a lot without getting fired). He also does a lot of drugs. A lot of women are into that. At least…a lot of the sort of women who would sleep with a guy like Pete Davidson.
His “gift” was that while you and the rest of your crew were drinking your beers in your own private sausage fest, Mr. PM was walking around the club striking up conversations with every pretty girl he came across.
So here is my response when people ask the sort of questions the OP poses. For the “player” or wannabe player in question:
-How much time do they spend going out on Thursday, Friday, Saturday night or other nights of the week?
-Are they comfortable going out by themselves or do they always travel in a “posse”?
-When they are out, how much time do they spend striking up conversations with strangers vs hanging out in their pod of friends?
-Do they drink and/or do drugs? To what extent?
-How often do they strike up random conversations or hit on women outside of an environment like a club or bar?
-To what extend do they use dating apps?
-Is he a fun and interesting person to talk to or somewhat of a jerk?
A lot of guys think that to “hook up” you need to look like Chris Hemsworth and / or be rich. That’s not really the case. Most of the time you just have to be able to hold a conversation.
I attended an Ivy League college and had a roommate who was fairly short and (frankly) not too attractive. Furthermore, he had terrible hygiene and a rather off-putting manner of speaking. In spite of all this, he always had GFs staying over who were quite attractive, intelligent, and usually a few inches taller than he was. He did not seem to put much effort into finding women, either.
The only thing we could attribute this to was the “Ivy League student who’s going to be a doctor, lawyer, or rich businessman effect.” He did, in fact, go on to be an MD in Israel. I always liked him, but it baffled the crap out of the other roommates. Saw him at a reunion a few years ago and he is just like he always was.
I actually got more attention from women when I got a little more scruffy. Clean, with no tangles in my hair, but long hair and a not impeccably trimmed beard. Not that I had women hitting on me constantly, but I stopped going years between dates. I got married before the sample size got too big, though.
Not sure if this belongs here (but it’s not likely to belong anywhere else either).
Many years ago (early 1970s) I lived next door to a gay couple who were my parents’ age. I had parties so these two men got to know some of my friends. One such friend and co-worker was a 30-ish woman, notably unattractive. Really overweight, but not “curvaceous” or anything-- apple-shaped. Mousey faded brown hair, didn’t wear makeup, not an attractive face-- Bob Hope ski-jump nose, thin lips. Just a plain, homely woman. Nice enough. We were colleagues, though not what I would call good friends.
One time I was next door visiting with my neighbors and I mentioned this woman and said that she had gotten another job and was moving away soon. And one of the men said, “You mean the fat girl who likes to fuck?” That kind of stopped me dead. First that they would say such a thing to me-- that was before the f-word was all over everywhere, although he did use it for its literal meaning. And also, what was it that they, as older men (albeit gay), were picking up on WRT to this very plain woman that was invisible to her female coworkers? She did, in fact, move to a smaller city and had a booming social life and no shortage of dates.
While she still lived here, she took a trip to Europe and met a French man on the plane. She brought him home for a 1-2 night stand and turned up pregnant. I accompanied her to get an abortion although as I said, we were not particularly close. She asked me to go with her, as I was the least judgmental of all the people we knew.
I looked her up on FB recently and she is still plain as the side of a barn, still unmarried, now with snow-white hair.
Some guys can pull off the scruffy/edgy but still clean look. Others really do better with a more traditional neatly groomed appearance. It took me until my junior year of college to figure that I was one of the latter group.
In my freshman college dorm there was a very average guy who lived down the hall. Average height, looks, academic success. Pleasant to talk to but not overwhelmingly charming. Yet he had considerable success with the opposite sex. One day near the end of the year his roommate asked his very attractive girlfriend why she was dating him. Her response: “He asked”.
Observation from what you have shared: The person in your story enjoys sex, isn’t bothered by antiquated notions of marriage, and will grow old happily disgredarding beauty “standards”.