For when your brain turns to Goop

Here are some of the more ridiculous items from Gwyneth Paltrow’s holiday catalog:

King Size 24K Gold Rolling Papers “Not intended for use with tobacco, only legal smoking herbs.”

Banana Lamp

Self Love Spray

Rose Quartz Crystal Straw

Marble Dumbbell

Ritual Candle “Strategically placed pins track your meditation session without requiring you to open your eyes.”

Smart Jumprope

Rose Quartz Soothing Face Massage Roller

Webbed Power Gloves

self-Cleaning Bottle

Tour of a Cannabis Farm

Toy Salad Kit for Children to Have a Salad Party Instead of a Tea Party

Knit Crown

Custom Lullaby Recording

Spanish Village

I think it’s fair to say that either she’s a shrewed lady who is willing to cash in on the stupider sort in Hollywood, or it’s advisable to consider the wisdom of unfettered access to limitless quantities of marijuana and its long term effect on your brain.

A few goopy blog entries.

“I can’t find my driving moccasins anywhere!” - Schmidt

Stephen Colbert has made fun of this “lifestyle brand” multiple times on his late night show, even once bringing her on to join in the fun. (So I guess she knows how ridiculous it all is.) And she’s not selling to Hollywood, at least not entirely. This shit is meant to be sold to the general public. (BTW, at one point they sold a jade egg meant to placed in one’s vagina, supposedly to “get better connected to the power within”. Eventually the state of California went after them for the bullshit claims.) And somewhere I read that the crap she sells is very similar or even identical to the crap that Alex Jones sells on his website.

To be fair, face rollers have a purpose: to get the most product out of face masks, for applying thinner products like serums, as well as the cooling effect the stone has. They’re extravagant for sure and definitely a trend, but they have a purpose in the modern cosmetics industry.

If I want a tour of a weed farm, I can just go to my dad’s house.

Aye, a real bargain at just under 150,000 Euro.

Crystals have essences that you can infuse into a spray? I did not know that.

“Self Love Spray” sounds like, er, a personal lubricant. Goop indeed.

Alas, the jade egg seems to have vanished from the Goop catalog, but you can still get a rose quartz egg.

No indication as to where one might want to insert it.

Note that the rose quartz egg is not returnable. I wonder why.

To be fair, I believe this is a villa not a village.

No one under the age of 18 should ever attend or host a Salad Party.

She advertises it as a village.

She also calls it a village here.

Salt is a crystal. I suppose you could go spraying salt water around.

Anyway, I’m mainly annoyed that Paltrow has sullied the name of the One True Goop, without which no garage or shop is complete: Man, that stuff is awesome.

Unless there’s an alternate definition for “salad party” I would just delete “under the age of 18” from that statement.

ETA: I just looked up salad party on urban dictionary. Now I would add “or over the age of 28” into Gatopescado’s post.

Se7en is on TV right now, so I’ll pop in at the box part and enjoy some schadenfreude.