I’d probably agree with the sentiment expressed that you don’t owe your B-I-L’s privacy dick if you find his ramblings deposited in your bedroom. If you want to know, read it. If you don’t I’d still probably wipe my ass with the pages like Spivey did with the journal in Dances with Wolves.
What I expect from the sound of it, is that the wife and sister are having a torrid lesbian affair, and they’re trying to pin it on the BIL so the OP and he will kill each other and the evil lesbians can live off their insurance policies.
This is a great companion piece to the “snooping” thread. I’m an advocate for not snooping, but based on the two flaming red flags you have here and your brother-in-law’s admission of completely improper behaviour, I think you have a pretty good case for finding out what the hell is going on. Well, nailing down what is going on. I think your wife is having an affair with her brother-in-law and has been for a while.
Putting myself in your wife’s shoes, I have a husband with a sister who is married; I’m trying to imagine a scenario where I would text, “I miss you” to my brother-in-law and have him respond like that innocently, and sorry, it just doesn’t happen.
Now I’m trying to picture what your next step is here; if she was having an affair before and lied to you about it, she’ll probably continue lying if confronted (and I do think that was what happened). I must reluctantly admit that you should read enough of the journal to be sure before taking any other steps, and make copies of any incriminating evidence before giving the journal to your sister with your abject apologies for not believing her before. It sucks that two marriages are probably over, but I think that’s where you stand now.
And lawyer up before your wife gets back in town.
You find a dairy from a suspected past lover in your wife’s underwear drawer and you claim not to read it, and you wonder what might be up with all that so you reach out to a message board for advice?
Assuming this letter is not a troll, if this actually how passive you are in real life I pity your wife more than rebuke her.
Unless you’re some sort of masochist who wants to ever-agonize over this issue, read the fookin’ diary, for cripes’ sake, then take whatever appropriate action is necessary. Otherwise, this is going to crop up in those wee early hours when you should be sleeping.
I was wondering the same thing(s). But please refrain from accusations/questions of trolling in this forum.
You don’t need to find out what’s going on.
You don’t really want to know just how long it’s gone
Just leave well enough alone
Keep your dirty laundry
[sub]Kick 'em when they’re up, kick 'em when they’re down
Kick 'em when they’re up, kick 'em when they’re down
Kick 'em when they’re up, kick 'em when they’re down
Kick 'em when they’re stiff, kick 'em all around[/sub]
I’m another one who thinks you should read the diary.
I’m sorry to say it, but it sounds like the BIL’s and your wife’s responses to the texting incident was a miscommunication between the two of them. In other words, they didn’t confer to get their story straight before she lied to you and he told the truth.
The fact that she got mad at you because you didn’t defend her enough sounds like she was over-compensating in the “damsel-doth-protest-too-much” sense.
Now you have this diary. I’d read it, then snoop further. And good luck.
- Read the diary
- Call the BIL and ask him if he is missing his diary. If he says “yes”, then tell him that you found it in your house, and ask him if he knows how it possibly could have ended up there.
- Tell your wife that while you were putting away the laundry you noticed BIL’s diary in her drawer. Ask her how it ended up there. If her story doesn’t match up with BIL’s story, ask her why BIL say’s differently.
- Call your sister and tell her the details from #1-#3 above.
Depending upon the results from 1-4, you may need to seek a divorce attorney to get the best advice on how to proceed.
Best of luck, and welcome to SDMB!!
I’m just going to say that possibly - just possibly - your BIL gave the diary to your wife to keep "safe’ from your sister, and wrote a bunch of stuff about his feelings for your wife hoping she would read it. I think you should read it, but keep in mind this is all stuff from your BIL’s point of view. Unless there’s a lot of things in there talking about your wife’s actions that you can confirm she did, it’s still all hearsay.
Oh and we anxiously await your next report…because we are all way too voyeuristic!
Well of course he should read the diary…and immediately report back here all of the gory details.
I volunteer to read it!
If you’re morally against reading it - give it to your sister - she’ll definitely tell you what is contained within.
I don’t think I could stop myself from reading it - I don’t like lies.
Posting to subscribe. I also say read the diary. I think there’s like 99% chance of an affair. I like the idea of getting the BiL’s story about the diary on record before asking the wife. Don’t give them a chance to put their heads together.
This. I feel like I’m watching a soap opera. I’ve got to know more.
Take Dio’s advice. Try to catch him in person, otherwise he’s likely to just call her up immediately so they can coordinate.
I was going to suggest something like that. If the OP could find someone he trusts, but is unknown to the other parties, have that person read the diary. If there’s anything the OP needs to know, the impartial party will tell him. If there isn’t, the brother-in-law’s privacy is somewhat preserved.
This actually is an option: if there’s a neutral third party (well, fifth party) that you trust (ideally who doesn’t know your Brother in Law), then you could ask them to read the diary and tell you whether to contact a divorce attorney or not. That way, the BIL’s privacy is respected, but you can get an answer. Just saying it’s an option.
But I agree with some others; I’m sorry to say (although clearly I’m going only on a two sentence description) that, to me, your wife being angry that you didn’t defend her enough does sound kind of like maybe there is something to the accusation.