So, I know this is totally selfish, and not based in any actual hate, but I hate my roommate. He is a great guy, we’ve been friends for maybe fifteen-ish years. Nice, genuine, and interesting. The problem is that he is incredibly good at attracting the interest of women.
We’ve been living together for about six months, and in that time he’s gotten to know a number of my other friends. Also in that time I’ve become single.
He’s managed to monopolize the interest of three (at least) female friends that I’d possibly like to, um, become closer with. I just don’t understand how he so easily manages to not only get into bed with so many people, but manages to maintain semi-long-term non-committed relationships with them. I have an incredibly hard time trying to build a relationship with anyone, because he always seems to be able to go home with every. one. of. them.
Gahhhhh! I don’t blame him, (or her, and I guess it’s one person in particular I’m thinking of), but the problem is that they’re definitely not in a “relationship,” yet it’s hard to make a move because he’s there and already has an ‘in’ (no pun intended).
Just a mild rant about a friend. Nothing major. I’ve just never been good at the wooing thing, and trying to figure it out with a roommate/friend who’s incredibly good at getting into bed with every single female who comes around makes things very frustrating.
Why on earth do you have female “friends” that you’d like to “possibly, um, become closer with”? That’s your problem right there. That’s just not the way it’s done. Make your interest clear from the start. These are women you knew before he did right? So since you make your move first, it should never be an issue. She may accept or reject it, but at least you tried. But snoozing = guaranteed to lose.
You’re absolutely right. The thing is, I’ve been “on the market” only since this past Thanksgiving. He’s been around for a little bit longer, and while I’ve been making what I consider ‘progress’ with one person in particular who I’m quite interested in (who became available around the same time as I did), he basically in one evening initiated a ‘friends with benefits’ type of situation. Which, if he wasn’t my roommate would be fine, but it just feels awkward pursuing someone who maybe once every few weeks spends the night in my apartment with my roommate. It also makes it strange because a part of me feels guilty ‘moving in’ on her, even though I know that they’re not actually a couple.
Basically, I’ve always sucked at the dating thing, and having someone who I’m interested in (and has expressed at least some level of interest in me), is made awkward by the instant gratification that my roommate is able to provide and that she is clearly interested in.
I second Rigmarole– you’re moving way too slow. You shouldn’t move in on her; your roommate has better expressed what he’s interested in, and she’s reciprocated. It’d probably be more than awkward for you to profess your interest now.
I think you got it right there. You need to be more clear with the girls you’re interested in–you can’t build a relationship off of subtle cues and “some level of interest.” Once you’re interested, make it clear.
This reminds me of Over Her Dead Body (if you’ve seen it–I can’t blame you for not seeing it, although it’s not bad for a generic-let’s-watch-a-comedy-on-DVD-tonight movie).
A sub-plot of the movie is that the lead female character has been friends with a guy who she believes to be gay for years. At the end of the movie, he makes a move, and she’s surprised. He thought he had been clear about being interested in her, but he moved at such a glacial pace that she thought he was just being friendly and was actually gay.
When I read this I thought “hmm, that’s very similar to a subplot in some mediocre Eva Longoria movie I saw once” and then when I went to IMDB it I realized it’s the same movie! :smack: I think he did actually pretend to be gay though.
I would recommend talking to him about it. He might not realise that he’s doing that. My daughter’s father was like your roommate – his best friend was a cute-ish guy, funny, interesting, etc but not aggressive. When I met my ex – let’s call him Joe – it was through his roommate (let’s call him Bob). Bob and I had started some flirting and kissy-facing and he ended up introducing me to Joe. Joe and I hit it off, because I like assertiveness. At one point after we were in the long-term, not-quite-committed part of our relationship (this was years before we had a kid, btw), he told me that he was considering breaking it off with me because Bob had talked to him and told him how he’d “taken several girls” away" from Bob, including me. Joe never had any idea that Bob was that interested in any of the girls he’d started seeing, especially me. Joe and I talked to Bob and he saw that we were a little more into each other than just a fuck and Joe and I ended up being together for several years & Bob learned to be more assertive.
I’m not saying you need to be more assertive, but it might not hurt. Just saying that maybe your roommate doesn’t realise that you were into that girl.
I have a similar problem, so I feel yea. I got a buddy who the girls all just love. Just the other day I met a girl, gave her my number and said we should go out. She says ok but she wants to bring some friends so I should do the same. I bring along my buddy (who’s my best friend in Japan) and, inevitably, she’s more attracted to him than to me. This happens all the damn time. What’s more annoying is he’s a one-and-done guy, or he’ll keep them around for a week, tops. Whereas I actually want to pursue something with them.
I’ve got this roommate that acts like a 14 year old whenever I bring broads home to screw. He knows most of them but sits like a lump on the couch when the girls are here. He recently got divorced and I let him move in with me to help him out but this guy is becoming a real drag. I told him to just talk to the chicks and then ask them out but he says he’s too shy. I don’t intend to have a real relationship with the chicks, I just like to bang them and move on to another. I can understand why his ex-wife dumped him, he’s like a character in a teeny-bopper movie (“Err, umm. Darlene? You don’t want to go out with me do you?”).
And the kicker was I was (still am heh, heh) the more atractive on one.
The problem with my friend was he had such a lovable personality; the ladies would turn their intrest from me to him in about ten seconds flat!
My solution to the problem was I didn’t bring said girls around my friend until I was sure I had my “hooks” in them.
I’m older now and I have since had to learn to develope my personality since I’m not quite as handsome as I used to be. (Either that or girls want more than just a pretty face to look at when they get older.)
But yeah, as others have said; make your intentions clear from the start. I know a lot of guys worry too much about timing and not wanting to make the girl feel uncomfortable or awkward.
Let me tell ya’. If that’s what’s going through your head; just stop it now. No girl on the planet has ever been immpressed by this thought process.
And besides; screw her if she wants to get all offended because you expressed an interest. I don’t think some women have any idea the balls it takes to put yourself out there like that.
Haha, so damn true. I work with teens and frequently get asked by my 15 year old girls how to get a guy they like to ask them out. I have to point out that teenage boys are beyond retarded when it comes to picking up hints so you might just start with a brick to the head with a note attached, and you should just ask him out. Man the responses I get when I tell them that always crack me up.
I have a similar problem to a degree, because I work with females who are often physically attractive but completely off limits I often find myself backing off the ones who arent off limits out of habit.
So true. If she’s open to dating you, then clear displays are interest shouldn’t scare her off (or, if they do, you’re not missing out on anything worth having). I’m amazed how many people miss this…
He’s fresh meat. Ladies lurrrrve the new boy in town. And if he’s ‘monopolized’ three women and they all know one another, they obviously have no problem with NSA relationships.
Well, I didn’t assume he was gay since I saw him ogling other women and he had the usual problem of trying to have conversations with my ass (hi, my face is on the other side), but I dated a guy for a couple months who had me wondering whether he just wanted to be friends or what. If I tried to take his hand, he’d move away so fast you would’a thought I have poisonous skin.
Then one day he left me at home and, as I was closing the door, leaned close to whisper in my ear “I can’t wait to try that bed of yours,” and tried to lick said ear. I pushed him out the door and slammed it shut :mad: Where I come from, you don’t jump from not-even-a-touch directly into bed! Last time I ever laid eyes on him.
I’m not really mad or upset at all about this, or at my roommate (more power to him!). I think this was a little ah-ha moment where I suddenly became very aware that I have to put effort into this sort of thing again (it’s been about three years since the last time I had to). I do feel that at this point in my life I’m at least a bit less clueless, so we’ll see what the year brings!
What came to my mind is… “If I want what you have, I should probably do what you do”. If I want to sell like my cohort Bob sells, I should watch what Bob does and emulate it, or even ask him for some edumacation on the subject.
