Okay… here’s the thing… -takes a deep breath and starts in-
Alright now. I am living with two guys, one of which whom I am very attracted to. I’ve known him for quite awhile before I moved in with him and we get along really great. We hang out lots, have fun and just well… have a great time. Now I have liked this guy, Liam, from the first time I met him. When I first met him I thought he was rather handsome and it was probably just hormones, but now it’s more than that. Liam’s a great guy… fun to hang around with, great sense of humor etc. We have the odd disagreement but we work it out.
Now the question is… how the hell do I tell him I like him? Like… as more than a friend. I don’t want to jump him or anything, I just want to let him know. If anything comes of it. Great! If not then oh well I can live with that. It’s just… making me crazy cuz I want to know if he likes me too.
I have several friends telling me I should tell him, and I think I should too. It’s just I’m really shy about that kind of thing. It’s funny cuz we talk about relationships and he’s not involved right now nor really interested in anyone specific that I know of. He knows of a couple guys I like, and who like me back, but there are problems with being able to go out with them (ie one is in England and the other works 3 jobs and has no time for a gf).
Now just… how do I tell him? Several say I should just come out and say it. But how do I work that into a conversation? Btw I really really like you do you like me to? One says I should talk to him online but that’s impossible because well… we share the computer. We never talk online cuz we can’t, we’re never on at the same time. He doesn’t chat doesn’t use messengers so I can’t go to a cyber cafe when he’s on and talk to him then. Another option is writing him a letter which is possible but I’d probably never give it to him… unless I sent it by e-mail. And I can’t just pounce on him when he walks in the door after work.
You could try making it clear that you’re not really planning on going anywhere in a relationship with the other two guys so that he knows you’re serious when you do broach the subject with him. Thinking you’re interested in two other men as well as him isn’t going to win you points for seriousness or stableness. It sounds like it would be good for you to let them go too, if there’s no chance of a relationship with either of them then you really ought to accept them as friends and move on.
Hang out with him. Spend time with him, chatting. Try to find an activity that gives you a chance to share and bond, and see how it goes. I’d be all for telling him straight out - if you didn’t have to live with him. Because if this is all one sided, it could make things awkward in your house for a while. I’d recommend trying to find common interests that give you a chance to hang out and hopefully lead into a romantic situation rather than just blurting out your feelings for him and leaving it up to him to respond.
If you can’t just tell him outright, why not just ask him out on a date? If you’re out on the date and you think he still doesn’t get it, smile, laugh, and touch him a lot–he’ll get the message. He sounds like a lucky guy.
Well… I didn’t talk to him last night. an opportunity didn’t come up ie we watched a movie (Hart’s War) and I fell asleep as soon as it ended. Didn’t talk a whole lot.
cazzle In fact we have a lot of common interests, and hang out quite a bit. We role play, go to the weekly unofficial get togethers, go to concerts cuz we like the same band (mostly not all he hates some of my taste in music), go to karaoke and often just hang out discussing whatever.
As to the other two guys… they are really good friends. And I do accept that it is unlikely I will be able to go out with them. I’m not sitting around pining after two guys who I can’t even go out and play pool with at a karaoke bar on a Saturday night. I have told him that actually, that I like them but it’s not going anywhere. Well maybe I am pining a bit but I’m not sitting around and ignoring the rest of the fish in the sea. It’s not my way. Part of me is keeping tabs on them for a chance, but I don’t advertise it and still look around a bit. It’s just so hard for me to meet people.
spooje That’s a total no-go. The other guy is rarely, if ever, home. He uses this place basically as storage and an occasional sleeping space. Plus he’s already certain there already is something going on with Liam and I.
flyboy88 That might be a good idea, the thing is we already go and do stuff that could be termed as dates. We go and have dinner, watch movies at home or at the theatre etc etc.
-shrugs- Somehow I’ll manage to tell him. The question is just when will I find an opportune moment?
I started writing a response to this OP last night, but I didn’t want to come off sounding too negative as the first response post in your thread. But no one’s said it yet, so:
Getting involved with someone you live with is almost always a bad idea.
So, that said, I think what cazzle said is right on target. You said you guys have a good time hanging out, so just hang out, have fun, and let it go where it goes. If this gets too frustrating, ask him out on a date. It can be playful and fun, or as serious as you’d like. I’d say if you feel like you have to tell him straight out, offer to take him out to dinner or something and let him know in advance that you want to talk about something. That’ll make it easier to broach the topic once you’re there because you’ll both be expecting something.
Don’t get the other roomie to do your dirty work for you. It’s not only juvenile, it’ll just serve to make things in the house even more awkward than they already have to be.
Well, I see you’ve posted again, and you’re looking for an opportunity to tell him. I’d say take him out somewhere, like I said, and tell him you want to talk. That’ll take all the indecision out of ‘should I say it now? Should I say it now?’ because you’ll both know that there’s something to discuss.
Again, though, I kinda think that should be a last-resort kind of thing. Is there any rush to get hooked up with him? If not, why not take things slow and let them develop naturally?
Either/any way, though, good luck, and I hope it all works out for you both.
There isn’t really any rush, the thing is I’ve known him for awhile… about a year now and have been attracted to him from the start. I have been patient, getting to know him, hanging out with him. Heck the first guy I ever dated was his best friend at the time. (I was attracted to both. Now I just wonder what I ever saw in Greg and he has told me he regrets introducing me to Greg a bit, letting it get as far as it did with him. With Greg I think it was just feeling so flattered that a guy was actually paying attention to me and appeared to like me.) I also know I flirt with him (which is why Perry, the other roomie, thinks something is up cuz he sees it when he’s here.) and let him know in subtle ways… but of course he’s a guy and some guys need to be hit over the head with a hammer to get them to see.
I would never get Perry to be a go between, Perry wrecked both our (Liam and I’s) trust. Even if he hadn’t I wouldn’t ask him.
We are thinking of going out tonight (karaoke), maybe an opportunity will come up then.
I’m in the same boat as White Lightening on some of this. You are hanging out and letting it go where it goes, which is a great way to handle it. Don’t use the roommate, and don’t go online. Be a person.
Personally, I’d never say it outright. Find a way to get in his way, accidentally (or so it would appear), so you are face to face. Make eye contact. Make sure it is a quiet moment when you are alone. Look into his eyes. If you don’t feel it then, do nothing. If you do feel it, kiss him. If he accepts the kiss, you are good to go. If he doesn’t, it is an awkward moment, but must a moment, and life goes on. If he does accept, then tell him.
If you take him out on a date and drop that on him the rest of the evening could be awkward. Also, if you tell him and he doesn’t feel the same I think it will hang over you two for however long you live together. The attempted kiss could be chalked up as “just one of those things” and not necessarily something you’ve been fretting over for a while.
Ways to get face to face:
Accidentally fall and have him help you up.
Go to show him something, innocently enough, and when you are really close, look at him.
Start to wrestle him.
Tell him he has something on his shirt.
I’m sure you can come up with others.
Well, I appreciate it when a woman just says to my face that they like me. It is like way easy. Of course they often have to write it down & let me read it
Watch a movie with a romantic theme. Put your head on his shoulder. Snuggle a bit. See how he responds. If the response is good, tell him “I really want to kiss you right now.” See where that goes.
Why doesn’t that apply to women, WV_Woman? I’ve seen that sentiment expressed a lot. But why can’t you turn around and say “If you like him, you’ll make the first move. If not, you’re not that interested.”
Because men, by nature, are pursuers. If a man likes a woman enough, I don’t care WHAT his “ailment” is (shyness, etc.), he will find a way to chase her. If he doesn’t, he is not that interested. Men do not give a *&#% about the odds against getting a certain woman, when they find one they want they will do anything to get her.
Call me a traditionalist but I have learned the hard way that 9 times out of 10, when a woman does the chasing, she usually ends up hurt.
Just MHO. Chase him if you want, who knows, maybe you’ll end up together and be married 50 years and have 2.5 kids and a station wagon and a dog, it happens. But I’d be more likely put money on him giving you the “I need space” speech after you scare him by coming on too strong.
I would never use the roommate (as I said both Liam and I have our differences with him, we thought he was a friend he tried to get us kicked out… that’s a whole 'nother story.) I’d feel too odd to try and get someone as a go-between anyway. The online thing is a no go anyway cuz we only have one comp.
Tonight we were going to do karaoke but we left too late so just decided to buy some beer and munchies, and rent a movie (Resident Evil… Romantic theme? YUK!). So that’s what we will be doing very shortly. The kiss thing I have thought of doing too, and was suggested by others. I might try that one.
WV_Woman In my very limited experience, I found better guys if I gave a definitive sign that I like them. All the ones that approached me first and I started dating… turned out to be total jerks. The one guy I told that I liked him, I found that he liked me… but he’s the guy with the 3 jobs and he told me that he doesn’t have time for a girl. That’s better than just messing with me and then not calling cuz he ‘didn’t have the time’. He was upfront when I was.
It’s just Liam… well I like him even more than that guy I told him I liked in the first place. I like to keep it about 50-50 as to when I approach a guy or I wait for him to approach me. If it feels good enough for me to approach him… then it can be worth the risk. I’m just really nervous about this one and needed the advice.
I’ll let you all know how it goes when it goes… may take me a bit to let him know but I will do so… eventually.
I would never use the roommate (as I said both Liam and I have our differences with him, we thought he was a friend he tried to get us kicked out… that’s a whole 'nother story.) I’d feel too odd to try and get someone as a go-between anyway. The online thing is a no go anyway cuz we only have one comp.
Tonight we were going to do karaoke but we left too late so just decided to buy some beer and munchies, and rent a movie (Resident Evil… Romantic theme? YUK!). So that’s what we will be doing very shortly. The kiss thing I have thought of doing too, and was suggested by others. I might try that one.
WV_Woman In my very limited experience, I found better guys if I gave a definitive sign that I like them. All the ones that approached me first and I started dating… turned out to be total jerks. The one guy I told that I liked him, I found that he liked me… but he’s the guy with the 3 jobs and he told me that he doesn’t have time for a girl. That’s better than just messing with me and then not calling cuz he ‘didn’t have the time’. He was upfront when I was.
It’s just Liam… well I like him even more than that guy I told him I liked in the first place. I like to keep it about 50-50 as to when I approach a guy or I wait for him to approach me. If it feels good enough for me to approach him… then it can be worth the risk. I’m just really nervous about this one and needed the advice.
I’ll let you all know how it goes when it goes… may take me a bit to let him know but I will do so… eventually.
I have to disagree. Especially after the Jane thing, I’ve learned that I should just back off if a girl tells me she’s not interested. No point in wasting time and emotional energy running my head into a wall.
I also have the (un?)fortunate trait of being completely unable to hide the fact that I am interested in a girl, so I very rarely have to tell anyone.
Ever considered just getting really drunk and then kissing him? If he goes for it, you’re in. If he doesn’t, you may be able to get away with blaming the booze for your advances.
It probably can’t hurt anything (besides your head the next morning) and could possibly avoid the akwardness that would go along with the sober attempted kiss.
I’m usually loathe to recommend alcohol for any reason, but maybe you can make it work here.
