This is brilliant in it’s simplicity and absolutely true.
Abbie Carmichael is dead wrong in my opinion. The email did not require a reply and even if i wanted to I would be hesitant. Us guys always have to worry about appearing like creeps so a lot of times we err on the side of caution.
When it comes to women a lot of guys are milquetoasts until they are certain there’s something there. The guy might take thing the email was just something you do - women do that kind of thing - and not a show of interest. I agree with inviting him somewhere via email. It gives you a chance to compose it just right and he’d be an idiot not to get that signal.
They sent out an email to everyone who was at the party pointing to a website where all the photos are and announcing the winner of a raffle they did…
I thought I could reply to that email to him, along the lines of:
I don’t think I’m quite brave enough to ask him out until I get some kind of indication from him that he might fancy me too, but I do want to get across the message that I like him…
My sister suggested I could say something like “I hear <movie> is really good, what do you think?” but I don’t know…
Listen Robin, what is the WORST that will happen if you <gasp> ASK HIM OUT?
He could say ‘no, I’m not interested,’ and you’d be hurt and feel foolish for a while. Is that really a terrible fate? No. Luckily, he works in a different building too, and you won’t have to worry about running into him all the time.
And Robin, I think you got an indication that he fancies you. It happened at that party where you spent all that time chatting with him, remember?
Ask him out.
Well, you already know I think you should ask him out, but if you really don’t want to, at the very least you have to add a sentence or two saying something more direct like: “I had a lot of fun talking to you at the holiday party. Your story about [insert something he talked about] still makes me laugh.”
Give him something so that it’s crystal clear you enjoyed talking with him. He still probably won’t pick up on it, but at least you tried.
The party photo website is a good in. But CALL HIM. Call him up and say, "Hey, it’s Robin! Did you see the website with the photos from the party? Yeah, they missed me altogether–everyone here is accusing me of skipping the party! I had a lot of fun talking with you; we should go out sometime. Want to go see a movie Friday? … "
Another vote for “you are in the best possible situation here”–if he says no, say, OK, well, nice talking to you, bye, and never run into him again. If he says yes, well, obviously that’s good … and you never have to worry about the awkwardness of dating/someday breaking up with someone you work with every day.
I just re-read the whole thing so far, and Giraffe’s every post is right on the money. Additionally glee’s insight into the male mind is something every female should take to heart.
I’ve got a good feeling about this. I’ll be waiting to hear the rest of the story.
I’m getting there, this thread is ever so slowly building up some confidence (although I’m not quite brave enough to ask him out yet)
If I were to ask him out, how should I do it?
I don’t think over the phone is so good, as when I’ve spoken to him on the phone in the past, he’s really uncomfortable and can’t get off the phone quick enough (and that’s when we’re talking his bread and butter technical stuff).
I could send an email, because that’s been the mode of communication (both work related and non-work related) in the past. I’d probably be more comfortable with that, I think. But I don’t know if that’s just too “worky” And I don’t know what I would say.
I could also send him a text message - but that can be pretty short, and I’ve never used that as a means of communication with him before…
You’d think I was some 15 year old kid the way I’m carrying on, not a 26 year old professional. I’ve got enough self esteem problems without putting myself through this.
THe other thing is that I recently learned that there is a good chance that I may be moved to the same building as him (different floor) probably around the start of Feb. I don’t know if that changes things…
I only know about you and the chap through this board. You don’t know me any better.
Nevertheless other posters have been kind enough to agree with my views. And my story was true!
Let me **assure ** you that the above messages read like something I would say to my mother. :o
There is **no hope ** that he will read between the lines as in 'Oh! Robinc308 wants me to invite her out.
I am positive that he doesn’t think he’s quite brave enough to ask you out until he gets some kind of indication from you that youe might fancy him.
As for getting across the message that he likes you - well shy blokes sometimes look at you when you are not looking at them. :eek: This glance means ‘I really like you and want to ask you out’. Strangely it never works.
I am now so old that I can talk to a young lady like yourself in this confident way.
When I was young enough to date people your age, I read books instead. :smack:
Think it over, then invite him out on a friendly date.
No obfustications, no surreptitious hinting, no allusions, no subtle references, no diplomatic substitutions, no gentle guidance, no skirting around the subject, no laying the foundations for a future request, no hoping he will suddenly develop ESP, no delaying.
Just do it.
Try saying something about the party and enjoying talking with him/his story about (blah)/etc., then say, “So I was thinking, since I had such a good time talking with you, I was wondering if you wanted to catch a movie/go get some coffee some night soon?” Then suggest a day.
I ended up, much later. married to a woman who, finding herself in the same situation as you, just said, “Hey, if you are looking for some female company I would love to provide it. Pick a day.” God I was thrilled she did because I really had the hots for her but was too shy (stupid) to do anything about it.
I picked Monday and she said, “No, I have an exam on Wednesday morning. See you Wednesday night?” How cool is that.
So I sent an email along the lines of the one I suggested - I just couldn’t bring myself to invite him out in the first instance. But he replied to this one - within about 15 minutes!
In it, he jokingly said that he blames me for keeping him at the party until after the last train had left and he probably should have accepted my offer of a lift all the way home, so I thought I could reply and say “I humbly aplogise for keeping you at the party, allow me to make amends: I was given two movie tickets as a thank you for the carols event I ran last weekend, would you like to join me?”
How does that sound. Still working up the nerve to send it, but his positive reply has most certainly helped…
2 years ago I sent a cute guy at the office an email mentioning that I love to play pool, as I knew he did, and did he want to get together that weekend to shoot some stick?
He didn’t answer. I was devastated.
A few weeks later I was drunk, at the office Christmas Party, and I teased him for breaking my heart and not answering me. We made a date to go out in the New Year.
Now we live together and he is the love of my life, and I am the love of his.
Scootch over and make some room on those tenterhooks - I’m dying to know! I’m in a somewhat similar situation myself and YOU are my litmus test, Robin.
at this point.