Freaky Cow-orker and the New Office Aroma

So… you may remember my weirdo cow-orker, FreakLady (not her real name) from previous reports of wearing a wedding dress to work, boiling fish in the microwave, and cutting her own hair (very badly).

Well, today… the strangest thing…

The office suddenly became engulfed in this bizarre stench of what can only be compared to year-old aquarium rot. Or perhaps a fish market that had suffered a power outage in the middle of July, in really humid weather, while urine-soaked raccoons dug through the dumpster.

I looked around saw nothing… except a suspicious container on FreakLady’s desk.


Occasionally she would open it and nibble at something inside.


Another co-worker was walking past her desk. FreakLady grabbed the great, big margarine container off her desk, peeled back its lid, and released a cloud of foul, reeking toxicity into the air as she proffered this tub of hitherto unknown horrors to Co-Worker#2.

FreakLady: “Hi, Cow-Wanker#2. (Never gets his name right either). Would you like some squid?”

Co-worker#2: “Gaa-AAA-AAK!”

I thought after the whole boiling-fish-in-the-office-microwave-kerfuffle, she’d learned something about bringing rancid-smelling foods into the workplace and eating it at her desk (which is in a main thoroughfare).

A bunch of people went home early due to the aroma. I’m still here. The squid is gone.

Every time I’m subjected to some Japanese “delicacy” in the Tokyo office that smells like ass, I not-so-fondly remember your tales of woe. Now, we have achieved congruence, as I was assaulted with that very odour last May one MORNING (not lunchtime, when my stomach might have had a chance to settle down a little bit for the day).


Wasn’t this a B.B. King song?


In all fairness, the Powers That Be have attempted to accommodate her tastes while protecting the rest of the more squeamish staff from the more aromatic occurences of the After Lunch Special.

E.g./ While she has been asked to refrain from boiling raw fish in the microwave, she may re-heat previously boiled fish, but must cover her food when doing so. (which led to all sorts of problems with her believing that she’d get cancer from covering her food, but that’s a whole other thread…)

Though a well-intentioned gesture of generosity, sticking a tub of room-temperature squid under Co-worker#3’s nose, had a similar effect as the whole “boiling fish, co-worker puking in the trash can” scenario from last fall.

You know, a brouhaha. Ballyhoo. Fooferaw.

Wet paper towels are supposed to help lessen the odor when cooking smelly stuff.

By the way, I too have dealt with the smelly food issue. Years ago, for whatever odd reason, the microwave was put in MY office. There was a woman who worked there, who, without fail, decided fish was the required meal at least twice a week. Ye gods, the stench was horrific. I finally insisted the microwave be removed from my office and I got my way.