I don’t like games in relationships. I don’t understand why everyone can’t just speak his or her mind and just be honest. Why must we wait 48 hours after the first date to call, else our desperation shows? Why must we play coy, which only leads to misunderstandings, rather than say “I really like you, wanna kiss?” Oh sure, it’s blunt and completely inelegant. But it gets right to the point, doesn’t it? No possibility of mistaking your intentions.
But I’ve lately come to realize that there’s one girl I’m friends with whose relationship with me is built entirely upon psychological manipulation. What has surprised me is that, rather than avoid the situation altogether, I rise to the challenge and fight back with my own Molotov cocktails of id and ego. I actually enjoy the battles.
Political correctness aside, she is, for lack of a better word, a JAP. She wants the world handed to her on a platter. She takes and takes but never thinks of giving. She hasn’t fully integrated the phrase “thank you,” into her repertoire, handing it out as sparingly as a precious ruby.
The straw that broke the camel’s back was when I was in one of my patented hyperactive rushes and she asked if I had ADD. Well, truth be told, the answer is no. I have, however, taken both Ritalin and Prozac in the past. But both had absolutely no effect, either good or bad. I didn’t actually get that far into my explanation as she cut me off mid-first sentence with “OK, OK, I don’t really care about your life story.”
It was at that point I realized she didn’t care. She didn’t care about my stories or my opinions or my outlook on life or…well, me. So why, I thought, should I have any emotional investment in her? And at that, I started ignoring her.
I referred to her as “high maintenance,” in front of her, which she flatly denied. Is she high maintenance? Let’s face it folks, she makes a BMW look like Hot Wheels. There’s an entire backstory I’m not even delving into but let’s just say I was annoyed with it all. Never really angry, just sick of the attitude. Sick of it all.
Sometimes I’d shrug off her comments, other times I’d make a swarmy sarcastic remark. And when she’d remark “you’re awfully quiet this evening,” I’d stare at her and say point blank, matter of factly “that’s because you hate me and tell me to shut up every time I speak,”
She’d get flustered and backtrack and say “I…oh you know I don’t hate you,” to which I’d shrug and say “Yeah, I’m pretty sure you do.” Again, I really wasn’t too upset with her. I was just tired of it all and felt that cutting straight to the truth would be the best thing in this relationship. I was always about honesty.
But a funny thing happened. She started becoming friendlier towards me. Oh she’d still get grossed out when I made a lewd sexual comment…but she’d invariably come back for more. Now maybe all the honesty I had laid out cut straight to the core and she realized the error of her ways. Or maybe she’s just someone who enjoys the thrill of the chase. Someone who could push back.
And boy could I push.
In fact, the more I pushed, the more she felt the need to pull. But if I let up and pulled close, she’d be the one with her arms thrown up ready to block any and all advances.
It’s turned it into such a complex relationship. In essence, being completely honest has created a psychological game all its own. How did this happen? Who’s winning? I don’t know. The very idea that we both could be manipulating each other simultaneously is somewhat invigorating.
One friend tells me that we’re going to get into an all out smackdown one of these days. Another one says it’s just a matter of time before we end up sleeping together. Is either right? I have no clue. Maybe neither are. But I have the sneaking suspicion that they both could be.
I still don’t like games. But on this particular relationship, I don’t think I’m willing to fold my cards just yet.