I almost feel like this should be posted in an “Ask Alice” type of advice column, but I figure the broader scope of individuals and, thus, experiences and insight found here would be much more helpful… In case you haven’t figured it out… this is a relationship-type question.
As is commonly said, and I have been told by many women, women are not consistent and can tend to be unpredictable, and of course moody. As my sister puts it “women are insane”. None of that is meant mean-spiritedly, but as a sort of light-hearted lead-up to my question…
That said, I’ve been dating a woman now for about 1.5 months. In the very beginning, or toward the beginning, of course, things were very very great… alot of affection given on both sides, etc… At the time, she made a comment… on a couple occasions that at the time I thought quirky but extremely unlikely… She said “I hope you don’t get tired of me”. At another time, she said in an email to me “I’m so glad you put up with me”. That was a little more understandable as she had shown by that time how she doesn’t do well with the whole misdirected anger thing… she tends to lash out at people unresponsible for her frustration… that sorta thing.
Now, some weeks later, I’m staying with her for the time being… just starting a new job in a new area and I need to make some money before I can move out and get into my own place (and this is relevant because it might have something to do with the situation… or it might not).
I’ve noticed, steadily, over time that she’s become less and less affectionate, less personal and less intimate. She’s given no verbal indication that she’s lost interest in the relationship, but compared to how she was for the first few weeks, it’s like an on/off switch has been flipped.
It used to be that if I had to leave to go back to my home (we lived across a state border from each other) for any reason, she couldn’t wait for me to get back. Now I wonder if she cares if I’m there at all or not. We can go hours sitting 2’ from each other and not say a word… she’s doing her thing… I’m doing mine. And it feels wierd.
Yet, when I address this to her, she seems surprised and rather indignant… As though she can’t understand why I feel that way and will give an answer that sorta answers the problem… but doesn’t really resolve it, mainly because her behavior has changed so drastically.
I’m verging on pulling back myself and not making any effort to show any affection either… to see if she responds … if at all. If she says anything… or starts showing more effort/interest again… etc.
My question is… Is this normal in any capacity? In the past, the women i’ve dated have been very much the opposite… very affectionate, very warm and very much wanting me around constantly. Even if I was in the same room, if I was anywhere but next to them, they made quick work of changing that. It was actually suffocating in one situation.
Is it possible that my current girlfriend is just someone who’s perfectly calm and at peace to be in the same room as her bf… doesn’t need to be cuddling/affectionate at all times… or at all, basically? Could it be that because we’re around each other so much now that she’s simply used to me being there? And finally… is it possible that she’s just perhaps not someone who’s a warm/affectionate person by nature?
I mean… I sense a difference in how she’s acting. Very much so… But is it possible that this is really just how she is and there’s nothing necessarily wrong?
This is a new sorta situation to me and I don’t know how to proceed. I’m not comfortable with it at this point… Any insight or advice would be quite appreciated.