I’ll try to keep this short. There’s a lady who used to work with my mom back in Oklahoma, where I’m from. I’ve met her a couple of times at Christmas parties, etc. She’s cool, no issues there. She friended me on Facebook, no biggie. I mean, she’s my mom’s age, so there’s that. But other than that, it’s not a big deal.
But now she has a friend who’s moving to New York, where I live, and she told him to look me up. So he writes me and says, “Hey, are you that friend of Diana’s [fake name]?” I wrote back and said “Yes, it’s me. She mentioned you might be writing me, although she didn’t tell me exactly how I could help. But I’ve lived here 9 years now, so if there’s anything you need to know about NYC I’ll be happy to help!” I figured maybe he needed subway directions or info on good neighborhoods or something like that.
But he wrote back and said, “When I get settled I will FB you and we can meet for a beer or something… It is just good to have as many friends in NYC as I can get.” I got busy and didn’t write back, and the next morning I had a friend request from him. I’m not saying it’s a huge deal, but what am I supposed to do with this guy? I feel like I’m in a Curb Your Enthusiasm episode… I don’t know this guy, and I barely know the friend we have in common. Is it really my responsibility to be his tour guide/beer buddy? I’m the kind of guy who has a small, tight-knit group of friends as opposed to a large group of acquaintances. Should I just suck it up and deal, or is she putting me in an awkward position?
It’s hard to make friends in new places. I think it would be nice of you to help him out a little.
Of course, if he turns out to be weird or obnoxious or something, you could always block him later.
Maybe he’s cool.
It’s a little unusual that he actually wants to be “real life” friends. Usually that sort of thing is done by people who just want a lot of Facebook friends. It doesn’t mean they are in a race, necessary–they may just want the excitement of a long newsfeed.
But, though it’s unusual, there’s nothing wrong with it. He’s trying to make friends through friends he already knows. Yeah, it would have been better if he’d had your mutual friend introduce you, but it’s not bad.
Just make sure he really is a mutual friend–it’s also used by molesters to create a false sense of security. Proceed the same way you would meeting anyone online for the first time. Be safe.
People are always looking for new IRL friends when they go to new places. I have a friend (a new friend) who looked for people on OK Cupid (a dating site) when she moved for a job. She looked for female friends, not a date. It worked out fine for her and she became friends with two of my friends independently. And now she’s friends with me!
I think it’s good that you two can become FB friends before having to meet. You don’t have to message back and forth. Just be “friends” in the sense that he sees your status and you see his.
You can find out pretty quickly if he’s a nutter or someone you want to hang with, and he can find the same about you. And if you end up not liking him then block him and if the original friend somehow gets chaffed about that, block her too!
He’s probably just feeling insecure and scared about moving to the big city. It would be nice if you’d just do this for him. You might make a great friend, or you could always dump him if he’s a bother. Either way, you know your mom’s going to hear about it, so do the right thing!
I don’t see what’s so weird. People meet other people and become friends. If we all just stayed within our own social circles, no one would ever make new friends…
Sometimes I don’t really understand the threads about social interaction. People seem so freaked out by the idea of hanging out with someone new and read so much into it. Making new connections with people is part of being human, or so I thought.
Well, my post was half tongue-in-cheek, so there’s that. But also, there’s a difference between meeting someone new on your own accord and having someone thrust upon you. We meet new people almost every day of our lives; it doesn’t mean you necessarily want to spend an hour chatting with them over a beer. I just thought it was surprising he jumped right to that, rather than starting with neighborhood advice or something like that first.
Like I said, it’s no biggie. I’m sure I’ll end up grabbing a beer with him at some point (and just for the record, I already told my mom and she agreed it was a bit odd).
But also, there’s a difference between meeting someone new on your own accord and having someone thrust upon you. We meet new people almost every day of our lives; it doesn’t mean you necessarily want to spend an hour chatting with them over a beer. I just thought it was surprising he jumped right to that, rather than starting with neighborhood advice or something like that first.