Which is better: having someone (presumably of the opposite sex) as a close friend or having someone as a significant-other?
If you have a really special person in your life, there are advantages, and disadvantages to being / having “just-a-friend” and/or being romantically involved.
[li]sometimes, close friend relationships can be deeper than a “in-love” relationship. (for you X-philes out there, you know what I mean, e.g. Scully and Mulder)[/li][li]sometimes, as wonderful as it may be, being “just-friends” isn’t necessarily enough.[/li]
[note: I’m not looking for this to become a sexual discussion. I’m strictly referring to the emotional and personal angles. I’m not asking for discussion about “friends-with-benefits-no-strings” situations. If you feel you must include such, feel free. However, I am far more interested in feedback concerning the opposite ends of the spectrum: those being “just-friends” and “no-holds-barred-all-out-romance”]
Um, MSK, maybe this is little naïve 'punha speaking here, but aren’t significant others generally close friends? In other words, your girlfriend or whatnot is probably going to also be a close friend, yes?
Well, this doesn’t precicely answer your question, but I think the best is a mixture of both.
I was close friends with Scott before we started dating. Now we’re engaged, and I think being friends for a year has helped us communicate with each other. Plus we’re able to do things as friends and as a couple.
But if I were to stay with the black and white, I guess my opinion would be that it’s best to have a really close friend. If your SO isn’t someone that you can have a deep relationship with, then you really need the close friendship.
I see in preview that iampunha has said what I mean to say.
I understand your pov completely. I have struggled with how I wanted to convey my thoughts above, and that was the best I could do, at the moment.
To be a bit more specific:
Let’s say Jane Doe and I have known one another for a couple of years. One of us voices that he/she would like to take the friendship to the next level. But the other person says, “We could try, but I really don’t think we should. Let’s just be friends.”
In other words… should longtime “friends” take the risk of becoming more than friends? If it fails, you may lose both the friendship and the romance, and be left with nothing.
Um . . . without more information I’d say that’s a decision best left to the couple, as I don’t doubt there are issues not presented here (not that I mean this in a bad way, mind you:)) that would surely play a factor.
Short-winded version: ain’t mine to say. You two, or whoever, need to figure things out for yourselves. Unless you’re prepared to give out lots of personal information here about you and Jane Doe and your relationshiop and her past and your past and your various astrological signs, her left pinky size, and the temperature of spit in Wichita . . .
Even short-winded: only you two can make the decision. Good luck either way:)
Think about how close the two of you are and how long you have been friends. Are you thinking of a more permanent relationship, or just high school sweethearts?
Like I said, it worked for Scott and I. But we’re not you and yours.
I’ve got to agree with what’s been said here so far. lurker and I have been friends for 5 years. He’s my best male friend, and now he’s also my boyfriend. It doesn’t mean that the relationship has always been smooth sailing all of the time, but, I think, it has made it easier for us to navigate through the rough spots. If things don’t work out on the relationship end for us, we both have every intention of staying friends at the end of it. Whatever actually happens, only time will tell.
In most cases, I think both people need to look at what they feel and what they want to get out of it. If there’s no spark whatsoever, no attraction, then it’s better to leave it at just friends. But if there is some attraction there (doesn’t have to be alot) for both people, then they just need to decide if they’re willing to take the chance.
It depends how sex would change the feelings of the person you are with. For some, having sex with them is the only way to keep their friendship. For others NOT having sex is the only way to keep their friendship or relationship.
I met my husband when I was 14 years old. Way too young to even consider that he might be “the one”. We were best friends for years, lost our virginity to each other, grew up together, began university together, travelled overseas for over a year together, you get the picture… every important point in our lives has been shared since we were teens.
My definition of a lover is that you are best friends. If you’re not, I figure it’s just physical. Of course, that’s just IME. (experience, not opinion)
