I received a thing in the mail a couple of days ago. It says right on the outside of it that I might be eligible to win a FREE CREMATION. I might actually be interested in the offer but the thing is, I’m not dead and I don’t want a cremation until I am, in fact, dead. And I want someone to be damn sure I am dead before they cremate me. Then again, maybe I am dead and just don’t know it. But if I am dead, how did these cremation people know it before I did?
I’m afraid to open the envelope because maybe it is printed on flash paper and I’m actually the winner and I’ll be cremated instantly.
I’m frightened and confused.
What should I do?