If any of you do find starving children attractive, I suspect you may be doing yourself a disservice by mentioning it on a public message board.
You leave Kate Moss out of this, y’hear?
I think the OP should write a song about his “Frumpy Girlfriend,” in the style of Phoebe Buffay’s “Smelly Cat.”
There is tremendous entrepreneurial opportunity here.
- Frumpy girlfriend
- Internet girlfriend exchange.
- Profit!
Yep. My wife always takes my tastes into consideration in her clothes. She says she likes to know what I like.
The whore.
Well, there are those who say that marriage is just an authorized form of prostitution.
No kidding. Jesus.
Yes, when we’re being nudniks we put down towels on seats. Easily changed.
And yes, we do shower an appropriate amount as well. 
He was too hairy, and wore a bathrobe and shower sandals all year long.
This sounds like she is over treating it, a common mistake people make, especially overscrubbing. Not sure how you’re sure that she was treating it when you started dating (medicine cabinet snoop?) and isn’t now, but I can’t really imagine a scenario wherein someone has found a way to prevent acne but has decided to drop it out of laziness. Has she by any chance gone on or switched birth control since you started dating? Because that can cause breakouts in some people (and prevent them in others) as well as cause depression and lethargy.
What the FUCK is a himbo? TO THE GOOGLE!
…
haha, <3 urbandictionary.
You need to communicate that dressing better means a lot to you. At the same time, you need to be willing to do something for her she finds equally significant. This gives her the choice- does she care enough for you to do something youre willing to do for her? Or is that too much effort? Youre no longer forcing her to change, but letting her choose. And nobody will be miserable in the relationship.
To me it sounds like she put effort early on then got lazy. Marraige will not fix this. People get it in their heads we’re supposed to love each other unconditionally, and take that to mean they dont have to do or sacrifice anything to make it, work.
*She owns and operates her own greasy acne factory
And thinks that her smiles are enough to satisfy me
She’s my frumpy girlfriend and kinda squicked out, I can be
Well, she’s got a pair of grungy workout sweatpants
And her T-shirt hasn’t seen a wash by machine or by hands
She hides her tiny chest puppies under a pile of dirty cats*
– to the tune of the Monkees’ “Sunny Girlfriend”
There’s really nothing quite like having a problem that truly bothers you and is threatening your overall happiness but, when you say it out loud, sounds so frivolous that even hinting at it makes you shallow, spoiled and unworthy. I can just imagine this guy saying, “You know, once in a while, not everyday, maybe you could, you know, dress up a little…” and being met with, “Seriously? We’re in debt up to our eyeballs, the roof is leaking, I have migraines, they’re threatening to cut my hours at work, I HATE my work, and YOUR contribution to it all is ‘Wear more pretty dresses?’ SCREW YOU!”
But any problem that causes you unhappiness is a real problem. He feels like she’s not holding up her end of the ‘bargain’, that unspoken agreement that says that couples can change, but not THAT much. And she used to be more, for lack of a better word, girly. Obviously, the problem goes beyond liking sweats and Wheel of Fortune more than skirts and Olive Garden. She’s clearly exhausted, physically and mentally, and is stuck in a rut she can’t get out of.
So, I’m lacking a lot of details here, but here’s what I’D do: Come home early, clean EVERYTHING up (laundry, dishes, vacuuming, etc…) and, if it’s within my power, make dinner and surprise her when she came home. And then say “I wanted to give you a nice night in. The DVR’s set and the phone’s off the hook. You know, I remember a while back, we went out, and you had on that green dress, I really liked that one. I’ll set the table, would you mind putting it on again, just for dinner? It would remind me of that night again.” So, basically, you’re trading chores for a dressed up wife. Unfair? Maybe, but by God, it’ll work.
Heh heh heh. Ok, your post was pretty good but I couldn’t resist pointing this out.
Yes, because heaven above, being unattracted to someone who doesn’t bother to make themselves look presentable is being “shallow”. It’s soooo superficial!
Actually, pride in oneself INCLUDES the attempt to make a decent attempt to look nice and neat. Not to be like, “oh well, looking good is soooo shallow and stupid, people shouldn’t judge me by my appearance!” It tells me that person doesn’t give a shit about themselves to bother.
In fact, I think I’ll go and take my shower right now. I can’t stand feeling grody. Ugh.
Why does it have to be either/or? I’ve got plenty of pride in myself, but I also really love slobbing around. I follow the rules when I am out of the house, because I recognize that that’s how society functions, but inside the house I actively enjoy being lazy and laid back. I married a man who feels the same way, so it works.
Which is not to say I wouldn’t make accommodations for a man that felt differently: there are things about my appearance that matter to him, and I’ve made adjustments. I don’t paint my nails because he thinks it looks stupid and trashy, and I’ve avoided shoes he thinks look stupid because I don’t care one way or the other and like to please him. I’ve said a dozen times in this thread that the OP needs to talk to his girlfriend about this and to see if she can accommodate him–and if she can, great,and if she can’t, he should leave.
People are different, and the same actions mean different things from different people. I’m totally cool with you liking to be clean and neat and pretty inside the house. I totally accept that for you that’s an symptom of the pride you have in yourself and it makes you feel good. I don’t think it’s shallow at all. But don’t tell me I “don’t give a shit about [myself]” because I happen to be wired differently.
Manda Jo, I wasn’t talking about you. I was talking about the general idea that “it totally doesn’t matter what you look like – you can be a total slob, but you still have pride!” Caring about one’s appearance doesn’t make one shallow – and that’s what I was addressing.
I’m not saying I sit around the house in full make-up and dressy clothes. I don’t. (I generally wear pj bottoms and plain tops). BUT…they’re clean, they’re neat, and I don’t wear anything dirty, stained and I make an attempt to stay clean and groomed (brush my hair, clean up, etc). I get the impression the OP’s girlfriend does neither.
I also have seen around here the idea that women who LIKE to dress up and wear make-up and do their nails are shallow and somehow less intelligent. Which is bullshit.
Total bullshit and yet it remains one of the most constant Doper memes. As I see it, if someone wants to judge my intelligence because I wear false eye lashes and tease my hair, well, that says more about their intelligence than mine.
There are two memes floating around out there:
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Women who always wear makeup, get hair/nails done, dress fashionably, etc. are shallow.
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Women who don’t wear makeup, get hair/nails done, dress down are “not trying” and/or depressed or lazy slobs or whatever.
Both, really, are bullshit.