FUC****K!!!
I AM FUCKING TIRED OF THIS SHIT!
I feel like there is no fucking hope left in me after this morning. None at all.
I have been having a rough couple of months. There have been layoffs left and right within the company, so bad that my department had been reduced from eleven people down to two. The work continues to pile up, and we are so overwhelmed that it seems like nothing we can do will ever make it go away.
I’m overworked, and underpaid. This last year I made under $20,000, and on that, I must support myself, my wife, and my child. We have NO money for luxuries. No cable, no eating out, no going to the movies. We have a phone, but we can’t pay for internet access, so my mom lets us use her account. We have an enormous electrical bill, despite trying to keep the heat turned down as low as we can stand it. I thank God we live in a rural area, because at least there, water, sewage, and trash disposal is free.
We only have one car that runs, though none of the gauges work in it. I’d fix it myself, but I simply cannot afford the $300 computer part that is burned out in the damn thing. It also needs four new tires, since its current ones are near bald, one of which has been repaired twice. Someone stole my spare, so I need a new one of those too, but there just isn’t any money for it. I have two other non-working vehicles: a car that needs serious mechanical work and four new tires, and a truck that, despite having had replaced a ton of stuff in it, STILL manages to break down every other time I drive it, and now needs a new transmission.
I just paid a $300 dental bill today, because, as it turns out, the buttload of money I pay in to my dental insurance isn’t worth shit, since they don’t cover anything, apparantly! Oh boy, thanks for covering that $36 out of a $320 bill, you fuckwads! That really fucking helped me out, ya know? I’m glad I keep shovelling money your way each month, nice to know someone is benefitting from my hard work!
And yeah, yeah, I’m sure people are thinking, why doesn’t his wife just get a job? We’ve tried this, in the past…and you know what happens? Since she doesn’t have experience or schooling, she can only get low-paying, minimum wage jobs…whatever she makes, goes right back out the door in childcare costs and medical bills…and then, at the end of the year, the IRS takes a huge fucking chainsaw and inserts it in to our financial rear orrifaces, sticking me with yet more bills I cannot pay.
I work harder, I work longer. I work a second job three nights a week. I’d work more, but the friend who hired me is doing it as a favor and can’t afford to pay me to work more. No, I don’t work weekends…I have a family, and having time to spend with them is very important to me. As it is, it breaks my heart to have my little boy beg me to come play with him, and to have to tell him no because daddy has to go to work again, even though he just got home.
But I deal with it. I do what I have to in order to take care of my family…but shit just keeps fucking happening to make my life more difficult. This morning, I woke up to no water. Apparantly, the pipes are frozen. Fucking great. Just fucking fantastic. I have to sit here and just hope to God that nothing bursts, because I have no fucking money to pay for parts, let alone to call a plumber.
My birthday is this next Wednesday. Know what I want?
A fucking break, for once.
