Actually, the generator has come up with a few pretty appropriate ones:
skinning the tiny god
salting the chimney
titillating the pink pigeon
(and, with a nod to Mbossa) whipping the duck
This is a lot more fun than studyin’!
Fuckin’ dork!
Did you hear the one about how Oedipus got dumped by his girlfriend? Yeah, ever since then he’s been masturbating like a motherfuck.
Hypno - you havn’t been sausage smuggling again have you? Come over later we’re holding a pocket party.
I was eating the best piece of pie yesterday when I suddenly discovered a very long piece of hair in it. It was over three feet long, and I turned it into a Cat’s Cradle.
I had fun playing with the hair in my pie.
Nope, just grapes.
So I’m walking to work yesterday, and this guy opens half his coat revealing a bunch jewelry. He’s got necklaces, rings and bracelets hanging from his coat and a nice selection of timepieces on his arm. Well, I did need a watch so I decided to have one off the wrist.
On a serious note over here in Britain not too long ago a famous female member of a Circus owning family was prosecuted for animal cruelty to a chimpanzee.
I appreciate that a chimp is not a monkey but you couldn’t believe the number of spanking the monkey jokes that went around when she was prosecuted.
Sorry folks, I don’t have time to participate in this thread. You see, I recently lost my legs in an industrial accident, and have been learning how to walk on my hands. To top it all off, the girlfriend invited me to a dance tonight. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to do the five-knuckle shuffle.
Now and then when I’m waiting for the subway, there’s this one man with a shorn head hanging around the platform. I don’t know why he smells so bad, but when I’m downwind from him, his odor actually makes me throw up in my mouth. Even worse, he’s a lot crazy, and grabs me by the throat now and then. It makes me so mad.
You know, regaling you with this tale has really upset me. I want justice. I want relief! You kids have fun here; I’m going to go choke the bald man til he pukes.
I’m starving so I was going to get a pickle before I answered this thread. It’s stuck in the jar, when I’m done jerkin the gherkin, I’ll let you know.
I tell you, the real estate market is so bad these days that five other realtors and myself have formed a group for sharing our listings. Well, it started that way, but lately we’ve been having some enjoyable social gatherings too.
We call the group “Sharing House Inventory Is Profitable” but usually just refer to it by the initials. Our mottor is:
Six with S.H.I.I.P. is FUN!
Appropriate flick on FX channel right now-The House of Wax. My grass is something else. I’m going to whack my weed.
Stupid cat hair. Guess I’m going to be vacuuming the carpet tonight.
Never heard that one, but I like it. Thanks!
Just remembered: this video might appeal to the kind of sick person who enjoyed this thread. Now, can someone come up with an innocent usage of ‘flicking beans in spam purses’?
Doesn’t the Dope have rules against being a jerk? Everyone who posted in this thread should be banned for self-jerkitude.
ETA: Inspired by Pedro’s post.
Our washing machine is broke and though he needs a clean shirt for work tomorrow, I will be too tired from yard work to do the clothes, so my poor husband is just going to have to wash his own laundry by hand.
Y’know, I was just wondering what to have for dinner tonight. Funds are low, and all I have in the pantry is a can of pinto beans and some formed and pressed lunchmeat. Maybe I could make a roasted ham with bean stuffing. I can make a little slit in thick slices of the stuff and slide the beans in until they fill it…excuse me, I have to go try flicking beans in spam purses. 
I sometimes have a really hard time trying to get these sentances to come out just the way I want and I have to mess with the grammar a bit, trying gerunds and the like; you know, verbing the noun.