Today we salute you, Mister Do-it-Yourself-Parking-Ticket Writer
(Mister Do-it-Yourself-Parking-Ticket Writer)
Day after day, you scour the parking lots of America’s vast retail prairie, determined that no parking imperfection will go unscolded.
(You’re such a NAUGHTY boy!)
You’ve got your retractable locking tape measure lubricated, your calipers calibrated, and your pre-printed stack of home-made parking tickets laminated in case of rain.
(Such an AUTHORITATIVE font!)
So crack open a Bud Light, Mister Do-it-yourself-Parking-Ticket Writer. Because you sure proved that if you learned nothing else since you got your first box of crayons in kindergarten, you know how important it is to stay inside the lines.
Wow. Talk about splitting hairs. I acknowledged the truck was slightly into the other parking space, I didn’t get out of my truck and measure my infraction with a tape measure, and, to be honest, when I am out in the middle of nowhere, in a half empty parking lot, I admit I don’t circle my truck and make sure that it is evenly parked between the parking lines. I take more care, and park it properly when there are other cars near it.
You are right, I guess I am maybe a little passive aggressive, I will admit. So, if you like, could go and, I don’t know, maybe fuck yourself, or something, that would be great, okay? Okay, hey good talking to you then.
I would’ve been po’d too, but then think about it, it’s funny! Funnier than getting a flyer advertising chinese takeout stuck in my car windshield
If I had one of those ticket books I would ticket my partner for driving like a maniac in the neighborhood. SPeeding, reckless driving(taking a blind curve in the wrong lane), failure to stop at stop sign.
Reality check: this ticket-issuer has found a way to vent his (pretty justifiable) annoyance at your inconisderation, and has found a way to inform you of it when you two are not physically present at the same time, and you’re free to laugh it off, or take it seriously, or whatever–and your response is “If he was there I’d want to punch him out?” How about if he’s got five inches, thirty pounds, and a black belt over you? Now you’re all, “Aw, hell, why didn’t he just leave me a note instead of waiting for me to return to my truck and start some shit with me? Now my butt’s getting kicked all across the parking lot. Poor pitiful me.”
Can you explain this? I didn’t see any justification for the ticket, assuming the OP’s story is accurate. He wasn’t inconveniencing anyone, and (as the OP tells it) was not even running the risk of possibly inconveniencing anyone.
Okay, with that said, I do also want to register the fact that the majority of OP’s post manages to garner no sympathy from the reader. Instead it makes him look like an dumb jock redneck type.
I don’t see where he was inconsiderate. If he’s parked further away than the rest of the cars, in a half empty parking lot, it really doesn’t make a damn bit of difference if he takes up 1, 2 or 4 parking spots. Nobody has to park further away than they want to, and nobody is going to be denied a parking spot.
I do that, too–but it’s more to protect my car from dings. I can’t believe one used to be able to purchase such things as this ridiculous ticket. Truly some people have too much time on their hands…
St. Anger, I gotta ask: Do your truck have one of those chrome-plated fake scroti hanging from the trailer hitch? You sorta sound like the type. “Don’t make eye contact with my truck?” Seriously? I’m sure your penis is larger than that of whoever left the note, now GTFOI.
Maybe you should have plowed your “monster truck” into all nearby vehicles to get revenge. One of them likely was driven by the note-writer.
Only once do I recall leaving a note on another car’s windshield to vent at their lack of parking skills. In that case it was an idiot in a Caddy who slid in so close to my driver’s side that I had to open the trunk and clamber over two sets of seats to get to the wheel (there was a wall blocking me on the other side).
I rejoice now in the probability that he probably was steamed and babbling long afterward about the injustice of being singled out. Although more probably he was an aged fart who couldn’t even read my note.
I believe that Sitnam is trying to convey that you appear to not know what “passive aggressive” means. You are misusing the phrase. You might want to look it up.
I agree with this. Other than the holiday season, many parking lots have lots of empty spaces. Righteous pricks like the ticket writer get under my skin too and I, also, would fantasize about bending him/her in half the wrong way. Might even say it, or bitch about it on a message board. And here, like always, someone would take my screed about introducing the back of someone’s skull to their own heels as statement of fact.
It seems strange to me that anyone would be handing out tickets in a store parking lot.
I do have to say, however, that if getting a (seemingly pointless) ticket sets someone off like this, I don’t want to know what happens when something, ya know, serious happens.
Whoever answered that question obviously doesn’t live around here. I have a Toyota Tundra Double Cab and in most of the angle spaces around here, I have to pull over the line a bit to keep the bed from half blocking the driving lane behind me. In the few instances where I don’t go to the back of the lot, I’ll find a Prius or something that hasn’t pulled up to the line and take some of his space.
